R U M O R S # 583
Ralph Milton’s E-zine for people of faith with a sense of humor
2010-01-03
January 3, 2010
BAPTISMAL THEATRE
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Motto:
"A merry heart doeth good, like a medicine, but a broken spirit drieth the bones." (Proverbs 17:22 KJV)
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Now’s the time to live up to that New Year’s resolution you should have made to put this “blog” address on your “favorites” list. http://ralphmiltonsrumors.blogspot.com/
I post each issue of Rumors on that blog so that you can access it any time. And if an issue of Rumors goes missing, you can go and find it there. And if you need back issues, that’s where to find ‘em.
Thanks.
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The Story – graduation day
Rumors – nativity controversy
Soft Edges – keep our ancestors alive
Bloopers – the joke is easy
We Get Letters – (see Rumors above)
Mirabile Dictu! – bladder urge
Bottom of the Barrel – the Goldberg brothers
Scripture Story as Reader’s Theatre – Luke 3:15-17, 21-22
Stuff – (read this only if you would like to subscribe, unsubscribe or are wondering about permissions. That sort of boring stuff.)
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Rib Tickler – Grandma and grandpa were celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary. The local reporter came and asked them all kinds of ridiculous questions, such as, “Do you participate in sports?”
“Nope!” said Grandma. “My parents won’t let me.”
“Your parents?”
“Yep. Mother Nature and Father Time.”
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Next Week’s Readings – These are the readings you may hear in church this coming Sunday, January 10th, which is “The Baptism of Our Lord Sunday,” and for which the suggested readings are:
* Isaiah 43:1-7
* Psalm 29
* Acts 8:14-17
* Luke 3:15-17, 21-22
The Story (from the Revised Common Lectionary) – is Luke 3:15-17, 21-22
Jim says –
The image that comes to mind, for me, is a university graduation. This particular reading from Luke could imply that Jesus alone went into the river with John. But the other gospels make clear that large numbers of people flocked to the Jordan – to see and hear John, to experience his immersion as a sign of repentance and new beginnings.
So I visualize lines of people inching forward. When they get to the podium – or the river – the presider says some mumbo-jumbo over them, perhaps places a hood on their shoulders or a mortarboard on their heads, hands them a rolled certificate... And the assembly line grinds on.
For Jesus, of course, there was no diploma or scarlet hood. Rather, God’s spirit settled upon him. He had graduated from his preparatory years. Now he could go out and practice the profession God had in mind for him.
Luke makes that connection with his next verse: “Jesus was about 30 years old when he began his work...”
But a graduation is also for friends and relatives. I would wonder who else observed Jesus graduation ceremony, there at the river. Were his parents there? His siblings? Every graduate is special, of course. But who else sat in the bleachers to cheer him on? Whose hearts swelled with pride as John dipped Jesus under the water? Who else sensed light shining on their special one, like a dove lighting on his shoulders?
The concept of a graduation ceremony gives me a different perspective from which to view this turning point in Jesus’ life.
Ralph says –
Although the details differ considerably, this story of Jesus’ baptism occurs in all four gospels, which means it must have been very important to the early Christian community. Baptism, as an act of entry into the Christian community, has been a central symbol of the Christian church ever since. And it still is, at least for all the major denominations.
“The church and the theatre are children of the same womb,” says Tom Driver. Baptism is a bit of theatre. God does not need water – sprinkled, poured or dipped in – to enter our hearts and become the creative force in our lives. God didn’t need it for Jesus and the early church. God doesn’t need it now. But we need it because there are some things words simply can’t do.
The act of baptism is a way of dramatizing a truth, a reality. The dramatization helps those involved and those who are watching, understand a deeper realty that is beyond the power of words. “A visible and outward sign of an inner spiritual realty,” is a way of saying this without using naughty words like “drama” and “theatre.”
But if we thought of this sacrament as theatre we would find many small and big ways of underlining its significance in the faith community. This is already happening in many places, including the congregation where I worship. There’s oil, there’s a candle, there’s a certificate.
Baptism may again have the power it had for the early Christian community.
Isaiah 43:1-7 – The prophet is using some broad metaphors here. Those who take the reading literally tend to wind up drowned or fried. What the reading underlines, for me at least, is the power of God that makes it possible to do things you never thought possible.
For me that includes gathering the 8,147 souls from the four corners of the globe (see vs. 5 & 6) to read this thing called Rumors. It’s both gratifying and frightening.
Psalm 29 – paraphrased by Jim Taylor
Celebrating Baptism
A river in flood is an awesome sight.
1 Don't try to cross the river alone, my child.
2 Let your father carry you.
3 The waves are higher than your head;
the torrent will sweep you away.
4,5 It rolls the rocks in their beds;
it bites earth from its banks;
even mighty trees topple and fall.
6 But you will be safe in your father's arms.
He will hold your head above water;
7 His feet will stand firm against the flood.
8 Trust him.
Wrap your arms around his neck, where he can murmur comfort in your ear.
9 Then you will know the torrent cannot touch you.
11 Your father is much stronger than you are.
Trust him to carry you to safety.
From: Everyday Psalms
Wood Lake Publications.
For details, go to www.woodlakebooks.com
Acts 8:14-17 – This passage is a bit puzzling because most of us (I think) see baptism as a symbol of the entry of the Holy Spirit into our lives. Adult baptism at least.
But as I sit here thinking of this, I realize that many Christians would insist that a powerful experience, a moment of deep emotion, a “born again” experience, is the time when the Spirit genuinely enters our lives.
For children see “The Lectionary Story Bible, Year C,” page 40, for a story called “Throw Your Money in the River,” which expands the reading in Acts to tell the entire story. And on page 43 you’ll find a story based on the reading from Luke, and it’s called “Jesus is Baptized.”
There are children’s stories for every Sunday in the Revised Common Lectionary, in “The Lectionary Story Bible,” by yours truly. The marvellous illustrations are by Margaret Kyle. There’s at least one story for each Sunday, usually two, and occasionally three. Click the main Wood Lake Publications website at www.woodlakebooks.com, or click on the following address which takes you directly to the “Lectionary Story Bible.”
http://tinyurl.com/2lonod
Or, if you live in Canada or the US, simply pick up the phone and dial 1 800 663 2775.
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Rumors – This periodical is not a vehicle for theological or biblical discussion, but I think I need to respond to all the letters I’ve received about the Nativity story I ran in Rumors just before Christmas. The thing that generated all the letters was a story in which Mary was raped by a Roman soldier.
A few of the responses were wildly appreciative. A few others were angrily critical. Most were somewhere in-between and they were kind and thoughtful.
It doesn't concern me when people disagree with what I write in Rumors. If you agreed with everything I say, then I probably haven’t said very much.
I write my stories in the Jewish tradition of the Aggada, where, when you can't explain something, you tell a story. The story won't explain it either, but it will lead you to something more important. And that is a sense of God's presence in your unknowing. You will be refreshed by that mystery. Because a mystery is not a puzzle to be solved, but a well to which you can go over and over, to find refreshment.
Perhaps I should have explained that story ahead of time, but then that might have destroyed the story. Good stories can never be explained.
Maybe I should have said this. Such stories are never an attempt to re-write history. Or to deny scripture. They are an attempt to shine a light on the story from a different angle.
Among the mysteries where I have found refreshment over and over again is the mystery of God's continual choice of the lowest, the meanest, the most despised, the rejected, to live the truth. That happens over and over again in the Hebrew tradition, and Jesus continued that tradition in his choice of disciples. And I feel the tradition continues now, because how else can I explain my call as a Christian writer?
So to understand that mystery – that miracle – I had Mary in my story, raped by a Roman soldier. That would have put her below the bottom of the social ladder. I did that to underline that mystery – a God who continually goes to the most despised and rejected – to find the people who can – who will – respond to the call.
The story was not an attempt to re-write Luke's gospel though many understood it that way, which I regret. And it was certainly not an attempt to show that God could not – did not – work miracles.
I've received a lot of letters about that story – more than about anything else I've written recently. By far the greatest number have come from women (though a few men have said this too) who had been sexually abused in a number of ways. They were deeply grateful to read a story about someone who had been so violated – "soiled" was a word one woman used – that they might be chosen by God to birth a miracle. I don't think they were trying to re-write the story. They wanted to broaden it to include people like them.
That may not be an adequate response to all your concerns. It has certainly generated a lot of thought and generated a lot of feelings, all of which is good.
And deep thanks to all of you who have written. It has been for me a powerful and affirming experience.
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Soft Edges – by Jim Taylor
Keeping Our Ancestors Alive
When my wife Joan was about four years old, her father made her a doll crib. She treasured it. When Joan grew up and left home, her parents gave the crib to a young niece. But she always knew the crib was Joan’s.
Last year that niece telephoned Joan. “I thought we had lost your old crib,” she said, “but I found it. Do you want it back?”
The old crib had been repainted, several times. Its joints were breaking apart. But it was still the beloved old crib.
Over the summer, Joan stripped many layers of paint. She sanded the bare wood smooth again. She repainted it its original white. She made a new mattress for it, sewed two new sheets and a pillow with lace trim, even stitched a tiny quilt.
We took the refurbished crib to Edmonton as a Christmas present for five-year-old Katherine.
“Your great-grandfather made this crib,” Joan explained.
Katherine was, I regret to say, unimpressed. Katherine preferred her kiddy rock-star guitar, or the Barbie-doll that sang a single mindless tune into a karaoke microphone.
After all, neither the crib nor the doll lying in it did anything. They didn’t make sounds, they didn’t dance, they didn’t offer interactive beeps – they just, well, lay there…
I admit that I was disappointed. Somehow, I expected Katherine to feel thrilled at receiving something that had already survived three generations.
But history, I realize, means little to a generation raised on instant everything.
And my generation has not succeeding in bringing the past alive, I regret.
We tend to think that we must teach the past as academic data and dates. Facts – the Taylors came from Scotland, the Andersons from Sweden, the Rentz family from Ohio, the Frackeltons from Northern Ireland…. Assorted dates – 1800, 1827, 1907, 1910, 1930….
But it’s stories that make the past come to life. Stories about the carpenter who had to make his own tools. The merchant who opened the bank’s very first account. The missionary who had given up hopes of getting married…
We need to tell these stories until they become so familiar they form a background to every daily activity, a running counterpoint to life’s familiar themes.
We might learn something from what we often consider more primitive societies. In a sense, they don’t just know about their ancestors – they are their ancestors. Biblical people, for example, didn’t just learn about Abraham and Jacob and Moses, about Sarah and Rachel and Esther. They made no distinction between themselves and their ancestors.
This integration of past and present is not always benign. Neighbours will get along without violence for generations – in Bosnia or Northern Ireland or Africa – until circumstances re-ignite their forebears’ feuds..
Because the feuds were kept alive by the stories they told.
That’s not good. But neither is it good to ignore our past, to live in a world that knows nothing but the present.
When we have no past, we cannot learn from it.
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Bloopers, Boggles, Typos and Stuff – from the file
* Child care provided with reservations.
* Mark your calendars not to attend the church retreat.
* My joke is easy and my burden is light.
And this one. It’s been here in Rumors before (well, so has a lot of other stuff) but it needs to be repeated in view of today’s scripture. It was the lector who said solemnly, “Today we will hear the story of how Jesus was baptized by Jordan in the John.”
If you’ve spotted any good bloopers in your church bulletin or newsletter, or anywhere else for that matter, please send them to me. ralphmilton at shaw.ca (change the “at to the symbol and remove the spaces.)
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Wish I’d Said That! – Religion should arise from the experience of all things."
Albert Einstein via Stephani Keer
Take hope from the human heart and we become a beast of prey.
Marie Louise de la Ramce
Minds are like parachutes – not much good unless they are open.
source unknown via Evelyn McLachlan
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We Get Letters – see “Rumors” above for news about some particularly energetic feedback.
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Mirabile Dictu! – (Latin for “bladder urge!”) What with the New Year and a new decade, and my own celebration of three-quarters of a century, age is a bit on my mind. Those of you who have not yet reached this exalted status known as “old age” have this to look forward to.
* Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.
* The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
* You feel like the morning after the night before, and you haven’t been anywhere.
* Your “little black book” contains only names ending in MD.
* You get winded playing cards.
* Your children begin to look middle-aged.
* You join a health club and don’t go.
* A dripping faucet causes an uncomfortable bladder urge.
* You know all the answers but nobody asks the questions.
* You look forward to a dull evening.
* You need your glasses to find your glasses.
* You turn out the lights for economic reasons.
* You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.
* You knees buckle but your belt won’t.
* Your back goes out more than you do.
* You have too much room in your house and not enough in your medicine chest.
* You sink your teeth into a good steak and they stay there.
* You wonder why more people aren’t using big print.
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Bottom of the Barrel – This from Clayton McWhirter of Gibbons Alberta:
The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 40C.
The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.
Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.
They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.
The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.
The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.
Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.
They haggled back and forth for about two hours, and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.
And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max on the controls.
So, now you know...
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Scripture Story as Reader’s Theatre – Luke 3:15-17, 21-22
Reader 1: Today in our scripture we have the story of how Jesus was baptized.
Reader 2: Yes, and it must have been an important story for the early church because all four Gospels tell it.
1: Exactly the same story?
2: No, the details are different. But the main story is there. Jesus was baptized in the Jordan River by John.
1: Did John dip his hand into the water and dribble it on Jesus’ forehead? Did he pour the water from a jug? Did he dunk Jesus right under the water? Here in our church we ____________________.
2:In biblical times, there was only one kind of baptism and that was by full immersion.
1: So let’s read the story. It’s from the gospel of Luke, the third chapter.
2: Just a sec. We need a bit of context. Israel was not a free country. It was ruled by Rome through a puppet governor named Herod. And there was rumor going around the entire Jewish community – a rumor about a savior, a messiah – someone who would come and kick out the hated Romans and restore their freedom. Israel would again be ruled by a kind and loving king like King David. So when the prophet John began to preach and to baptize people, the rumor went around that maybe John was the Messiah they were hoping for.
1: OK, let’s try again. This is from the third chapter of Luke’s gospel.
SLIGHT PAUSE
2: The people were filled with expectation, and all were questioning in their hearts concerning John. Could he be the Messiah? Here’s what John said to them.
1:"I baptize you with water; but one who is more powerful than I am coming. I am not worthy to untie the thong of his sandals. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire.
His winnowing fork is in his hand, to clear his threshing floor and to gather the wheat into his granary; but the chaff he will burn with unquenchable fire."
2: Now when all the people were baptized, and when Jesus also had been baptized and was praying, the heaven was opened, and the Holy Spirit descended upon Jesus in bodily form like a dove. And a voice came from heaven.
1: "You are my Son, the Beloved. With you I am well pleased."
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Information and Stuff – (Read this section only if you want to know about subscribing, unsubscribing or quoting stuff from Rumors.) It would be nice if you could give Rumors a plug in your bulletin or newsletter. Please invite your friends (and even your enemies) to subscribe. There's no charge: RUMORS is free and it comes to your e-mail box every Sunday morning. Just send your friends the instructions to subscribe [below], and include an invitation to join the list ... perhaps something like this: “There’s a lively and fun newsletter called RUMORS which is available at no cost on the net. It’s for ‘Christians with a sense of humor’.” Please add the instructions to subscribe [below]. If you have a friend you think would enjoy Rumors, and you’d rather not give them the subscribing instructions below, send me an e-mail at ralphmilton at shaw.ca. (change the “at” to the “at” sign – you know the “a” with the circle around it. I’m trying to slow down the spammers.) Then give me the e-mail address of your friend. If you are using something from Rumors in your sermon, give credit only as appropriate, without stopping the sermon dead in its tracks. I am delighted when Rumors is useful in the life and work of the church. As long as it is within your congregation or parish, you don’t need permission. You are welcome to use the stuff in church bulletins or newsletters. Please say where it came from, and please invite people to subscribe to RUMORS. An appropriate credit line would be; “From Ralph Milton's RUMORS, a free Internet ‘e-zine’ for Christians with a sense of humor." ... and please be sure to include these instructions to subscribe to RUMORS: To Subscribe:* Send an e-mail to: rumors-subscribe@joinhands.com
* Don't put anything else in that e-mail
To Unsubscribe:
* Send an e-mail to: rumors-unsubscribe@joinhands.com
* Don’t put anything else in that e-mail* If you are changing e-mail addresses, and your old address will no longer be in service, you do not need to unsubscribe. The sending computer will try a few times, and then give up..~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Please Write – If you respond, react, think about, freak-out, or otherwise have things happen in your head as a result of reading the above, please send a note to: ralphmilton at shaw.ca.
Who knows, I might quote you in a future issue of RUMORS.All material is copyright © Ralph Milton.~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Preaching Materials for January 3rd, 2010
R U M O R S # 582
Ralph Milton’s E-zine for people of faith with a sense of humor
2009-12-27
December 27th, 2009
BEFORE THE BIG BANG
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Motto:
"A merry heart doeth good, like a medicine, but a broken spirit drieth the bones." (Proverbs 17:22 KJV)
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Best wishes for a joyful, creative New Year, full of just the right balance of challenges and possibilities. Or at least a year with more smiles than frowns.
Blessings in 2010 from Jim and Ralph
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The Story – imagine nothing
Rumors – New Year’s resolutions
Soft Edges – unholy Christmas carols
Bloopers – holy weed
We Get Letters – crawl on your knees
Mirabile Dictu! – repentagon
Bottom of the Barrel – name the shepherds
Scripture Story as Reader’s Theatre – John 1:(1-9), 10-18
Stuff – (read this only if you would like to subscribe, unsubscribe or are wondering about permissions. That sort of boring stuff.)
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Rib Tickler – This from Margaret Wood.
'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust...' At that moment a youngster in the front row asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'
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Next Week’s Readings – These are the readings you may hear in church this coming Sunday, January 3rd, which is the Second Sunday after Christmas Day.
* Jeremiah 31:7-14 or Sirach 24:1-12
* Psalm 147:12-20 or Wisdom of Solomon 10:15-21
* Ephesians 1:3-14
* John 1:(1-9), 10-18
The Story (from the Revised Common Lectionary) – John 1:(1-9), 10-18
Jim is up to his eyebrows in grandchildren this Christmas season, so his normal blurb isn’t available.
Ralph says –
I’ve not wanted to be a scientist since Santa brought me a “Junior Scientist” kit when I was about 10. I managed to thoroughly stink up the house. The less than encouraging comments from my three older sisters convinced me that my career objectives should involve clean-up work in a fish cannery or the handling of stinky garbage. As it turned out, I didn’t manage those either.
But I do enjoy popular science. I watch “Nova” on PBS and I subscribe to “Discover” magazine. And every once in awhile, in a piece on quantum physics or relativity I hear them saying that in the undiscovered beyond there is a reality – something totally “other” that we don’t have the minds to conceive.
I remember some sage declaring that when the mathematicians and physicists have climbed the tallest scientific mountain – when they have reached the end of their discovering – they will find God. I also remember a conversation with Madeleine L’Engle who told me she found more good theology in quantum physics than in the seminaries.
In the “Lectionary Story Bible” version of this story (Year A, page 37) I ask the children to imagine there is nothing. “No stars. No animals. No people. No you. Just nothing.” Children can probably do that more easily than adults. But it would be fun to challenge adults to do just that, in order to get a sense of what John was talking about in verse one. John’s verse one statement, as far as I can figure, has not yet been challenged by science because science has not yet reached that “beginning.” Almost, but not yet.
And if they do, will any human be able to conceive, much less describe, what they find?
Psalm 147:12-20 – paraphrased by Jim Taylor
Ralph Milton and I discussed our images of God one day. We concluded that most of the time God feels more like a mother than a father.
12 Thank God that God does things differently.
13 By the wisdom of this world, an unborn child has no value.
It has no name; it is not yet a person.
Yet while it is still in the womb, it somersaults with joy.
14 Its mother's eyes shine with hope;
her breasts swell with the milk of life.
15 To the mother, the unborn child within matters more than any international agreement;
she wraps it in her own body.
16 God carries us in her womb.
With her own lifeblood, God feeds us.
Like mother preparing a nursery for her newborn,
God readies the earth to receive us.
17 Winter gives way to spring;
frozen hearts thaw;
tightly buttoned spirits burst into fragile new leaf.
18 That is God's way:
out of darkness comes light;
out of ice, water;
out of pain and struggle, new life.
19 That is how God gives birth.
20 Others may not recognize this mystery.
But to us God has revealed the miracle.
Our cry of weakness is a cry of triumph;
our thirst invites us to lie close to the heart of God and drink our fill.
God does things differently. Thank God.
From: Everyday Psalms
Wood Lake Publications.
For details, go to www.woodlakebooks.com
Jeremiah 31:7-14 – I’ve been reading a fairly heavy tome titled “Christianity and Ethnicity in Canada.” In the course of their findings, the various authors tell us the mainline churches are sliding in numbers and they haven’t seen the bottom yet.
Increasingly, we are the faithful remnant Jeremiah is speaking to. We need to get used to that idea, and we need to grasp the hope that beyond our denominational deaths are the arms of a warm and kindly parent.
Ephesians 1:3-14 – there’s a lot of heavy theological language in this passage, but the underlying theme that comes through to me is of a God who cuts through everything else to offer us hope.
For children see “The Lectionary Story Bible, Year A,” page 37 for a children’s version of the John passage.
Click the main Wood Lake Publications website at www.woodlakebooks.com, or click on the following address which takes you directly to the “Lectionary Story Bible.”
http://tinyurl.com/2lonod
Or, if you live in Canada or the US, simply pick up the phone and dial 1 800 663 2775.
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Rumors – Before I retired, I was on a zillion mailing lists. Many of those lists were aimed at “business people.”
I’d get a bundle of advertising every day, and almost always there was something promoting another seminar, or another computer program, or some new gimmick to help me plan my time effectively so that I could “maximize” my efficiency and churn out more and better work more effectively and more profitably.
On a few occasions, the ads pressed my guilt buttons enough to have me sign up. I made diligent notes and came home full of good intentions. But they never lasted. All I was left with was a sense of frustration and failure.
Every New Year I would clean up my office, organize my calendar, straighten out my files and make firm resolutions that I would be more responsive to the needs of others. Three days later, things would be as chaotic as ever, and I would feel guilty and frustrated.
I had no problem making good resolutions. I just couldn’t keep them.
I knew all the theories – all the rhetoric about self-discipline. I just didn’t have any. And if I tried harder to develop some, all I accomplished was an enhanced sense of guilt and failure.
The only reason my life had some semblance of sanity was because I had surrounded myself with good, kind, generous and organized people who helped me. I usually managed to get things out more or less on time because of the gentle nagging of kind souls at Wood Lake Productions. I couldn’t have done it by myself. It was an example of God’s grace coming to me through other people.
I got to the point where I decided to never make any New Year’s resolutions I knew I wouldn’t keep. So I made a resolution to be more conscious and grateful for the wonderful grace I received. I was as dysfunctional as ever about many aspects of my life and work, but I knew that God’s angels – angels with names like Bev and Cynthia and Lois and Bonnie – cared about me and would help me make something beautiful out of my madly chaotic life.
Now that I am retired, there is less chaos simply because I have fewer responsibilities. But I’ve managed ten years of Rumors without missing a single issue because of angels with names like Bev, Jim, Kari and others.
I’ll still put things away in a spot where I know I’ll be able to find them, and then spend hours looking for them. I file precious documents in the bowels of my computer or in my “filing system” (read “piling system) and never see them again.
I’ve undertaken to provide graphics for the projection of all the hymns and much of the liturgy in our church, but it’s Karen, our minister’s prompt e-mail with the order of service attached, that arrives at the beginning of every week and wakes me up and gets me working.
So as I said last week, life is good. Things are normal. My work habits are not as good as they should be but as good as they can be, and I am blessed by the care of angels around me who help me do what I am called to do.
That’s the sense of gratitude and blessing that I carry into this newborn year.
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Soft Edges – by Jim Taylor
Unholy Christmas Carols
At our congregation, during the Sundays preceding Christmas, we usually take 15 minutes or so to sing Christmas carols before the more serious part of the service starts.
Last Sunday, the sing-along leader included “Jingle Bells.”
“Why not?” she explained to the choir. “Christmas is about joy. Why can’t we sing some traditional songs that give us joy, even if they don’t mention God or Jesus?”
Why not indeed?
Granted, a certain number of the secular Christmas songs focus on the commercial side of Christmas -- such as Eartha Kitt’s sultry “Santa Baby.”
But so did some historic songs. The “Twelve Days of Christmas” may have contained hidden religious symbolism, but it also celebrated a certain lust for luxuries far beyond the means of most singers.
Other secular songs deal mainly with the winter season. “Walkin’ in our Winter Wonderland” and “Let it Snow” have more to do with hormonal urges than with glad tidings of peace and goodwill.
And many of the Santa songs are simply morality messages set to music -- substituting a red-suited judge who keeps annotated lists for an almighty overseer who “knows if you’ve been bad or good, So be good for goodness sake...”
But “Silver Bells” is a beautiful melody that belongs in any Christmas sing-along. “Scarlet Ribbons,” popularized by Harry Belafonte so long ago, describes a father’s aching love for his daughter. “White Christmas” and “I’ll be Home for Christmas” speak of the yearning we all experience for friends and family.
Now, I happen to love the religious Christmas carols. I get joy from belting out “Adeste Fidelis” -- in Latin, of course -- or launching into four-part harmony on the chorus of “Angels We Have Heard on High”.
But “Joy to the World” doesn’t sound particularly joyful when sung half-heartedly by people afraid of opening their mouths.
Don’t people sing for fun anymore? I see people walking around with earphones plugged into their ears, playing canned music off an iPod or a Walkman. Sometimes they hum along tunelessly; more often, they let paid performers make music for them.
Singing has become a lost art.
No wonder people are afraid to open their mouths in church.
I’d much rather have people singing vigorously than restraining themselves because they fear sounding less than perfect.
Back when Sunday schools still had large enrolments, I recall trying to get 40 children to sing “Away in a Manger.” It sounded pathetic.
“Okay,” I asked, “what would you like to sing?”
“Rudolph!” someone called.
Without piano, without leadership, without books, they launched into “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” enthusiastically enough to rattle the windows.
I don’t consider that sacrilegious. I suspect that if Jesus himself were part of that children’s group, he’d rather sing “Rudolph” lustily than limp through “We Three Kings.”
We don’t offer praise by sounding dispirited and disheartened. If “Jingle Bells” moves us to sing whole-heartedly, and the “Huron Carol” or “Bleak Midwinter” do not, then by all means let’s include some secular carols in our sing-alongs.
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Bloopers, Boggles, Typos and Stuff – Tobi White of Lincoln, Nebraska writes: “We often project the liturgy and hymn words on screens in our Sanctuary. It has somehow fallen to the pastors (myself, included) to put these powerpoint presentations together. And no matter how I try, I inevitably make some typo. I think it might become a game for the congregation to identify the 'mistakes of the week.'
“This Christmas Eve, as we were singing 'Silent Night,' with candles lit and the powerpoint guiding our words, we came upon the second verse: ‘Heav'nly hosts sign Alleluia!’"
Tobi, I have a friend who is pastor of a church for the deaf. He would tell you that this time you got it right.
from the file:
* Today's Sermon: “How Much Can a Man Drink?” With hymns from a full choir.
* Lent is the period when we prepare for Holy Weed and Easter.
* We pray that our people will jumble themselves.
If you’ve spotted any good bloopers in your church bulletin or newsletter, or anywhere else for that matter, please send them to me. ralphmilton at shaw.ca (change the “at to the symbol and remove the spaces.)
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Wish I’d Said That! – Mary wrapped the first Christmas present.
a sign on a church via Jeanne Moore of Clio, Michigan
I left a trail of footprints deep in the snow. I swore one day I would retrace them. But when I turned around, I found that the wind had erased them.
source unknown via Lettie Fisher
If you have come here to help me, then you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.
Lila Watson via Michelle Creedy
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We Get Letters – This is the season when we’re all singing Silent Night. Lettie Fisher in Oklahoma reminds us that that for the first verse to make sense, we should sing, “All is calm. All is bright round yon virgin.” “No pause or the taking of a breath between bright and 'round.”
David Winfield of Christchurch, New Zealand writes: The two opera singers were performing in a Christmas presentation and providing a duo for the very beautiful 'O Holy Night'. Unfortunately at one point when the soprano was singing the line "Fall on your knees ..." the tenor entered singing another verse that featured the words "Christ is the Lord ...". Realizing his mistake during the first word he corrected himself with the result that his lyric now became "Crawl on your knees ..."
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Mirabile Dictu! – (Latin for “repentagon!”) Some definitions that are absolutely essential to the health and well-being of lay and clergy and those in-between who are called “lagy” and pronounced “lay-zhee”.
* How do you get holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
* What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids.
* What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
* What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work? A stick.
* What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
* Why do bagpipers walk when they play? They’re trying to get away from the noise.
* What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than an “A” bra.
* What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie? A dog that runs for help ... after it bites your leg off.
* What do you call a five-sided church? A repentagon.
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Bottom of the Barrel – Evelyn McLachlan sends this holiday groaner.
Q: On Christmas night, how many angels appeared to the shepherds, and what were their names?
A: There were two angels, and their names were 'Lo' and 'Behold.' Doesn't the Bible say, "Lo and Behold, the angels, appeared to the shepherds"?
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Scripture Story as Reader’s Theatre – John 1:(1-9), 10-18
Reader 1: I have a friend who says she finds more good theology in quantum physics than she does in anything else.
Reader 2: She may be stretching things a little, but there is some quantum physics in the Bible.
1: Your kidding me. They didn’t do anything more than decent arithmetic in Bible days.
2: Now you’re stretching things a bit. There are many different kinds of things in the Bible. Some of it is sophisticated. Some of it is primitive. But today’s reading is from the Gospel of John, and the first part of it sounds like some pretty high-level science.
1: That needs a bit of explaining.
2: The folks doing high level physics and astronomy talk about the Big Bang, the moment of the unimaginably huge explosion that started the universe expanding, and eventually, billions and billions of years later, resulted in our world. Among many other things.
1: So where is that in the Bible?
2: It’s not in the Bible. But astronomers have no idea what was there before the big bang. What was it that exploded? Why was there something there instead of nothing? What caused that explosion? And why?
1: And the Bible answers those questions?
2: Well, it addresses those questions. Whether it really answers the questions if for God to decide.
1: So let’s read it.
2: Right. We are reading from the beginning of John’s Gospel and he uses some pretty complicated language. So I would urge everyone to read this passage about a dozen times at home to really get the gist of what he is saying. For this reading, we are using an adaptation of the Inclusive Bible.
(SLIGHT PAUSE)
1: In the beginning was the Word, the Word was in God’s presence. And the Word was God.
2: The Word was present to God from the beginning.
1: Through the Word all things came into being, and apart from the Word nothing came into being that has come into being.
2: In the Word was life, and that light is our human light.
1: A light that shines in the darkness.
2: A light that the darkness has never overtaken.
1: Then came one named John, sent as an envoy from God, who came as a witness to testify about the Light, so that through his testimony everyone might believe. He himself was not the Light; he came only to testify about the Light – the true Light that illumines all humanity.
2: The Word was coming into the world –
1: The Word was in the world, and though the world was made through that Word, the world did not recognize it.
2: Though the Word came to its own realm, the Word’s own people did not accept it.
1: Yet any who did accept the Word, who believed in that Name, were empowered to become children of God.
2: These children were born, not of natural descent, nor the urge of the flesh, nor human will – these children were born of God.
1: And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us. We saw the glory. The favor and position a parent gives an only child – filled with grace and truth.
2: This is what John said.
1: This is the one I was talking about when I said, ‘The one who comes after me ranks ahead of me. For this One existed before I did.’
2: Of this One’s fullness we’ve all had a share. We’ve been given gift on top of gift.
1: You see, the law was given through Moses. But the Gift and the Truth came through Jesus Christ.
2: No one has ever seen God. But it was the only child – the child always at the parent’s side, who has revealed God to us.
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Information and Stuff – (Read this section only if you want to know about subscribing, unsubscribing or quoting stuff from Rumors.) It would be nice if you could give Rumors a plug in your bulletin or newsletter. Please invite your friends (and even your enemies) to subscribe. There's no charge: RUMORS is free and it comes to your e-mail box every Sunday morning. Just send your friends the instructions to subscribe [below], and include an invitation to join the list ... perhaps something like this: “There’s a lively and fun newsletter called RUMORS which is available at no cost on the net. It’s for ‘Christians with a sense of humor’.” Please add the instructions to subscribe [below]. If you have a friend you think would enjoy Rumors, and you’d rather not give them the subscribing instructions below, send me an e-mail at ralphmilton at shaw.ca. (change the “at” to the “at” sign – you know the “a” with the circle around it. I’m trying to slow down the spammers.) Then give me the e-mail address of your friend. If you are using something from Rumors in your sermon, give credit only as appropriate, without stopping the sermon dead in its tracks. I am delighted when Rumors is useful in the life and work of the church. As long as it is within your congregation or parish, you don’t need permission. You are welcome to use the stuff in church bulletins or newsletters. Please say where it came from, and please invite people to subscribe to RUMORS. An appropriate credit line would be; “From Ralph Milton's RUMORS, a free Internet ‘e-zine’ for Christians with a sense of humor." ... and please be sure to include these instructions to subscribe to RUMORS: To Subscribe:* Send an e-mail to: rumors-subscribe@joinhands.com
* Don't put anything else in that e-mail
To Unsubscribe:
* Send an e-mail to: rumors-unsubscribe@joinhands.com
* Don’t put anything else in that e-mail* If you are changing e-mail addresses, and your old address will no longer be in service, you do not need to unsubscribe. The sending computer will try a few times, and then give up..~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Please Write – If you respond, react, think about, freak-out, or otherwise have things happen in your head as a result of reading the above, please send a note to: ralphmilton at shaw.ca.
Who knows, I might quote you in a future issue of RUMORS.All material is copyright © Ralph Milton.~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Ralph Milton’s E-zine for people of faith with a sense of humor
2009-12-27
December 27th, 2009
BEFORE THE BIG BANG
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Motto:
"A merry heart doeth good, like a medicine, but a broken spirit drieth the bones." (Proverbs 17:22 KJV)
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Best wishes for a joyful, creative New Year, full of just the right balance of challenges and possibilities. Or at least a year with more smiles than frowns.
Blessings in 2010 from Jim and Ralph
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The Story – imagine nothing
Rumors – New Year’s resolutions
Soft Edges – unholy Christmas carols
Bloopers – holy weed
We Get Letters – crawl on your knees
Mirabile Dictu! – repentagon
Bottom of the Barrel – name the shepherds
Scripture Story as Reader’s Theatre – John 1:(1-9), 10-18
Stuff – (read this only if you would like to subscribe, unsubscribe or are wondering about permissions. That sort of boring stuff.)
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Rib Tickler – This from Margaret Wood.
'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust...' At that moment a youngster in the front row asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'
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Next Week’s Readings – These are the readings you may hear in church this coming Sunday, January 3rd, which is the Second Sunday after Christmas Day.
* Jeremiah 31:7-14 or Sirach 24:1-12
* Psalm 147:12-20 or Wisdom of Solomon 10:15-21
* Ephesians 1:3-14
* John 1:(1-9), 10-18
The Story (from the Revised Common Lectionary) – John 1:(1-9), 10-18
Jim is up to his eyebrows in grandchildren this Christmas season, so his normal blurb isn’t available.
Ralph says –
I’ve not wanted to be a scientist since Santa brought me a “Junior Scientist” kit when I was about 10. I managed to thoroughly stink up the house. The less than encouraging comments from my three older sisters convinced me that my career objectives should involve clean-up work in a fish cannery or the handling of stinky garbage. As it turned out, I didn’t manage those either.
But I do enjoy popular science. I watch “Nova” on PBS and I subscribe to “Discover” magazine. And every once in awhile, in a piece on quantum physics or relativity I hear them saying that in the undiscovered beyond there is a reality – something totally “other” that we don’t have the minds to conceive.
I remember some sage declaring that when the mathematicians and physicists have climbed the tallest scientific mountain – when they have reached the end of their discovering – they will find God. I also remember a conversation with Madeleine L’Engle who told me she found more good theology in quantum physics than in the seminaries.
In the “Lectionary Story Bible” version of this story (Year A, page 37) I ask the children to imagine there is nothing. “No stars. No animals. No people. No you. Just nothing.” Children can probably do that more easily than adults. But it would be fun to challenge adults to do just that, in order to get a sense of what John was talking about in verse one. John’s verse one statement, as far as I can figure, has not yet been challenged by science because science has not yet reached that “beginning.” Almost, but not yet.
And if they do, will any human be able to conceive, much less describe, what they find?
Psalm 147:12-20 – paraphrased by Jim Taylor
Ralph Milton and I discussed our images of God one day. We concluded that most of the time God feels more like a mother than a father.
12 Thank God that God does things differently.
13 By the wisdom of this world, an unborn child has no value.
It has no name; it is not yet a person.
Yet while it is still in the womb, it somersaults with joy.
14 Its mother's eyes shine with hope;
her breasts swell with the milk of life.
15 To the mother, the unborn child within matters more than any international agreement;
she wraps it in her own body.
16 God carries us in her womb.
With her own lifeblood, God feeds us.
Like mother preparing a nursery for her newborn,
God readies the earth to receive us.
17 Winter gives way to spring;
frozen hearts thaw;
tightly buttoned spirits burst into fragile new leaf.
18 That is God's way:
out of darkness comes light;
out of ice, water;
out of pain and struggle, new life.
19 That is how God gives birth.
20 Others may not recognize this mystery.
But to us God has revealed the miracle.
Our cry of weakness is a cry of triumph;
our thirst invites us to lie close to the heart of God and drink our fill.
God does things differently. Thank God.
From: Everyday Psalms
Wood Lake Publications.
For details, go to www.woodlakebooks.com
Jeremiah 31:7-14 – I’ve been reading a fairly heavy tome titled “Christianity and Ethnicity in Canada.” In the course of their findings, the various authors tell us the mainline churches are sliding in numbers and they haven’t seen the bottom yet.
Increasingly, we are the faithful remnant Jeremiah is speaking to. We need to get used to that idea, and we need to grasp the hope that beyond our denominational deaths are the arms of a warm and kindly parent.
Ephesians 1:3-14 – there’s a lot of heavy theological language in this passage, but the underlying theme that comes through to me is of a God who cuts through everything else to offer us hope.
For children see “The Lectionary Story Bible, Year A,” page 37 for a children’s version of the John passage.
Click the main Wood Lake Publications website at www.woodlakebooks.com, or click on the following address which takes you directly to the “Lectionary Story Bible.”
http://tinyurl.com/2lonod
Or, if you live in Canada or the US, simply pick up the phone and dial 1 800 663 2775.
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Rumors – Before I retired, I was on a zillion mailing lists. Many of those lists were aimed at “business people.”
I’d get a bundle of advertising every day, and almost always there was something promoting another seminar, or another computer program, or some new gimmick to help me plan my time effectively so that I could “maximize” my efficiency and churn out more and better work more effectively and more profitably.
On a few occasions, the ads pressed my guilt buttons enough to have me sign up. I made diligent notes and came home full of good intentions. But they never lasted. All I was left with was a sense of frustration and failure.
Every New Year I would clean up my office, organize my calendar, straighten out my files and make firm resolutions that I would be more responsive to the needs of others. Three days later, things would be as chaotic as ever, and I would feel guilty and frustrated.
I had no problem making good resolutions. I just couldn’t keep them.
I knew all the theories – all the rhetoric about self-discipline. I just didn’t have any. And if I tried harder to develop some, all I accomplished was an enhanced sense of guilt and failure.
The only reason my life had some semblance of sanity was because I had surrounded myself with good, kind, generous and organized people who helped me. I usually managed to get things out more or less on time because of the gentle nagging of kind souls at Wood Lake Productions. I couldn’t have done it by myself. It was an example of God’s grace coming to me through other people.
I got to the point where I decided to never make any New Year’s resolutions I knew I wouldn’t keep. So I made a resolution to be more conscious and grateful for the wonderful grace I received. I was as dysfunctional as ever about many aspects of my life and work, but I knew that God’s angels – angels with names like Bev and Cynthia and Lois and Bonnie – cared about me and would help me make something beautiful out of my madly chaotic life.
Now that I am retired, there is less chaos simply because I have fewer responsibilities. But I’ve managed ten years of Rumors without missing a single issue because of angels with names like Bev, Jim, Kari and others.
I’ll still put things away in a spot where I know I’ll be able to find them, and then spend hours looking for them. I file precious documents in the bowels of my computer or in my “filing system” (read “piling system) and never see them again.
I’ve undertaken to provide graphics for the projection of all the hymns and much of the liturgy in our church, but it’s Karen, our minister’s prompt e-mail with the order of service attached, that arrives at the beginning of every week and wakes me up and gets me working.
So as I said last week, life is good. Things are normal. My work habits are not as good as they should be but as good as they can be, and I am blessed by the care of angels around me who help me do what I am called to do.
That’s the sense of gratitude and blessing that I carry into this newborn year.
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Soft Edges – by Jim Taylor
Unholy Christmas Carols
At our congregation, during the Sundays preceding Christmas, we usually take 15 minutes or so to sing Christmas carols before the more serious part of the service starts.
Last Sunday, the sing-along leader included “Jingle Bells.”
“Why not?” she explained to the choir. “Christmas is about joy. Why can’t we sing some traditional songs that give us joy, even if they don’t mention God or Jesus?”
Why not indeed?
Granted, a certain number of the secular Christmas songs focus on the commercial side of Christmas -- such as Eartha Kitt’s sultry “Santa Baby.”
But so did some historic songs. The “Twelve Days of Christmas” may have contained hidden religious symbolism, but it also celebrated a certain lust for luxuries far beyond the means of most singers.
Other secular songs deal mainly with the winter season. “Walkin’ in our Winter Wonderland” and “Let it Snow” have more to do with hormonal urges than with glad tidings of peace and goodwill.
And many of the Santa songs are simply morality messages set to music -- substituting a red-suited judge who keeps annotated lists for an almighty overseer who “knows if you’ve been bad or good, So be good for goodness sake...”
But “Silver Bells” is a beautiful melody that belongs in any Christmas sing-along. “Scarlet Ribbons,” popularized by Harry Belafonte so long ago, describes a father’s aching love for his daughter. “White Christmas” and “I’ll be Home for Christmas” speak of the yearning we all experience for friends and family.
Now, I happen to love the religious Christmas carols. I get joy from belting out “Adeste Fidelis” -- in Latin, of course -- or launching into four-part harmony on the chorus of “Angels We Have Heard on High”.
But “Joy to the World” doesn’t sound particularly joyful when sung half-heartedly by people afraid of opening their mouths.
Don’t people sing for fun anymore? I see people walking around with earphones plugged into their ears, playing canned music off an iPod or a Walkman. Sometimes they hum along tunelessly; more often, they let paid performers make music for them.
Singing has become a lost art.
No wonder people are afraid to open their mouths in church.
I’d much rather have people singing vigorously than restraining themselves because they fear sounding less than perfect.
Back when Sunday schools still had large enrolments, I recall trying to get 40 children to sing “Away in a Manger.” It sounded pathetic.
“Okay,” I asked, “what would you like to sing?”
“Rudolph!” someone called.
Without piano, without leadership, without books, they launched into “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” enthusiastically enough to rattle the windows.
I don’t consider that sacrilegious. I suspect that if Jesus himself were part of that children’s group, he’d rather sing “Rudolph” lustily than limp through “We Three Kings.”
We don’t offer praise by sounding dispirited and disheartened. If “Jingle Bells” moves us to sing whole-heartedly, and the “Huron Carol” or “Bleak Midwinter” do not, then by all means let’s include some secular carols in our sing-alongs.
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Bloopers, Boggles, Typos and Stuff – Tobi White of Lincoln, Nebraska writes: “We often project the liturgy and hymn words on screens in our Sanctuary. It has somehow fallen to the pastors (myself, included) to put these powerpoint presentations together. And no matter how I try, I inevitably make some typo. I think it might become a game for the congregation to identify the 'mistakes of the week.'
“This Christmas Eve, as we were singing 'Silent Night,' with candles lit and the powerpoint guiding our words, we came upon the second verse: ‘Heav'nly hosts sign Alleluia!’"
Tobi, I have a friend who is pastor of a church for the deaf. He would tell you that this time you got it right.
from the file:
* Today's Sermon: “How Much Can a Man Drink?” With hymns from a full choir.
* Lent is the period when we prepare for Holy Weed and Easter.
* We pray that our people will jumble themselves.
If you’ve spotted any good bloopers in your church bulletin or newsletter, or anywhere else for that matter, please send them to me. ralphmilton at shaw.ca (change the “at to the symbol and remove the spaces.)
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Wish I’d Said That! – Mary wrapped the first Christmas present.
a sign on a church via Jeanne Moore of Clio, Michigan
I left a trail of footprints deep in the snow. I swore one day I would retrace them. But when I turned around, I found that the wind had erased them.
source unknown via Lettie Fisher
If you have come here to help me, then you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.
Lila Watson via Michelle Creedy
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We Get Letters – This is the season when we’re all singing Silent Night. Lettie Fisher in Oklahoma reminds us that that for the first verse to make sense, we should sing, “All is calm. All is bright round yon virgin.” “No pause or the taking of a breath between bright and 'round.”
David Winfield of Christchurch, New Zealand writes: The two opera singers were performing in a Christmas presentation and providing a duo for the very beautiful 'O Holy Night'. Unfortunately at one point when the soprano was singing the line "Fall on your knees ..." the tenor entered singing another verse that featured the words "Christ is the Lord ...". Realizing his mistake during the first word he corrected himself with the result that his lyric now became "Crawl on your knees ..."
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Mirabile Dictu! – (Latin for “repentagon!”) Some definitions that are absolutely essential to the health and well-being of lay and clergy and those in-between who are called “lagy” and pronounced “lay-zhee”.
* How do you get holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
* What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids.
* What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
* What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work? A stick.
* What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
* Why do bagpipers walk when they play? They’re trying to get away from the noise.
* What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than an “A” bra.
* What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie? A dog that runs for help ... after it bites your leg off.
* What do you call a five-sided church? A repentagon.
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Bottom of the Barrel – Evelyn McLachlan sends this holiday groaner.
Q: On Christmas night, how many angels appeared to the shepherds, and what were their names?
A: There were two angels, and their names were 'Lo' and 'Behold.' Doesn't the Bible say, "Lo and Behold, the angels, appeared to the shepherds"?
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Scripture Story as Reader’s Theatre – John 1:(1-9), 10-18
Reader 1: I have a friend who says she finds more good theology in quantum physics than she does in anything else.
Reader 2: She may be stretching things a little, but there is some quantum physics in the Bible.
1: Your kidding me. They didn’t do anything more than decent arithmetic in Bible days.
2: Now you’re stretching things a bit. There are many different kinds of things in the Bible. Some of it is sophisticated. Some of it is primitive. But today’s reading is from the Gospel of John, and the first part of it sounds like some pretty high-level science.
1: That needs a bit of explaining.
2: The folks doing high level physics and astronomy talk about the Big Bang, the moment of the unimaginably huge explosion that started the universe expanding, and eventually, billions and billions of years later, resulted in our world. Among many other things.
1: So where is that in the Bible?
2: It’s not in the Bible. But astronomers have no idea what was there before the big bang. What was it that exploded? Why was there something there instead of nothing? What caused that explosion? And why?
1: And the Bible answers those questions?
2: Well, it addresses those questions. Whether it really answers the questions if for God to decide.
1: So let’s read it.
2: Right. We are reading from the beginning of John’s Gospel and he uses some pretty complicated language. So I would urge everyone to read this passage about a dozen times at home to really get the gist of what he is saying. For this reading, we are using an adaptation of the Inclusive Bible.
(SLIGHT PAUSE)
1: In the beginning was the Word, the Word was in God’s presence. And the Word was God.
2: The Word was present to God from the beginning.
1: Through the Word all things came into being, and apart from the Word nothing came into being that has come into being.
2: In the Word was life, and that light is our human light.
1: A light that shines in the darkness.
2: A light that the darkness has never overtaken.
1: Then came one named John, sent as an envoy from God, who came as a witness to testify about the Light, so that through his testimony everyone might believe. He himself was not the Light; he came only to testify about the Light – the true Light that illumines all humanity.
2: The Word was coming into the world –
1: The Word was in the world, and though the world was made through that Word, the world did not recognize it.
2: Though the Word came to its own realm, the Word’s own people did not accept it.
1: Yet any who did accept the Word, who believed in that Name, were empowered to become children of God.
2: These children were born, not of natural descent, nor the urge of the flesh, nor human will – these children were born of God.
1: And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us. We saw the glory. The favor and position a parent gives an only child – filled with grace and truth.
2: This is what John said.
1: This is the one I was talking about when I said, ‘The one who comes after me ranks ahead of me. For this One existed before I did.’
2: Of this One’s fullness we’ve all had a share. We’ve been given gift on top of gift.
1: You see, the law was given through Moses. But the Gift and the Truth came through Jesus Christ.
2: No one has ever seen God. But it was the only child – the child always at the parent’s side, who has revealed God to us.
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Information and Stuff – (Read this section only if you want to know about subscribing, unsubscribing or quoting stuff from Rumors.) It would be nice if you could give Rumors a plug in your bulletin or newsletter. Please invite your friends (and even your enemies) to subscribe. There's no charge: RUMORS is free and it comes to your e-mail box every Sunday morning. Just send your friends the instructions to subscribe [below], and include an invitation to join the list ... perhaps something like this: “There’s a lively and fun newsletter called RUMORS which is available at no cost on the net. It’s for ‘Christians with a sense of humor’.” Please add the instructions to subscribe [below]. If you have a friend you think would enjoy Rumors, and you’d rather not give them the subscribing instructions below, send me an e-mail at ralphmilton at shaw.ca. (change the “at” to the “at” sign – you know the “a” with the circle around it. I’m trying to slow down the spammers.) Then give me the e-mail address of your friend. If you are using something from Rumors in your sermon, give credit only as appropriate, without stopping the sermon dead in its tracks. I am delighted when Rumors is useful in the life and work of the church. As long as it is within your congregation or parish, you don’t need permission. You are welcome to use the stuff in church bulletins or newsletters. Please say where it came from, and please invite people to subscribe to RUMORS. An appropriate credit line would be; “From Ralph Milton's RUMORS, a free Internet ‘e-zine’ for Christians with a sense of humor." ... and please be sure to include these instructions to subscribe to RUMORS: To Subscribe:* Send an e-mail to: rumors-subscribe@joinhands.com
* Don't put anything else in that e-mail
To Unsubscribe:
* Send an e-mail to: rumors-unsubscribe@joinhands.com
* Don’t put anything else in that e-mail* If you are changing e-mail addresses, and your old address will no longer be in service, you do not need to unsubscribe. The sending computer will try a few times, and then give up..~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Please Write – If you respond, react, think about, freak-out, or otherwise have things happen in your head as a result of reading the above, please send a note to: ralphmilton at shaw.ca.
Who knows, I might quote you in a future issue of RUMORS.All material is copyright © Ralph Milton.~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Preaching Materials for December 27th, 2009
R U M O R S # 581
Ralph Milton’s E-zine for people of faith with a sense of humor
2009-12-20
December 20th, 2009
SHEER AND UTTER PANIC
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Motto:
"A merry heart doeth good, like a medicine, but a broken spirit drieth the bones." (Proverbs 17:22 KJV)
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The two of us (Jim & Ralph) wish all of you the deep joy of Christmas, as we experience again the birth of the living Christ within us.
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The Story – amazing twelve-year-olds
Rumors – nothing to report
Soft Edges – acting like raccoons
Bloopers – curing the darkness
We Get Letters – all is clam
Mirabile Dictu! – ten Lords a leaping
Bottom of the Barrel – four to go
Scripture Story as Reader’s Theatre – Luke 2:41-52
Stuff – (read this only if you would like to subscribe, unsubscribe or are wondering about permissions. That sort of boring stuff.)
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Rib Tickler – The couple was teaching their three-year-old the Ten Commandments. All went well until they came to the 6th. The three-year-old version was: “Thou shalt not admit adultery.”
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Next Week’s Readings – These are the readings you may hear in church this coming Sunday, the first Sunday after Christmas Day.
*1 Samuel 2:18-20, 26
* Psalm 148
* Colossians 3:12-17
* Luke 2:41-52
The Story (from the Revised Common Lectionary) – Luke 2:41-52 (Yes, we are being good little boys and sticking with the Lectionary again.)
Ralph says–
The story is obviously the Luke passage. If Jesus had living grandparents, this is the kind of story they would have told. And if they were like grandparents through the ages, the story would have grown just a little with each telling. Especially in the company of other grandparents who play a little game called “my-grandchild-is-more-wonderful-than-your-grandchild.” Bev and I never, ever do that, of course, but we’ve certainly heard it from other grandparents.
Twelve-year-olds can have an amazing capacity to absorb information if they are encouraged and given the resources. If there was a synagogue school in Nazareth and if it had even a small collection of books, it’s not impossible that Jesus would have virtually memorized them. And his ability to quote verbatim from those books would have genuinely amazed the scholars in the temple. Their wisdom was broad and deep, while Jesus’ learning was new and focused.
And for Jesus it was exciting. It is very easy for older people, who have read widely and lived deeply, to become somewhat jaded. Intellectually tired, perhaps.
I’d put myself in that category. From time to time I’ve encountered young people who are full ideas and information that is new and fresh to them. The life they’ve encountered in their few years becomes clear – focused through their new perspective on life.
My temptation is to brush them off. “Yeah! Yeah! Been there. Done that. Come and talk to me in ten years when you realize how complex life really is.”
Evidently, the priests and scribes in the Temple didn’t do that to Jesus, for which we can all be profoundly, deeply grateful.
Jim says –
The King James Version had a nice ring to it: “And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man.” Depending on the version you prefer, you’ll find the message repeated, more or less word for word, in 1 Samuel.
I’d want to get that linkage of Jesus and Samuel out of the way early. To modern worshippers, Samuel is a meaningless figure. The parallel may have lent some authority to Jesus, for people who lived by the Hebrew scriptures; it doesn’t today.
To illustrate that growth in stature, I might use a measuring stick, like the wall or door jamb on which families mark the increasing heights of their children. But how do we mark increasing wisdom?
The memorable story here, I think, is not about Jesus, but about his parents. Every parent can identify with the desperation, the panic, that a missing child creates.
Whenever a child disappears, the news media fan fears the child may have been abducted, kidnapped, sexually abused, even murdered... Tragically, those fears are sometimes justified.
Fortunately, in most cases the child is found. He or she simply wandered off. The relief is as overwhelming as the panic had been.
We lost our son once, when he was about three. One moment he was with us in a department store; the next, he wasn’t. We – and several clerks – commenced a frantic search. We found him when we noticed the lights going out on various displays. We traced the power cords, and found him happily pulling plugs out of the wall!
If the parents in your congregation can live into that terrible paralyzing fear that Mary and Joseph must have felt, this Bible story will become real for them
Psalm 148: 1-14 – paraphrased by Jim Taylor
1 Jubilation, exaltation, celebration, one and all!
2 Within the womb of the heavens, the orb of earth leaps to praise its Creator.
3, 4 As the pearl necklace of the planets swings around the sun,
as the shining oceans embrace the continents,
so do all living things praise the giver of life.
5 For God expressed a thought, and the thought took life.
6 God wanted to speak, and the Word became flesh and lived among us.
7 In that Word was holiness,
the spirit that makes every life more than the sum of its chemicals.
From the tiniest plankton in the sea to the great whales,
from the ants that burrow in the dust to the eagle that soars in the heavens –
all owe their existence to God.
8 Fire and hail, snow and frost, sun and drought, wind and rain –
in God, all things work together for good.
9 The mighty mountains compost into rich soil;
fruit trees and cedars aerate the atmosphere.
10 The dung beetle depends on the wastes of cattle;
birds and currents carry seeds to new orchards.
11 No one is cut off from the energy of God,
neither presidents throned in offices nor derelicts huddled under bridges.
12 For in God there is neither male nor female, old nor young, black nor white.
13 All have been equally created by God;
their lives all witness to God's grace.
14 With profligate generosity, God scatters new life among weeds and thistles.
And all of creation responds with rejoicing.
From: Everyday Psalms
Wood Lake Publications.
For details, go to www.woodlakebooks.com
Samuel 2:18-20, 26 – This is a story that tugs at my emotions. I wonder how deeply painful it must have been for Hannah to make that little robe for her child and take it to him when she would see him just once each year. And I wonder what it was like for that little prophet-in-training to grow up without a mother to hold him and rock him through the long, dark nights.
The story of Jesus in Luke’s gospel is clearly told as a parallel to this one, as are many other gospel accounts, to show that Jesus was a prophet in the tradition of the ancient ones. I wonder if that means much to us, nowadays.
Colossians 3:12-17 – This passage is a powerful little sermon all on its own. Unlike so many lectionary passages, it can be read on its own without commentary. But it probably would be good to read it twice – maybe even more times – so that all those powerful admonishments would sink in .
A story called “Jesus Goes to the Temple” is found in “The Lectionary Story Bible, Year C,” page 34. It uses parts of Psalm 148 and references to 1 Samuel 2:18-20, 26.
There are children’s stories for every Sunday in the Revised Common Lectionary, in “The Lectionary Story Bible,” by yours truly. The marvellous illustrations are by Margaret Kyle. There’s at least one story for each Sunday, usually two, and occasionally three. Click the main Wood Lake Publications website at www.woodlakebooks.com, or click on the following address which takes you directly to the “Lectionary Story Bible.”
http://tinyurl.com/2lonod
Or, if you live in Canada or the US, simply pick up the phone and dial 1 800 663 2775.
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Rumors – This is the time of year when friends all over the world send Christmas letters telling us a bit about their life over the past year.
Because our family has lived in three countries and six cities – and because many of our friends have not been the kind who hunkered down and stayed put – those letters come from many different places. And they tell many and varied stories.
There are a few, very short notes from surviving children saying that mom or dad passed on during the year. Almost all the letters tell stories of struggle and hope. Most of them try, but not all succeed, in avoiding the “organ recital,” the litany of pains and pills that come with aging. Old age is not for sissies.
Bev and I have never quite managed to get all our ducks in a row in time to send out a Christmas letter, so we’ve made a virtue out of necessity (or reality) and we do an Epiphany letter each year.
Our greatest joy will be to tell people that nothing is happening. No, we’re not cured of all the maladies that afflict us. We both take half a bushel of pills every day, but those pills are doing their job. We’ve managed a kind of homeostasis – a normalcy where the things that are, simply are, and therefore not worth commentary. And what a gift that is. To feel normal.
Not miserable and not euphoric. Simply normal. The big news is that nothing much is happening, at least not to Bev and me. We’re part of an extended family where there’s all kinds of stuff going on but not for us.
I have no illusions that someday a certain pill will give me the body of the fabled 20-year-old Swede. I never had such a body. I wouldn’t know what to do with it if I had one now.
Nor do I have illusions that this blessed state of normalcy will continue forever. Something else will go wonky and we’ll have to deal with whatever it is.
But for the moment, I am delighted to report that there is nothing to report.
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Soft Edges – by Jim Taylor
Acting Like Raccoons
According to legend, exactly at midnight on Christmas Eve, barn animals bow in homage to the infant born in their midst.
“Ox and ass before him bow,” we sing in one familiar carol. In his poem “The Oxen,” Thomas Hardy imagined the beasts dropping to their knees in the straw.
I’m guessing that they didn’t have raccoons back then. Somehow, I cannot imagine raccoons kneeling in homage to anybody. Not even Jesus.
As a young man, I heard the local raccoon gang invading our garbage cans. I went out with a flashlight, expecting to shoo them away. They didn’t budge. And when they started baring canine teeth, guess which of us backed off?
An acquaintance had a similar experience when she tried to scare a squad of raccoons destroying her third backyard inflatable pool. “Their reaction to me running out into the yard waving a broom, yelling at the top of my lungs,” she wrote, “was an unconcerned glance in my direction, and back to shredding the pool.”
Her sister had to have rabies shots after a raccoon ripped through the screen on her bedroom window. Neither two dogs barking, nor the sister trying to whack the intruder with a 2x4 -- “Doesn't everyone keep one of those handy?” my informant asked -- deterred the unwelcome visitor.
Finally, one of the dogs tackled the raccoon. Sister intervened, and got a full set of raccoon teeth embedded in her hand.
The dog, fortunately, had had rabies shots. The sister hadn’t – yet.
This was, fortunately, a lone intruder. Raccoons are generally social creatures, who work together to create havoc.
Our next door neighbours were having a barbecue one evening. Guests gathered to watch Mama Raccoon parade her brood across the end of the yard. Meanwhile, Papa filched a steak right off the barbecue.
With their little masked bandit faces, raccoons are as cute as buttons. They’re intelligent. Their fingers uncannily resemble ours.
Perhaps that’s why we feel a kind of kinship with them. We share a lot of traits.
Which is why I suspect that if there had been raccoons in that stable, on that first Christmas, they’d have been more likely to steal any scraps of food Mary and Joseph had than to kneel in awe beside the manger.
Instead of gazing benignly upon an idealized mom-and-child scene, Joseph would have been chasing a bunch of irreverent bandits around the stable.
The nativity story, handed down through some 80 generations, tells us that the only humans who knelt beside the manger were total strangers, shepherds awed by some near-hallucinogenic visions in the fields.
The rest of Bethlehem, it would seem, acted more like raccoons. They carried on with their usual business of surviving in a country occupied by a foreign army and ruled by a corrupt king.
For some, no doubt, their “usual business” included a certain amount of theft, larceny, and under-the-counter dealing.
Just like today.
It makes me wonder just how far we have really progressed in 20 centuries.
I wonder, in fact, how many of us humans today still carry on with our usual business, without much thought for the miracles that take place in our midst.
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Bloopers, Boggles, Typos and Stuff – Paul Hartman discovered this interesting and possibly profound typo in a list of things that “Hope” does.
“Hope lights a candle instead of curing the darkness.”
Perhaps Paul, that means we tend to address the symptoms rather than the underlying problem.
John Ellis of Paris, Maine writes: “A recent choral concert ended with a sing-along. The song sheet instructed the audience to sing ‘Silent night, holy night, all is clam, all is bright’."
If you’ve spotted any good bloopers in your church bulletin or newsletter, or anywhere else for that matter, please send them to me. ralphmilton at shaw.ca (change the “at to the symbol and remove the spaces.)
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Wish I’d Said That! – There are victories of the soul and spirit. Sometimes, even if you lose, you win.
Elie Wiesel via Jim Taylor
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
Will Rogers via Evelyn McLachlan
Christmas comes but once a year. Which is just as well.
source unknown
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We Get Letters – Kelly Taylor-Schaus saw this on a church bulletin board.
“Beat the Christmas rush. Go to church THIS week.
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Mirabile Dictu! – (Latin for “Ten Lords a Leaping!”) Traditionally, the 12 days of Christmas begin on December 25th. That funny old carol, “The Twelve Days of Christmas,” which we like to bellow each year, is a good one to sing during that time.
It’s more legend than fact, but the story goes that during the era when Roman Catholics in England were not permitted to practice their faith openly, this song was written as a secret catechism for their children.
The symbols are as follows: * My True Love is God.
* Partridge in a Pear Tree is a reference to Jesus Christ (perhaps from Matthew 23:37 and Luke 13:34).
* Two Turtle Doves are the Old and New Testament.
* Three French Hens refer to faith, hope and love (1 Corinthians 13).
* Four Calling Birds are four gospels.
* Five Golden Rings are the Torah, the first five books of Hebrew Scripture.
* Six Geese a-Laying are the six days of Creation.
* Seven Swans a-Swimming are the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit.
* Eight Maids a-Milking refer to the eight beatitudes from Matthew 5.
* Nine Ladies Dancing are the fruits of the Spirit listed in Galatians 5.
* Ten Lords a-Leaping refer to the Ten Commandments.
* Eleven Pipers Piping are the eleven faithful disciples.
* Twelve Drummers Drumming are the twelve points of belief in the Apostle’s Creed.
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Bottom of the Barrel – This classic from Evelyn McLachlan.
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.
"He's a funeral director," she answered.
"Interesting," the newsman thought.
He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.
After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."
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Scripture Story as Reader’s Theatre – Luke 2:41-52
(NOTE: IT WOULD BE GOOD IF READER 2 COULD BE FEMALE.)
Reader 1: It was strange, y’know. I read the passage from 1 Samuel, and then I read this story in the gospel of Luke. It’s almost as if the Luke story was patterned on the older story.
Reader 2: It probably was. The gospel writers made a conscious attempt to make Jesus look like the ancients – like Samuel the prophet, like Moses, like Isaiah. It was really important to them that Jesus was connected to those old Hebrew stories.
1: (SPEAKING TO READER 2) Does that matter to you? (SPEAKING TO CONGREGATION) Does it matter to you?
2: No. At least it doesn’t matter nearly as much. People want the Bible to make sense to them in the here and now. In terms of today’s reality.
1: Okay, then this story will make sense to anyone who’s had a child go missing, even for a few minutes. The sense of sheer panic was overwhelming.
2: It’ll also make sense to anyone who has experienced an exceptionally bright child. I know one twelve-year-old who was reading adult books and remembering everything in them. Sometimes it seemed there was an adult brain in a 12-year-old body. Then the next minute he seemed like a kid again. That’s what Jesus sounds like in this story.
1: Well, let’s read it. It’s from Luke’s gospel.
SLIGHT PAUSE
2: Now every year Jesus’ parents went to Jerusalem for the festival of the Passover. And when he was twelve years old, they went up as usual for the festival.
1: When the festival was ended and they started to return, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but his parents did not know it. Assuming that Jesus was in the group of travelers, they went a day's journey. Then they started to look for him among their relatives and friends.
2: When they did not find him, they returned to Jerusalem to search for him. After three days they found Jesus in the temple, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions.
1: And all who heard him were amazed at his understanding and his answers. When his parents saw him they were astonished; and his mother spoke sharply to him.
2: Child, why have you treated us like this? Look, your father and I have been searching for you in great anxiety."
1: "Why were you searching for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father's house?"
2: But they did not understand what he said to them. Then Jesus went down with his parents and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them. His mother treasured all these things in her heart.
1: And Jesus increased in wisdom and in years, and in divine and human favor.
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Information and Stuff – (Read this section only if you want to know about subscribing, unsubscribing or quoting stuff from Rumors.) It would be nice if you could give Rumors a plug in your bulletin or newsletter. Please invite your friends (and even your enemies) to subscribe. There's no charge: RUMORS is free and it comes to your e-mail box every Sunday morning. Just send your friends the instructions to subscribe [below], and include an invitation to join the list ... perhaps something like this: “There’s a lively and fun newsletter called RUMORS which is available at no cost on the net. It’s for ‘Christians with a sense of humor’.” Please add the instructions to subscribe [below]. If you have a friend you think would enjoy Rumors, and you’d rather not give them the subscribing instructions below, send me an e-mail at ralphmilton at shaw.ca. (change the “at” to the “at” sign – you know the “a” with the circle around it. I’m trying to slow down the spammers.) Then give me the e-mail address of your friend. If you are using something from Rumors in your sermon, give credit only as appropriate, without stopping the sermon dead in its tracks. I am delighted when Rumors is useful in the life and work of the church. As long as it is within your congregation or parish, you don’t need permission. You are welcome to use the stuff in church bulletins or newsletters. Please say where it came from, and please invite people to subscribe to RUMORS. An appropriate credit line would be; “From Ralph Milton's RUMORS, a free Internet ‘e-zine’ for Christians with a sense of humor." ... and please be sure to include these instructions to subscribe to RUMORS: To Subscribe:* Send an e-mail to: rumors-subscribe@joinhands.com
* Don't put anything else in that e-mail
To Unsubscribe:
* Send an e-mail to: rumors-unsubscribe@joinhands.com
* Don’t put anything else in that e-mail* If you are changing e-mail addresses, and your old address will no longer be in service, you do not need to unsubscribe. The sending computer will try a few times, and then give up..~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Please Write – If you respond, react, think about, freak-out, or otherwise have things happen in your head as a result of reading the above, please send a note to: ralphmilton at shaw.ca.
Who knows, I might quote you in a future issue of RUMORS.All material is copyright © Ralph Milton.~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Ralph Milton’s E-zine for people of faith with a sense of humor
2009-12-20
December 20th, 2009
SHEER AND UTTER PANIC
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Motto:
"A merry heart doeth good, like a medicine, but a broken spirit drieth the bones." (Proverbs 17:22 KJV)
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The two of us (Jim & Ralph) wish all of you the deep joy of Christmas, as we experience again the birth of the living Christ within us.
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The Story – amazing twelve-year-olds
Rumors – nothing to report
Soft Edges – acting like raccoons
Bloopers – curing the darkness
We Get Letters – all is clam
Mirabile Dictu! – ten Lords a leaping
Bottom of the Barrel – four to go
Scripture Story as Reader’s Theatre – Luke 2:41-52
Stuff – (read this only if you would like to subscribe, unsubscribe or are wondering about permissions. That sort of boring stuff.)
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Rib Tickler – The couple was teaching their three-year-old the Ten Commandments. All went well until they came to the 6th. The three-year-old version was: “Thou shalt not admit adultery.”
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Next Week’s Readings – These are the readings you may hear in church this coming Sunday, the first Sunday after Christmas Day.
*1 Samuel 2:18-20, 26
* Psalm 148
* Colossians 3:12-17
* Luke 2:41-52
The Story (from the Revised Common Lectionary) – Luke 2:41-52 (Yes, we are being good little boys and sticking with the Lectionary again.)
Ralph says–
The story is obviously the Luke passage. If Jesus had living grandparents, this is the kind of story they would have told. And if they were like grandparents through the ages, the story would have grown just a little with each telling. Especially in the company of other grandparents who play a little game called “my-grandchild-is-more-wonderful-than-your-grandchild.” Bev and I never, ever do that, of course, but we’ve certainly heard it from other grandparents.
Twelve-year-olds can have an amazing capacity to absorb information if they are encouraged and given the resources. If there was a synagogue school in Nazareth and if it had even a small collection of books, it’s not impossible that Jesus would have virtually memorized them. And his ability to quote verbatim from those books would have genuinely amazed the scholars in the temple. Their wisdom was broad and deep, while Jesus’ learning was new and focused.
And for Jesus it was exciting. It is very easy for older people, who have read widely and lived deeply, to become somewhat jaded. Intellectually tired, perhaps.
I’d put myself in that category. From time to time I’ve encountered young people who are full ideas and information that is new and fresh to them. The life they’ve encountered in their few years becomes clear – focused through their new perspective on life.
My temptation is to brush them off. “Yeah! Yeah! Been there. Done that. Come and talk to me in ten years when you realize how complex life really is.”
Evidently, the priests and scribes in the Temple didn’t do that to Jesus, for which we can all be profoundly, deeply grateful.
Jim says –
The King James Version had a nice ring to it: “And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man.” Depending on the version you prefer, you’ll find the message repeated, more or less word for word, in 1 Samuel.
I’d want to get that linkage of Jesus and Samuel out of the way early. To modern worshippers, Samuel is a meaningless figure. The parallel may have lent some authority to Jesus, for people who lived by the Hebrew scriptures; it doesn’t today.
To illustrate that growth in stature, I might use a measuring stick, like the wall or door jamb on which families mark the increasing heights of their children. But how do we mark increasing wisdom?
The memorable story here, I think, is not about Jesus, but about his parents. Every parent can identify with the desperation, the panic, that a missing child creates.
Whenever a child disappears, the news media fan fears the child may have been abducted, kidnapped, sexually abused, even murdered... Tragically, those fears are sometimes justified.
Fortunately, in most cases the child is found. He or she simply wandered off. The relief is as overwhelming as the panic had been.
We lost our son once, when he was about three. One moment he was with us in a department store; the next, he wasn’t. We – and several clerks – commenced a frantic search. We found him when we noticed the lights going out on various displays. We traced the power cords, and found him happily pulling plugs out of the wall!
If the parents in your congregation can live into that terrible paralyzing fear that Mary and Joseph must have felt, this Bible story will become real for them
Psalm 148: 1-14 – paraphrased by Jim Taylor
1 Jubilation, exaltation, celebration, one and all!
2 Within the womb of the heavens, the orb of earth leaps to praise its Creator.
3, 4 As the pearl necklace of the planets swings around the sun,
as the shining oceans embrace the continents,
so do all living things praise the giver of life.
5 For God expressed a thought, and the thought took life.
6 God wanted to speak, and the Word became flesh and lived among us.
7 In that Word was holiness,
the spirit that makes every life more than the sum of its chemicals.
From the tiniest plankton in the sea to the great whales,
from the ants that burrow in the dust to the eagle that soars in the heavens –
all owe their existence to God.
8 Fire and hail, snow and frost, sun and drought, wind and rain –
in God, all things work together for good.
9 The mighty mountains compost into rich soil;
fruit trees and cedars aerate the atmosphere.
10 The dung beetle depends on the wastes of cattle;
birds and currents carry seeds to new orchards.
11 No one is cut off from the energy of God,
neither presidents throned in offices nor derelicts huddled under bridges.
12 For in God there is neither male nor female, old nor young, black nor white.
13 All have been equally created by God;
their lives all witness to God's grace.
14 With profligate generosity, God scatters new life among weeds and thistles.
And all of creation responds with rejoicing.
From: Everyday Psalms
Wood Lake Publications.
For details, go to www.woodlakebooks.com
Samuel 2:18-20, 26 – This is a story that tugs at my emotions. I wonder how deeply painful it must have been for Hannah to make that little robe for her child and take it to him when she would see him just once each year. And I wonder what it was like for that little prophet-in-training to grow up without a mother to hold him and rock him through the long, dark nights.
The story of Jesus in Luke’s gospel is clearly told as a parallel to this one, as are many other gospel accounts, to show that Jesus was a prophet in the tradition of the ancient ones. I wonder if that means much to us, nowadays.
Colossians 3:12-17 – This passage is a powerful little sermon all on its own. Unlike so many lectionary passages, it can be read on its own without commentary. But it probably would be good to read it twice – maybe even more times – so that all those powerful admonishments would sink in .
A story called “Jesus Goes to the Temple” is found in “The Lectionary Story Bible, Year C,” page 34. It uses parts of Psalm 148 and references to 1 Samuel 2:18-20, 26.
There are children’s stories for every Sunday in the Revised Common Lectionary, in “The Lectionary Story Bible,” by yours truly. The marvellous illustrations are by Margaret Kyle. There’s at least one story for each Sunday, usually two, and occasionally three. Click the main Wood Lake Publications website at www.woodlakebooks.com, or click on the following address which takes you directly to the “Lectionary Story Bible.”
http://tinyurl.com/2lonod
Or, if you live in Canada or the US, simply pick up the phone and dial 1 800 663 2775.
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Rumors – This is the time of year when friends all over the world send Christmas letters telling us a bit about their life over the past year.
Because our family has lived in three countries and six cities – and because many of our friends have not been the kind who hunkered down and stayed put – those letters come from many different places. And they tell many and varied stories.
There are a few, very short notes from surviving children saying that mom or dad passed on during the year. Almost all the letters tell stories of struggle and hope. Most of them try, but not all succeed, in avoiding the “organ recital,” the litany of pains and pills that come with aging. Old age is not for sissies.
Bev and I have never quite managed to get all our ducks in a row in time to send out a Christmas letter, so we’ve made a virtue out of necessity (or reality) and we do an Epiphany letter each year.
Our greatest joy will be to tell people that nothing is happening. No, we’re not cured of all the maladies that afflict us. We both take half a bushel of pills every day, but those pills are doing their job. We’ve managed a kind of homeostasis – a normalcy where the things that are, simply are, and therefore not worth commentary. And what a gift that is. To feel normal.
Not miserable and not euphoric. Simply normal. The big news is that nothing much is happening, at least not to Bev and me. We’re part of an extended family where there’s all kinds of stuff going on but not for us.
I have no illusions that someday a certain pill will give me the body of the fabled 20-year-old Swede. I never had such a body. I wouldn’t know what to do with it if I had one now.
Nor do I have illusions that this blessed state of normalcy will continue forever. Something else will go wonky and we’ll have to deal with whatever it is.
But for the moment, I am delighted to report that there is nothing to report.
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Soft Edges – by Jim Taylor
Acting Like Raccoons
According to legend, exactly at midnight on Christmas Eve, barn animals bow in homage to the infant born in their midst.
“Ox and ass before him bow,” we sing in one familiar carol. In his poem “The Oxen,” Thomas Hardy imagined the beasts dropping to their knees in the straw.
I’m guessing that they didn’t have raccoons back then. Somehow, I cannot imagine raccoons kneeling in homage to anybody. Not even Jesus.
As a young man, I heard the local raccoon gang invading our garbage cans. I went out with a flashlight, expecting to shoo them away. They didn’t budge. And when they started baring canine teeth, guess which of us backed off?
An acquaintance had a similar experience when she tried to scare a squad of raccoons destroying her third backyard inflatable pool. “Their reaction to me running out into the yard waving a broom, yelling at the top of my lungs,” she wrote, “was an unconcerned glance in my direction, and back to shredding the pool.”
Her sister had to have rabies shots after a raccoon ripped through the screen on her bedroom window. Neither two dogs barking, nor the sister trying to whack the intruder with a 2x4 -- “Doesn't everyone keep one of those handy?” my informant asked -- deterred the unwelcome visitor.
Finally, one of the dogs tackled the raccoon. Sister intervened, and got a full set of raccoon teeth embedded in her hand.
The dog, fortunately, had had rabies shots. The sister hadn’t – yet.
This was, fortunately, a lone intruder. Raccoons are generally social creatures, who work together to create havoc.
Our next door neighbours were having a barbecue one evening. Guests gathered to watch Mama Raccoon parade her brood across the end of the yard. Meanwhile, Papa filched a steak right off the barbecue.
With their little masked bandit faces, raccoons are as cute as buttons. They’re intelligent. Their fingers uncannily resemble ours.
Perhaps that’s why we feel a kind of kinship with them. We share a lot of traits.
Which is why I suspect that if there had been raccoons in that stable, on that first Christmas, they’d have been more likely to steal any scraps of food Mary and Joseph had than to kneel in awe beside the manger.
Instead of gazing benignly upon an idealized mom-and-child scene, Joseph would have been chasing a bunch of irreverent bandits around the stable.
The nativity story, handed down through some 80 generations, tells us that the only humans who knelt beside the manger were total strangers, shepherds awed by some near-hallucinogenic visions in the fields.
The rest of Bethlehem, it would seem, acted more like raccoons. They carried on with their usual business of surviving in a country occupied by a foreign army and ruled by a corrupt king.
For some, no doubt, their “usual business” included a certain amount of theft, larceny, and under-the-counter dealing.
Just like today.
It makes me wonder just how far we have really progressed in 20 centuries.
I wonder, in fact, how many of us humans today still carry on with our usual business, without much thought for the miracles that take place in our midst.
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Bloopers, Boggles, Typos and Stuff – Paul Hartman discovered this interesting and possibly profound typo in a list of things that “Hope” does.
“Hope lights a candle instead of curing the darkness.”
Perhaps Paul, that means we tend to address the symptoms rather than the underlying problem.
John Ellis of Paris, Maine writes: “A recent choral concert ended with a sing-along. The song sheet instructed the audience to sing ‘Silent night, holy night, all is clam, all is bright’."
If you’ve spotted any good bloopers in your church bulletin or newsletter, or anywhere else for that matter, please send them to me. ralphmilton at shaw.ca (change the “at to the symbol and remove the spaces.)
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Wish I’d Said That! – There are victories of the soul and spirit. Sometimes, even if you lose, you win.
Elie Wiesel via Jim Taylor
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
Will Rogers via Evelyn McLachlan
Christmas comes but once a year. Which is just as well.
source unknown
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We Get Letters – Kelly Taylor-Schaus saw this on a church bulletin board.
“Beat the Christmas rush. Go to church THIS week.
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Mirabile Dictu! – (Latin for “Ten Lords a Leaping!”) Traditionally, the 12 days of Christmas begin on December 25th. That funny old carol, “The Twelve Days of Christmas,” which we like to bellow each year, is a good one to sing during that time.
It’s more legend than fact, but the story goes that during the era when Roman Catholics in England were not permitted to practice their faith openly, this song was written as a secret catechism for their children.
The symbols are as follows: * My True Love is God.
* Partridge in a Pear Tree is a reference to Jesus Christ (perhaps from Matthew 23:37 and Luke 13:34).
* Two Turtle Doves are the Old and New Testament.
* Three French Hens refer to faith, hope and love (1 Corinthians 13).
* Four Calling Birds are four gospels.
* Five Golden Rings are the Torah, the first five books of Hebrew Scripture.
* Six Geese a-Laying are the six days of Creation.
* Seven Swans a-Swimming are the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit.
* Eight Maids a-Milking refer to the eight beatitudes from Matthew 5.
* Nine Ladies Dancing are the fruits of the Spirit listed in Galatians 5.
* Ten Lords a-Leaping refer to the Ten Commandments.
* Eleven Pipers Piping are the eleven faithful disciples.
* Twelve Drummers Drumming are the twelve points of belief in the Apostle’s Creed.
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Bottom of the Barrel – This classic from Evelyn McLachlan.
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.
"He's a funeral director," she answered.
"Interesting," the newsman thought.
He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.
After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."
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Scripture Story as Reader’s Theatre – Luke 2:41-52
(NOTE: IT WOULD BE GOOD IF READER 2 COULD BE FEMALE.)
Reader 1: It was strange, y’know. I read the passage from 1 Samuel, and then I read this story in the gospel of Luke. It’s almost as if the Luke story was patterned on the older story.
Reader 2: It probably was. The gospel writers made a conscious attempt to make Jesus look like the ancients – like Samuel the prophet, like Moses, like Isaiah. It was really important to them that Jesus was connected to those old Hebrew stories.
1: (SPEAKING TO READER 2) Does that matter to you? (SPEAKING TO CONGREGATION) Does it matter to you?
2: No. At least it doesn’t matter nearly as much. People want the Bible to make sense to them in the here and now. In terms of today’s reality.
1: Okay, then this story will make sense to anyone who’s had a child go missing, even for a few minutes. The sense of sheer panic was overwhelming.
2: It’ll also make sense to anyone who has experienced an exceptionally bright child. I know one twelve-year-old who was reading adult books and remembering everything in them. Sometimes it seemed there was an adult brain in a 12-year-old body. Then the next minute he seemed like a kid again. That’s what Jesus sounds like in this story.
1: Well, let’s read it. It’s from Luke’s gospel.
SLIGHT PAUSE
2: Now every year Jesus’ parents went to Jerusalem for the festival of the Passover. And when he was twelve years old, they went up as usual for the festival.
1: When the festival was ended and they started to return, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but his parents did not know it. Assuming that Jesus was in the group of travelers, they went a day's journey. Then they started to look for him among their relatives and friends.
2: When they did not find him, they returned to Jerusalem to search for him. After three days they found Jesus in the temple, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions.
1: And all who heard him were amazed at his understanding and his answers. When his parents saw him they were astonished; and his mother spoke sharply to him.
2: Child, why have you treated us like this? Look, your father and I have been searching for you in great anxiety."
1: "Why were you searching for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father's house?"
2: But they did not understand what he said to them. Then Jesus went down with his parents and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them. His mother treasured all these things in her heart.
1: And Jesus increased in wisdom and in years, and in divine and human favor.
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Information and Stuff – (Read this section only if you want to know about subscribing, unsubscribing or quoting stuff from Rumors.) It would be nice if you could give Rumors a plug in your bulletin or newsletter. Please invite your friends (and even your enemies) to subscribe. There's no charge: RUMORS is free and it comes to your e-mail box every Sunday morning. Just send your friends the instructions to subscribe [below], and include an invitation to join the list ... perhaps something like this: “There’s a lively and fun newsletter called RUMORS which is available at no cost on the net. It’s for ‘Christians with a sense of humor’.” Please add the instructions to subscribe [below]. If you have a friend you think would enjoy Rumors, and you’d rather not give them the subscribing instructions below, send me an e-mail at ralphmilton at shaw.ca. (change the “at” to the “at” sign – you know the “a” with the circle around it. I’m trying to slow down the spammers.) Then give me the e-mail address of your friend. If you are using something from Rumors in your sermon, give credit only as appropriate, without stopping the sermon dead in its tracks. I am delighted when Rumors is useful in the life and work of the church. As long as it is within your congregation or parish, you don’t need permission. You are welcome to use the stuff in church bulletins or newsletters. Please say where it came from, and please invite people to subscribe to RUMORS. An appropriate credit line would be; “From Ralph Milton's RUMORS, a free Internet ‘e-zine’ for Christians with a sense of humor." ... and please be sure to include these instructions to subscribe to RUMORS: To Subscribe:* Send an e-mail to: rumors-subscribe@joinhands.com
* Don't put anything else in that e-mail
To Unsubscribe:
* Send an e-mail to: rumors-unsubscribe@joinhands.com
* Don’t put anything else in that e-mail* If you are changing e-mail addresses, and your old address will no longer be in service, you do not need to unsubscribe. The sending computer will try a few times, and then give up..~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Please Write – If you respond, react, think about, freak-out, or otherwise have things happen in your head as a result of reading the above, please send a note to: ralphmilton at shaw.ca.
Who knows, I might quote you in a future issue of RUMORS.All material is copyright © Ralph Milton.~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Friday, December 11, 2009
Preaching Materials for December 20th, 2009
R U M O R S # 580
Ralph Milton’s E-zine for people of faith with a sense of humor
2009-12-13
December 13, 2009
TELLING THE OLD, OLD STORY
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Motto:
"A merry heart doeth good, like a medicine, but a broken spirit drieth the bones." (Proverbs 17:22 KJV)
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The Story – treasuring in your heart
Rumors – the lowest and least
Soft Edges – planting messiahs
Bloopers – the poverty secretary
We Get Letters – translating Canuck
Mirabile Dictu! – we might as well dance
Bottom of the Barrel – my friends will be wondering
Scripture Story as Reader’s Theatre – Isaiah 52:7-10 and Luke 2:1-21
Stuff – (read this only if you would like to subscribe, unsubscribe or are wondering about permissions. That sort of boring stuff.)
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Rib Tickler – Art Hebbeler of Laurel, Maryland sends this delightful story. Clergy should keep it handy for their prenuptial meetings.
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the priest with an unusual offer. “Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor, and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out.” He slipped the priest the cash and walked away. The wedding day arrived. When it came time for the groom’s vows, the priest looked the young man in the eye and said,” Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?” The groom gulped and looked around and then said in a tiny voice, “I do.” After the ceremony, the groom pulled the priest aside and hissed, “I thought we had a deal.” The priest slipped the $100 back into the man’s hand and whispered, “The bride’s father made me a much better offer.”
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Next Week’s Readings – These are the readings you may hear in church this coming Sunday, December 20th, if you are using the Revised Common Lectionary. It is the Fourth Sunday of Advent.
* Micah 5:2-5a
* Luke 1:46b-55 or Psalm 80:1-7
* Hebrews 10:5-10
* Luke 1:39-45, (46-55)
For the brave souls who decided to go with us in our little detour around the Revised Common lectionary, the readings we suggest for this Sunday are Isaiah 52:7-10 and Luke 2:8-21. However, we’re also suggesting that we do Luke 2:1-7 even though we read that last Sunday. So many of the folks will not have been in church the previous Sunday, and it makes the story more complete. For them it will be “the” Christmas service. So that’s what we’ve done in the Reader’s Theatre version below.
Note: There will be no special issue of Rumors for Christmas Day. My suggestion would be a simple service of carols and lessons.
Isaiah 52:7-10 and Luke 2:1-21
Ralph says:
It’s not often you can summarize a scripture passage in a single word, but for the Isaiah passage this week it’s easy. “Yippee!” Or “hoorah!” or whatever your favorite celebratory outburst may be. If words don’t come easily, a quick, lively dance will work. Let’s avoid the temptation of pick the passage apart and miss the celebration.
For the Luke passage, verse 19 gives us the appropriate response to the passage. “But Mary treasured all these words and pondered them in her heart.”
Notice that she pondered them in her heart. Not her head. And she treasured them. The way you would treasure a precious gift from someone you love.
Last Sunday Bev and I trotted off to Vernon to see a Christmas drama written by son-in-law Don, an amazingly talented and dedicated man. Jake and Zoë had minor parts to play, their father being careful not to make them the stars every time. But to Bev and me, yes of course, they were the stars.
The play was a variation on this story from Luke. This Sunday will see the children act out that ancient story in our own church. And as we delight in the children lisping their way through the drama, we will again “treasure” the story, and “ponder it in our hearts.”
Because the story isn’t really about something that happened 2,000 years ago. It’s about God, right now, breaking into our dull consciousness with a flash of beauty and power to which the only response is Isaiah’s response. In a word, “Yahoo!”
Jim says –
A woman in our congregation is putting together a multimedia presentation – art, dance, photography – to illustrate the re-telling of Luke’s nativity story. She challenged me to come up with a visual for the moment of Jesus’ birth.
I thought about that picture of a tiny hand reaching out of the womb during a Caesarian section and gripping the surgeon’s gloved finger.
I thought about pictures from NASA, taken by the Hubble telescope in space, showing galaxies bursting, supernova exploding, the curtains of the universe torn asunder...
Those images would fit with John’s gospel, which raises the birth of Christ from a human to a cosmic event.
But as I thought about it, I realized that perspective depends on hindsight. It’s only as we look back that we see Bethlehem’s cosmic implications. At the time, it was a mother’s scream of pain, a baby’s wail of distress at this new and unfamiliar environment. It was a single candle burning inside a darkened stable.
I remember going deep into a potash mine in Saskatchewan, once. A kilometre underground, our guide turned out all the lights. I have never felt such darkness. My eyes tried to get used to it, and couldn’t.
Then the guide flicked a cigarette lighter. And that tiny flame was enough to illuminate the entire underground cavern. We breathed a sigh of relief. We could see again.
I think that’s my image to accompany the birth of the Messiah. To quote John’s gospel again, “the light shines in the darkness...” And we can see...
The Magnificat – paraphrased by Jim Taylor
My body grows round with wonder;
my soul swells with thanksgiving.
For God has been so good to me;
God did not say, "She's just a girl."
Once I was a slip of a girl,
but now I am woman,
one who can bring forth new life.
In all generations, I am blessed.
How could anyone miss it--
this new life in me is divine.
It is holy.
God grants new life to all who have not lost a child's wonder;
they will be born again, and again, and again.
God watches over them;
God's fierce love fills predators with sudden fear.
The miracle of birth levels our human differences:
tough men become tenderly gentle,
learned professors blurt out baby talk,
even politicians fall silent in awe.
But the small and helpless are wrapped warmly in soft blankets;
they are held lovingly in caring arms;
they drink their fill with eyes closed.
The rich, for all their wealth and status, can go suck lemons.
That is how God deals with all of God's faithful people,
all who do not put their faith in themselves.
So God has always done,
so God will always do,
from Sarah's miracle, to mine.
From: Everyday Psalms
Wood Lake Publications.
For details, go to www.woodlakebooks.com
To help the adults understand the gospel reading, I would use “Jesus is Born” from the “Lectionary Story Bible, Year C, page 31. I would read it to the children, of course, and I would never tell the adults it was as much for their benefit as for the kids.
There are children’s stories for every Sunday in the Revised Common Lectionary, in “The Lectionary Story Bible,” by yours truly. The marvellous illustrations are by Margaret Kyle. There’s at least one story for each Sunday, usually two, and occasionally three. Click the main Wood Lake Publications website at www.woodlakebooks.com, or click on the following address which takes you directly to the “Lectionary Story Bible.”
http://tinyurl.com/2lonod
Or, if you live in Canada or the US, simply pick up the phone and dial 1 800 663 2775.
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Rumors – There have been some interesting and impassioned e-mails concerning the story in Rumors a couple of weeks ago about the birth of the Messiah. In my story, I had Mary being raped by a Roman soldier. Some found that idea offensive. Most found it somewhat liberating.
Stories should never be explained, but this time I will break my own rule.
One of the patterns you can find in the Hebrew scriptures is of God constantly reaching down to find the lowest and the least to carry forward the continuing revelation.
Abraham and Sarah – from a tiny, wandering bunch of desert dwellers. Joseph, the youngest son despised by his brothers. Moses, a murderer on the run. David, the youngest son of the smallest tribe.
For the supreme revelation, God reached down to the lowest of the low. Women, especially unmarried women, had little social value except as child-bearers. But to go even lower than that – a woman raped by a hated Roman would hardly be worthy of stoning to death.
I’m certainly not the first writer who’s put that into the story. I did it to underline in big bold letters the idea of God reaching way, way, way down to find the lowest of the low to be the bearer of the supreme gift. And to underline this, the baby is born in the stink and smell of a cow barn.
Some letter writers felt this tarnishes the image of Mary. And they were right. Unfortunately, we’ve developed an image of Mary from Christmas cards and crèches and even the children’s Christmas pageant we see each year. We see Mary with a beautiful blue dress and pure, white shawl singing “Away in a Manger” to a cuddly, clean baby in a bed of immaculate straw.
A friend once told me she refused to sing “O Little Town of Bethlehem” because the second verse has the words, “How silently, how silently, the wondrous gift is given.” “No,” said my friend. “Mary was about 16 years old. There was no anesthetic. Not even another woman to help. Jesus was born in screaming, bloody pain.”
I grew up in a farming community. The folks around us were good farmers, but there wasn’t a stable like the ones in the cards and crèches in any of the barns. And I once visited a stable in a cave near Beirut. My guide, a professor of New Testament, told me, “This is what that stable probably looked like and smelled like.”
It smelled of rotting manure and urine. There were rats and cockroaches scurrying around. The animals were thin and mangy.
We keep trying to avoid the message in this story. God reaches down. To the bottom. To the very bottom to find the bearer of the Good News.
And then, as if to underline it all, the story tells us it was the shepherds who were the first to be told and the first to come and visit.
Shepherds? Yes, people from the bottom of the social ladder. I wonder if Matthew added the Three Kings story because he was just like us – he couldn’t handle what Luke was telling us. When God reaches down to the bottom of the barrel, it is to the bottom. The very bottom. The fingernail-scratching bottom.
We don’t like that story, so we keep trying to clean it up. But that’s the story Luke tells us, whether we like it or not.
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Soft Edges – by Jim Taylor
Planting Messiahs
The first deep frost of the winter hit us this week. The ground is hard, the lawn crunchy.
And yet – as theme speaker Darryl Auten pointed out at last fall’s Banff Men’s Conference – this is the time when nature plants the seeds that will be next year’s blooms.
We humans save our seeds for planting in the spring. We wait until the danger of frost damage has passed, until the warmth of the sun begins to penetrate deep into the soil, before we trust our precious seeds to the ground. Traditionally, we didn’t plant until the Victoria Day holiday in May; as the climate warms, we’re more likely to plant in April.
But nature plants its seeds in the fall and nurtures them through the winter.
By November, our sunflowers have shed all their seeds. Some have simply fallen to the ground. Others have passed through the digestive tracts of birds and squirrels. Either way, those seeds will lie there, dormant, deep frozen, trampled on, until they germinate in spring.
Dozens of sunflowers will come up next year. But how many thousands of seeds did nature scatter to achieve that goal?
One of Jesus’ parables describes a farmer sowing seeds. He scattered seed on rocks, among thorns, on a pathway... Only a small portion fell on good ground and returned a crop.
By any conventional standards, that farmer would be a failure.
But it’s a perfect reflection of the way God – embodied in nature – scatters seeds. Wildly. Extravagantly. Profligately.
In nature, it seems to me, God never plants just one seed and expects it to mature. Millions of sperm race to reach an egg – granted, usually a single egg, but not the only egg that ovary will ever release. Millions of salmon eggs fertilize a stream. Millions of maple keys litter the streets.
God never gambles everything on one throw of the dice.
Except, it would seem, at Christmas.
Traditional teachings insist that God gambled everything on a single baby. God invested everything into one helpless infant, born to homeless parents, in an oppressed nation, at a time when that child had barely a 50 per cent chance of surviving its first five years, let alone becoming an adult.
It seems uncharacteristic of the ways God usually operates.
Don’t get me wrong – I do believe that the baby born in Bethlehem, who later became Jesus of Nazareth, is our ultimate revelation of God.
But I wonder, sometimes, if the apparent contradiction of method is ours, not God’s.
Maybe we assume that because we who call ourselves Christians profess only one Messiah, God must have made only one try at creating that Messiah.
Maybe God planted millions of potential Messiahs. Maybe every child has the potential to be a Messiah – leading by example, showing by her/his life what God is like and what God expects of us.
And one of those seeds took root in the right soil, and grew tall and strong and straight, and became the tree we still look up to.
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Bloopers, Boggles, Typos and Stuff – Vince Gilbert of Welwyn Garden City, UK, was typing the minutes of a meeting, when he realized he referred to the “District Property Secretary” as the “District Poverty Secretary”.
Says Vince, “Perhaps the function of Property is to distract us from our Poverty?
From the file:
* Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep.
* Diana and David request your presents at their wedding.
* Hymn of Response: Crown Him With Many Cows.
If you’ve spotted any good bloopers in your church bulletin or newsletter, or anywhere else for that matter, please send them to me. ralphmilton at shaw.ca (change the “at to the symbol and remove the spaces.)
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Wish I’d Said That! –Peace is not something you wish for. It’s something you make, something you do, something you are. Something you give away.
Robert Fulghum via Velia Watts
Suffering and joy teach us, if we allow them, how to make the leap of empathy, which transports us into the soul and heart of another person. In those transparent moments we know other people's joys and sorrows, and we care about their concerns as if they were our own:
Fritz Williams via Jim Taylor
Never invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear. It annoys them very much. G. K. Chesterton via Don Sandin
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We Get Letters – Evelyn McLachlan is concerned that some non-Canadians might not understand my Canuck dialect in the last issue. A note from Jim Arnold in North Missouri confirms that.
OK. Translation.
When the Canadian mint began producing one-dollar coins, they had pictures of loons (water fowl) on them. So quite naturally, we began calling them “loonies.” (It had nothing to do with the term “loony” as in being disconnected from reality.) Then, when the two dollar coin came along, it was, by logical extension, a “townie.” Or should that be spelled “twonie?” “Toonie?”
Jim also wanted to know what a “tuque” was. First of all, it is pronounced “took” which rhymes with – well, what in the world does it rhyme with? Maybe “kook” as in someone who is a few cards short of a deck.
In Canada, it’s spelled as above, and it means a cylindrical knitted hat, often with a tassel on the top. In some other places it is spelled “toque” and refers to a chef’s hat. I have no idea how that is pronounced.
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Mirabile Dictu! – (Latin for “we might as well dance!”)
An 83 year old reflects on life:
* I’m reading more and dusting less. I’m sitting in the yard and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I’m spending more time with my family and friends and less time working. Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experiences to savor, not to endure. I’m trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.
* I’m not “saving” anything. We use our good china and crystal for every special event such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, or the first Amaryllis blossom.
* I wear my good blazer to the market. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $49.49 for one tiny bag of groceries.
* I’m not saving my good perfume for special parties, but wearing it for clerks in the hardware store and tellers at the bank.
* “Someday” and “one of these days” are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it’s worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now.
I’m not sure what others would’ve done had they known they wouldn’t be here for the tomorrow that we all take for granted. I think they would have called family members and a few close friends. They might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles.
I like to think they would have gone out for a Chinese dinner or for whatever their favorite food is. It’s those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew my hours were limited. Angry because I hadn’t written certain letters that I intended to write “one of these days.” Angry and sorry that I didn’t tell my husband and parents often enough how much I truly love them. I’m trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives.
And every morning when I open my eyes, I tell myself that it is special. Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift from God.
I don’t believe in miracles. I rely on them. Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.
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Bottom of the Barrel – This from Evelyn McLachlan.
An elderly woman in her nineties had a visitor from her church come to see her at the nursing home. “How are you?” the visitor asked. “Oh,” said the elderly woman, “I’m just worried sick!” “You look like you’re in good health. They take good care of you here, don’t they?” “Oh, yes, they take good care of me here.” “Do you have any pain?” the visitor asked. “No, I can’t say I do,” the elderly woman replied. “Then what has you worried sick?” the visitor asked. The elderly woman leaned in and explained, “All of my closest friends have already died and gone to heaven. I’m sure they are all wondering where I went!”
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Scripture Story as Reader’s Theatre – Isaiah 52:7-10 and Luke 2:1-21
Reader 1: Do you watch sports on TV?
Reader 2: Yeah. Sometimes. I watch football. And baseball. And golf. That’s quite a bit.
1: Have you noticed how tongue-tied the sports commentators get when they want to talk about a really great athlete. When they get through words like “wonderful, great, outstanding,” and a few others, they don’t have anything left. They start repeating themselves.
2: OK, but why are we talking about that? We’re here to read the scripture.
1: Because the writer of Isaiah doesn’t use any of those trite words. Why don’t you read it, and you’ll see what I mean.
2: OK. The reading is from the 52nd chapter of Isaiah.
SLIGHT PAUSE
2: How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of the messenger who announces peace, who brings good news, who announces salvation, who says to Zion, "Your God reigns." Listen! Your sentinels lift up their voices, together they sing for joy; for in plain sight they see the return of the Lord to Zion. Break forth together into singing, you ruins of Jerusalem; for the Lord has comforted the people, and has redeemed Jerusalem. The Lord has bared a holy arm before the eyes of all the nations; and all the ends of the earth shall see the salvation of our God.
SLIGHT PAUSE
1: You see what I mean? You could condense that whole passage into one word, like “Yippee!” or “Wow!” or whatever word you might use.
2: Was Isaiah predicting the coming of Jesus?
1: No. He was a prophet, and prophets were not about predicting the future. Prophets looked around and helped people see God’s hand in what was happening around them. And when the people of the early church read that passage of Isaiah, they felt it perfectly described what had happened in the coming of Jesus.
2: We have a Christmas passage to read, don’t we.
1: We sure do. For many of us, it is an old, old story which we know by heart. So let’s listen to it, and just let it soak into our hearts.
2: Here is a reading from the second chapter of Luke’s gospel.
SLIGHT PAUSE
1: In those days a decree went out from Emperor Augustus that all the world should be registered. This was the first registration and was taken while Quirinius was governor of Syria. All went to their own towns to be registered.
2: Joseph also went from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to the city of David called Bethlehem, because he was descended from the house and family of David. He went to be registered with Mary, to whom he was engaged and who was expecting a child.
1: While they were there, the time came for her to deliver her child. And Mary gave birth to her firstborn son and wrapped him in bands of cloth, and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn.
2: In that region there were shepherds living in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. Then an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. And the angel spoke to them.
1: "Do not be afraid; for see–I am bringing you good news of great joy for all the people: to you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign for you: you will find a child wrapped in bands of cloth and lying in a manger."
2: And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God.
1: "Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace among those whom God favors!"
2:When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let us go now to Bethlehem and see this thing that has taken place, which the Lord has made known to us."
1: So they went with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the child lying in the manger.
2: When they saw this, they made known what had been told them about this child; and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds told them.
1: But Mary treasured all these words and pondered them in her heart.
2: The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, as it had been told them. After eight days had passed, it was time to circumcise the child; and he was called Jesus, the name given by the angel before he was conceived in the womb.
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Information and Stuff – (Read this section only if you want to know about subscribing, unsubscribing or quoting stuff from Rumors.) It would be nice if you could give Rumors a plug in your bulletin or newsletter. Please invite your friends (and even your enemies) to subscribe. There's no charge: RUMORS is free and it comes to your e-mail box every Sunday morning. Just send your friends the instructions to subscribe [below], and include an invitation to join the list ... perhaps something like this: “There’s a lively and fun newsletter called RUMORS which is available at no cost on the net. It’s for ‘Christians with a sense of humor’.” Please add the instructions to subscribe [below]. If you have a friend you think would enjoy Rumors, and you’d rather not give them the subscribing instructions below, send me an e-mail at ralphmilton at shaw.ca. (change the “at” to the “at” sign – you know the “a” with the circle around it. I’m trying to slow down the spammers.) Then give me the e-mail address of your friend. If you are using something from Rumors in your sermon, give credit only as appropriate, without stopping the sermon dead in its tracks. I am delighted when Rumors is useful in the life and work of the church. As long as it is within your congregation or parish, you don’t need permission. You are welcome to use the stuff in church bulletins or newsletters. Please say where it came from, and please invite people to subscribe to RUMORS. An appropriate credit line would be; “From Ralph Milton's RUMORS, a free Internet ‘e-zine’ for Christians with a sense of humor." ... and please be sure to include these instructions to subscribe to RUMORS: To Subscribe:* Send an e-mail to: rumors-subscribe@joinhands.com
* Don't put anything else in that e-mail
To Unsubscribe:
* Send an e-mail to: rumors-unsubscribe@joinhands.com
* Don’t put anything else in that e-mail* If you are changing e-mail addresses, and your old address will no longer be in service, you do not need to unsubscribe. The sending computer will try a few times, and then give up..~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Please Write – If you respond, react, think about, freak-out, or otherwise have things happen in your head as a result of reading the above, please send a note to: ralphmilton at shaw.ca.
Who knows, I might quote you in a future issue of RUMORS.All material is copyright © Ralph Milton.~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Ralph Milton’s E-zine for people of faith with a sense of humor
2009-12-13
December 13, 2009
TELLING THE OLD, OLD STORY
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Motto:
"A merry heart doeth good, like a medicine, but a broken spirit drieth the bones." (Proverbs 17:22 KJV)
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The Story – treasuring in your heart
Rumors – the lowest and least
Soft Edges – planting messiahs
Bloopers – the poverty secretary
We Get Letters – translating Canuck
Mirabile Dictu! – we might as well dance
Bottom of the Barrel – my friends will be wondering
Scripture Story as Reader’s Theatre – Isaiah 52:7-10 and Luke 2:1-21
Stuff – (read this only if you would like to subscribe, unsubscribe or are wondering about permissions. That sort of boring stuff.)
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Rib Tickler – Art Hebbeler of Laurel, Maryland sends this delightful story. Clergy should keep it handy for their prenuptial meetings.
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the priest with an unusual offer. “Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor, and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out.” He slipped the priest the cash and walked away. The wedding day arrived. When it came time for the groom’s vows, the priest looked the young man in the eye and said,” Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?” The groom gulped and looked around and then said in a tiny voice, “I do.” After the ceremony, the groom pulled the priest aside and hissed, “I thought we had a deal.” The priest slipped the $100 back into the man’s hand and whispered, “The bride’s father made me a much better offer.”
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Next Week’s Readings – These are the readings you may hear in church this coming Sunday, December 20th, if you are using the Revised Common Lectionary. It is the Fourth Sunday of Advent.
* Micah 5:2-5a
* Luke 1:46b-55 or Psalm 80:1-7
* Hebrews 10:5-10
* Luke 1:39-45, (46-55)
For the brave souls who decided to go with us in our little detour around the Revised Common lectionary, the readings we suggest for this Sunday are Isaiah 52:7-10 and Luke 2:8-21. However, we’re also suggesting that we do Luke 2:1-7 even though we read that last Sunday. So many of the folks will not have been in church the previous Sunday, and it makes the story more complete. For them it will be “the” Christmas service. So that’s what we’ve done in the Reader’s Theatre version below.
Note: There will be no special issue of Rumors for Christmas Day. My suggestion would be a simple service of carols and lessons.
Isaiah 52:7-10 and Luke 2:1-21
Ralph says:
It’s not often you can summarize a scripture passage in a single word, but for the Isaiah passage this week it’s easy. “Yippee!” Or “hoorah!” or whatever your favorite celebratory outburst may be. If words don’t come easily, a quick, lively dance will work. Let’s avoid the temptation of pick the passage apart and miss the celebration.
For the Luke passage, verse 19 gives us the appropriate response to the passage. “But Mary treasured all these words and pondered them in her heart.”
Notice that she pondered them in her heart. Not her head. And she treasured them. The way you would treasure a precious gift from someone you love.
Last Sunday Bev and I trotted off to Vernon to see a Christmas drama written by son-in-law Don, an amazingly talented and dedicated man. Jake and Zoë had minor parts to play, their father being careful not to make them the stars every time. But to Bev and me, yes of course, they were the stars.
The play was a variation on this story from Luke. This Sunday will see the children act out that ancient story in our own church. And as we delight in the children lisping their way through the drama, we will again “treasure” the story, and “ponder it in our hearts.”
Because the story isn’t really about something that happened 2,000 years ago. It’s about God, right now, breaking into our dull consciousness with a flash of beauty and power to which the only response is Isaiah’s response. In a word, “Yahoo!”
Jim says –
A woman in our congregation is putting together a multimedia presentation – art, dance, photography – to illustrate the re-telling of Luke’s nativity story. She challenged me to come up with a visual for the moment of Jesus’ birth.
I thought about that picture of a tiny hand reaching out of the womb during a Caesarian section and gripping the surgeon’s gloved finger.
I thought about pictures from NASA, taken by the Hubble telescope in space, showing galaxies bursting, supernova exploding, the curtains of the universe torn asunder...
Those images would fit with John’s gospel, which raises the birth of Christ from a human to a cosmic event.
But as I thought about it, I realized that perspective depends on hindsight. It’s only as we look back that we see Bethlehem’s cosmic implications. At the time, it was a mother’s scream of pain, a baby’s wail of distress at this new and unfamiliar environment. It was a single candle burning inside a darkened stable.
I remember going deep into a potash mine in Saskatchewan, once. A kilometre underground, our guide turned out all the lights. I have never felt such darkness. My eyes tried to get used to it, and couldn’t.
Then the guide flicked a cigarette lighter. And that tiny flame was enough to illuminate the entire underground cavern. We breathed a sigh of relief. We could see again.
I think that’s my image to accompany the birth of the Messiah. To quote John’s gospel again, “the light shines in the darkness...” And we can see...
The Magnificat – paraphrased by Jim Taylor
My body grows round with wonder;
my soul swells with thanksgiving.
For God has been so good to me;
God did not say, "She's just a girl."
Once I was a slip of a girl,
but now I am woman,
one who can bring forth new life.
In all generations, I am blessed.
How could anyone miss it--
this new life in me is divine.
It is holy.
God grants new life to all who have not lost a child's wonder;
they will be born again, and again, and again.
God watches over them;
God's fierce love fills predators with sudden fear.
The miracle of birth levels our human differences:
tough men become tenderly gentle,
learned professors blurt out baby talk,
even politicians fall silent in awe.
But the small and helpless are wrapped warmly in soft blankets;
they are held lovingly in caring arms;
they drink their fill with eyes closed.
The rich, for all their wealth and status, can go suck lemons.
That is how God deals with all of God's faithful people,
all who do not put their faith in themselves.
So God has always done,
so God will always do,
from Sarah's miracle, to mine.
From: Everyday Psalms
Wood Lake Publications.
For details, go to www.woodlakebooks.com
To help the adults understand the gospel reading, I would use “Jesus is Born” from the “Lectionary Story Bible, Year C, page 31. I would read it to the children, of course, and I would never tell the adults it was as much for their benefit as for the kids.
There are children’s stories for every Sunday in the Revised Common Lectionary, in “The Lectionary Story Bible,” by yours truly. The marvellous illustrations are by Margaret Kyle. There’s at least one story for each Sunday, usually two, and occasionally three. Click the main Wood Lake Publications website at www.woodlakebooks.com, or click on the following address which takes you directly to the “Lectionary Story Bible.”
http://tinyurl.com/2lonod
Or, if you live in Canada or the US, simply pick up the phone and dial 1 800 663 2775.
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Rumors – There have been some interesting and impassioned e-mails concerning the story in Rumors a couple of weeks ago about the birth of the Messiah. In my story, I had Mary being raped by a Roman soldier. Some found that idea offensive. Most found it somewhat liberating.
Stories should never be explained, but this time I will break my own rule.
One of the patterns you can find in the Hebrew scriptures is of God constantly reaching down to find the lowest and the least to carry forward the continuing revelation.
Abraham and Sarah – from a tiny, wandering bunch of desert dwellers. Joseph, the youngest son despised by his brothers. Moses, a murderer on the run. David, the youngest son of the smallest tribe.
For the supreme revelation, God reached down to the lowest of the low. Women, especially unmarried women, had little social value except as child-bearers. But to go even lower than that – a woman raped by a hated Roman would hardly be worthy of stoning to death.
I’m certainly not the first writer who’s put that into the story. I did it to underline in big bold letters the idea of God reaching way, way, way down to find the lowest of the low to be the bearer of the supreme gift. And to underline this, the baby is born in the stink and smell of a cow barn.
Some letter writers felt this tarnishes the image of Mary. And they were right. Unfortunately, we’ve developed an image of Mary from Christmas cards and crèches and even the children’s Christmas pageant we see each year. We see Mary with a beautiful blue dress and pure, white shawl singing “Away in a Manger” to a cuddly, clean baby in a bed of immaculate straw.
A friend once told me she refused to sing “O Little Town of Bethlehem” because the second verse has the words, “How silently, how silently, the wondrous gift is given.” “No,” said my friend. “Mary was about 16 years old. There was no anesthetic. Not even another woman to help. Jesus was born in screaming, bloody pain.”
I grew up in a farming community. The folks around us were good farmers, but there wasn’t a stable like the ones in the cards and crèches in any of the barns. And I once visited a stable in a cave near Beirut. My guide, a professor of New Testament, told me, “This is what that stable probably looked like and smelled like.”
It smelled of rotting manure and urine. There were rats and cockroaches scurrying around. The animals were thin and mangy.
We keep trying to avoid the message in this story. God reaches down. To the bottom. To the very bottom to find the bearer of the Good News.
And then, as if to underline it all, the story tells us it was the shepherds who were the first to be told and the first to come and visit.
Shepherds? Yes, people from the bottom of the social ladder. I wonder if Matthew added the Three Kings story because he was just like us – he couldn’t handle what Luke was telling us. When God reaches down to the bottom of the barrel, it is to the bottom. The very bottom. The fingernail-scratching bottom.
We don’t like that story, so we keep trying to clean it up. But that’s the story Luke tells us, whether we like it or not.
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Soft Edges – by Jim Taylor
Planting Messiahs
The first deep frost of the winter hit us this week. The ground is hard, the lawn crunchy.
And yet – as theme speaker Darryl Auten pointed out at last fall’s Banff Men’s Conference – this is the time when nature plants the seeds that will be next year’s blooms.
We humans save our seeds for planting in the spring. We wait until the danger of frost damage has passed, until the warmth of the sun begins to penetrate deep into the soil, before we trust our precious seeds to the ground. Traditionally, we didn’t plant until the Victoria Day holiday in May; as the climate warms, we’re more likely to plant in April.
But nature plants its seeds in the fall and nurtures them through the winter.
By November, our sunflowers have shed all their seeds. Some have simply fallen to the ground. Others have passed through the digestive tracts of birds and squirrels. Either way, those seeds will lie there, dormant, deep frozen, trampled on, until they germinate in spring.
Dozens of sunflowers will come up next year. But how many thousands of seeds did nature scatter to achieve that goal?
One of Jesus’ parables describes a farmer sowing seeds. He scattered seed on rocks, among thorns, on a pathway... Only a small portion fell on good ground and returned a crop.
By any conventional standards, that farmer would be a failure.
But it’s a perfect reflection of the way God – embodied in nature – scatters seeds. Wildly. Extravagantly. Profligately.
In nature, it seems to me, God never plants just one seed and expects it to mature. Millions of sperm race to reach an egg – granted, usually a single egg, but not the only egg that ovary will ever release. Millions of salmon eggs fertilize a stream. Millions of maple keys litter the streets.
God never gambles everything on one throw of the dice.
Except, it would seem, at Christmas.
Traditional teachings insist that God gambled everything on a single baby. God invested everything into one helpless infant, born to homeless parents, in an oppressed nation, at a time when that child had barely a 50 per cent chance of surviving its first five years, let alone becoming an adult.
It seems uncharacteristic of the ways God usually operates.
Don’t get me wrong – I do believe that the baby born in Bethlehem, who later became Jesus of Nazareth, is our ultimate revelation of God.
But I wonder, sometimes, if the apparent contradiction of method is ours, not God’s.
Maybe we assume that because we who call ourselves Christians profess only one Messiah, God must have made only one try at creating that Messiah.
Maybe God planted millions of potential Messiahs. Maybe every child has the potential to be a Messiah – leading by example, showing by her/his life what God is like and what God expects of us.
And one of those seeds took root in the right soil, and grew tall and strong and straight, and became the tree we still look up to.
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Bloopers, Boggles, Typos and Stuff – Vince Gilbert of Welwyn Garden City, UK, was typing the minutes of a meeting, when he realized he referred to the “District Property Secretary” as the “District Poverty Secretary”.
Says Vince, “Perhaps the function of Property is to distract us from our Poverty?
From the file:
* Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep.
* Diana and David request your presents at their wedding.
* Hymn of Response: Crown Him With Many Cows.
If you’ve spotted any good bloopers in your church bulletin or newsletter, or anywhere else for that matter, please send them to me. ralphmilton at shaw.ca (change the “at to the symbol and remove the spaces.)
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Wish I’d Said That! –Peace is not something you wish for. It’s something you make, something you do, something you are. Something you give away.
Robert Fulghum via Velia Watts
Suffering and joy teach us, if we allow them, how to make the leap of empathy, which transports us into the soul and heart of another person. In those transparent moments we know other people's joys and sorrows, and we care about their concerns as if they were our own:
Fritz Williams via Jim Taylor
Never invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear. It annoys them very much. G. K. Chesterton via Don Sandin
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We Get Letters – Evelyn McLachlan is concerned that some non-Canadians might not understand my Canuck dialect in the last issue. A note from Jim Arnold in North Missouri confirms that.
OK. Translation.
When the Canadian mint began producing one-dollar coins, they had pictures of loons (water fowl) on them. So quite naturally, we began calling them “loonies.” (It had nothing to do with the term “loony” as in being disconnected from reality.) Then, when the two dollar coin came along, it was, by logical extension, a “townie.” Or should that be spelled “twonie?” “Toonie?”
Jim also wanted to know what a “tuque” was. First of all, it is pronounced “took” which rhymes with – well, what in the world does it rhyme with? Maybe “kook” as in someone who is a few cards short of a deck.
In Canada, it’s spelled as above, and it means a cylindrical knitted hat, often with a tassel on the top. In some other places it is spelled “toque” and refers to a chef’s hat. I have no idea how that is pronounced.
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Mirabile Dictu! – (Latin for “we might as well dance!”)
An 83 year old reflects on life:
* I’m reading more and dusting less. I’m sitting in the yard and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I’m spending more time with my family and friends and less time working. Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experiences to savor, not to endure. I’m trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.
* I’m not “saving” anything. We use our good china and crystal for every special event such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, or the first Amaryllis blossom.
* I wear my good blazer to the market. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $49.49 for one tiny bag of groceries.
* I’m not saving my good perfume for special parties, but wearing it for clerks in the hardware store and tellers at the bank.
* “Someday” and “one of these days” are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it’s worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now.
I’m not sure what others would’ve done had they known they wouldn’t be here for the tomorrow that we all take for granted. I think they would have called family members and a few close friends. They might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles.
I like to think they would have gone out for a Chinese dinner or for whatever their favorite food is. It’s those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew my hours were limited. Angry because I hadn’t written certain letters that I intended to write “one of these days.” Angry and sorry that I didn’t tell my husband and parents often enough how much I truly love them. I’m trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives.
And every morning when I open my eyes, I tell myself that it is special. Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift from God.
I don’t believe in miracles. I rely on them. Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.
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Bottom of the Barrel – This from Evelyn McLachlan.
An elderly woman in her nineties had a visitor from her church come to see her at the nursing home. “How are you?” the visitor asked. “Oh,” said the elderly woman, “I’m just worried sick!” “You look like you’re in good health. They take good care of you here, don’t they?” “Oh, yes, they take good care of me here.” “Do you have any pain?” the visitor asked. “No, I can’t say I do,” the elderly woman replied. “Then what has you worried sick?” the visitor asked. The elderly woman leaned in and explained, “All of my closest friends have already died and gone to heaven. I’m sure they are all wondering where I went!”
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Scripture Story as Reader’s Theatre – Isaiah 52:7-10 and Luke 2:1-21
Reader 1: Do you watch sports on TV?
Reader 2: Yeah. Sometimes. I watch football. And baseball. And golf. That’s quite a bit.
1: Have you noticed how tongue-tied the sports commentators get when they want to talk about a really great athlete. When they get through words like “wonderful, great, outstanding,” and a few others, they don’t have anything left. They start repeating themselves.
2: OK, but why are we talking about that? We’re here to read the scripture.
1: Because the writer of Isaiah doesn’t use any of those trite words. Why don’t you read it, and you’ll see what I mean.
2: OK. The reading is from the 52nd chapter of Isaiah.
SLIGHT PAUSE
2: How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of the messenger who announces peace, who brings good news, who announces salvation, who says to Zion, "Your God reigns." Listen! Your sentinels lift up their voices, together they sing for joy; for in plain sight they see the return of the Lord to Zion. Break forth together into singing, you ruins of Jerusalem; for the Lord has comforted the people, and has redeemed Jerusalem. The Lord has bared a holy arm before the eyes of all the nations; and all the ends of the earth shall see the salvation of our God.
SLIGHT PAUSE
1: You see what I mean? You could condense that whole passage into one word, like “Yippee!” or “Wow!” or whatever word you might use.
2: Was Isaiah predicting the coming of Jesus?
1: No. He was a prophet, and prophets were not about predicting the future. Prophets looked around and helped people see God’s hand in what was happening around them. And when the people of the early church read that passage of Isaiah, they felt it perfectly described what had happened in the coming of Jesus.
2: We have a Christmas passage to read, don’t we.
1: We sure do. For many of us, it is an old, old story which we know by heart. So let’s listen to it, and just let it soak into our hearts.
2: Here is a reading from the second chapter of Luke’s gospel.
SLIGHT PAUSE
1: In those days a decree went out from Emperor Augustus that all the world should be registered. This was the first registration and was taken while Quirinius was governor of Syria. All went to their own towns to be registered.
2: Joseph also went from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to the city of David called Bethlehem, because he was descended from the house and family of David. He went to be registered with Mary, to whom he was engaged and who was expecting a child.
1: While they were there, the time came for her to deliver her child. And Mary gave birth to her firstborn son and wrapped him in bands of cloth, and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn.
2: In that region there were shepherds living in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. Then an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. And the angel spoke to them.
1: "Do not be afraid; for see–I am bringing you good news of great joy for all the people: to you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign for you: you will find a child wrapped in bands of cloth and lying in a manger."
2: And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God.
1: "Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace among those whom God favors!"
2:When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let us go now to Bethlehem and see this thing that has taken place, which the Lord has made known to us."
1: So they went with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the child lying in the manger.
2: When they saw this, they made known what had been told them about this child; and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds told them.
1: But Mary treasured all these words and pondered them in her heart.
2: The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, as it had been told them. After eight days had passed, it was time to circumcise the child; and he was called Jesus, the name given by the angel before he was conceived in the womb.
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