R U M O R S #595
Ralph Milton’s E-zine for people of faith with a sense of humor
2010-03-28
March 28, 2010
THE PENULITMATE EDITION
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Motto:
"A merry heart doeth good, like a medicine, but a broken spirit drieth the bones." (Proverbs 17:22 KJV)
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Just in case you missed the announcement, this is the second-to-last issue of Rumors. It’s the last issue with lectionary commentary. On Easter Sunday morning, I’ll try to gather up some of the thoughts and feelings that are floating through my consciousness.
Two questions have come up in your many wonderful letters.
Firstly:
Yes, you can still receive Jim Taylor’s “Soft Edges.” He writes that column for a wider group than Rumors, and would be happy to put you on the list to receive it each Wednesday.
There are two columns. Both are based on, but not identical to, columns that Jim writes for a couple of local newspapers.
Soft Edges deals fairly gently with issues of life and faith. Sharp Edges, which goes out on Sundays, is more likely to focus on current social and justice issues. As its name implies, it's a little more cutting,
Both columns are free. To subscribe to them, send a note to jimt@quixotic.ca. To unsubscribe, follow the same procedure – send a note to jimt@quixotic.ca. If you wish, you can do it yourself by sending a blank e-mail (no subject, no message) to softedges-subscribe@quixotic.ca or softedges-unsubscribe@quixotic.ca.
(For Sharp Edges, substitute "sharpedges" for "softedges".)
Secondly:
Many of you have asked about back issues of Rumors. Not all of them, but about 3½ years worth, are available on the Wood Lake Publications website. Go there and click on “Newsletters.”
Or copy this address into your browser and it’ll take you there directly.
http://www.woodlakebooks.com/hallway.taf?site_uid1=17864&hallway_uid1=17864
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The Story – through our tears
Rumors – Mary’s story
Soft Edges – Lent, the season for apologies
Bloopers – your presents
We Get Letters – what can I say besides thanks
Mirabile Dictu! – the king lives
Bottom of the Barrel – just one good deed
Anyone living on Maui??? – a quest for information
Scripture Story as Reader’s Theatre – John 20:1-18
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Rib Tickler – Note: This limerick is about the wild inconsistencies of English spelling, so needs to be written out, not read out loud.
There was a young girl in the choir
Whose voice rose hoir and hoir.
Till it reached such a height
It was clear out of seight,
And they found it next day in the spoir.
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Next Week’s Readings – These are the readings you may hear in church this coming Sunday, April 4th, which is Easter Sunday, the most important day on the Christian calendar.
* Acts 10:34-43 (or Isaiah 65:17-25)
* Psalm 118:1-2, 14-24
* 1 Corinthians 15:19-26 (or Acts 10:34-43)
* John 20:1-18 (or Luke 24:1-12)
The Story (from the Revised Common Lectionary) – John 20:1-18
Ralph says –
This reading from John’s gospel is for me, the most powerful story in the Bible. And I am so glad it is the last story I’ll be commenting on for Rumors, because it encapsulates so much of what I believe – it tells the story of my faith. It’s the Easter reading for all three years in the lectionary cycle, for which I give the lectionary builders full marks.
We don’t know a lot about Mary of Magdala except that she was something of an unusual person – perhaps with a somewhat checkered background. The alternate Luke reading tells us of the dry-eyed men who refused to believe what the women told them – obviously women’s over-active imagination.
But in John’s account, Peter and the mysterious “disciple whom Jesus loved” went to the grave, and saw the empty tomb and “believed,” (whatever that may mean). But Mary stays behind. She has grieving to do, and she knows it. She has tears to shed, and she knows it.
And it is through those tears that she sees the risen Jesus. That is what moves me so deeply and touches my own experience. So often it is through our tears that we experience the risen Christ.
Frederick Buechner says somewhere, “It is not the absence of Jesus from the empty tomb that moves us. It is his presence in our empty hearts.”
Jim says –
In a recent Bible study session, we looked at 1 Corinthians 3:3-9, where Paul instructs the Greek church about Christ’s appearances. First, Paul says, Christ appeared to Peter, then to the twelve, then to 500 brothers, then to James, then to all the apostles, and finally to Paul himself.
And yet all four gospels agree that Christ appeared first to the women!
In Matthew, to Mary Magdalene and “the other Mary.” Mark names the “other” Mary as the mother of James, and adds Salome. Luke replaces Salome with Joanna. John writes specifically of Mary Magdalene, and more generically of “the women who had come with him from Galilee.” No matter – without exception, the women were the first witnesses to the risen Christ.
Of all these stories, John's story of Mary Magdalene’s encounter is by far the most moving.
But the women’s testimony seemed to the disciples like “idle talk” (Luke 24:11).
I find myself getting angry. I should be proclaiming the Resurrection which, with its antecedent the Crucifixion, is the foundational narrative of the Christian church. But I want to rail against the patriarchalism that has made that church a male bastion.
Jesus was male, yes. But he chose to make himself evident, after his death, first to the women. By what right do a bunch of faint-hearted men, cowering behind locked doors, override their Lord’s intentions and banish those women to what author Carol Schleuter called “the forgotten followers”?
It’s probably a good thing I’m not preaching on Easter Sunday.
Psalm 118:1-2, 14-24 – paraphrased by Jim Taylor
1 God, you give to life its goodness;
your love bursts the bounds of time.
2 You renew our confidence in you.
14 With you beside us, we can face anything.
15 We have no fears when you stand among us.
16 A whisper runs through the opponents' minds:
"God has chosen a cause; no one can conquer God."
17 But I am not obsessed with winning;
Winning or losing, living or dying,
I want to be with God;
I want to celebrate God's goodness to me.
18 God has tested me. God has put me through hell.
But God has never abandoned me.
19 Now I have the confidence to go anywhere, to try anything.
20 Whatever it takes, I know I'm worth it.
21 Once, I had no confidence in myself,
And I had no confidence in you, God.
I quivered with insecurities;
I was a raw wound, flinching from everything.
22 Now the ugly duckling has become the golden egg.
You hold me in your hands, and I shine.
23 Only you could do this.
24 A new day has dawned for me, a new life has begun.
Is it any wonder that I'm happy?
From: Everyday Psalms
Wood Lake Publications.
For details, go to www.woodlakebooks.com
Acts 10:34-43 – This account is really about Peter justifying the admission of Gentiles into the early community, but for our purposes here, it is a very succinct summary of the Christian story. Peter gives them this 20 second sound bite, and tells the folks that’s all they need to know.
Maybe so, but to me if feels like offering people a bouillon cube when they want a steak.
1 Corinthians 15:19-26 – This seems like an eschatological mine field to me. I have trouble with anyone, even Paul, predicting the future or telling us what God is going to do. So I think I’ll leave this one alone and, coward that I am, and tip-toe away hoping nobody will ask me any questions about it.
The story of Mary of Magdala and the risen Christ is the Easter Sunday choice for all three years, so you will find it in the Lectionary Story Bible, Year A, on page 98. You can find a story based on the Luke account in Year C, on page 112 and it is called, “Jesus is Alive.”
There are children’s stories for every Sunday in the Revised Common Lectionary, in “The Lectionary Story Bible,” by yours truly. The marvellous illustrations are by Margaret Kyle. There’s at least one story for each Sunday, usually two, and occasionally three. Click the main Wood Lake Publications website at www.woodlakebooks.com, or click on the following address which takes you directly to the “Lectionary Story Bible.”
http://tinyurl.com/2lonod
Or, if you live in Canada or the US, simply pick up the phone and dial 1 800 663 2775.
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Rumors – I have shared this story before on Rumors, but it seems right, in this pen-ultimate issue, to share it again. Of the many biblical stories I have written, this one is among those that are closest to my heart.
Mary stumbled and fell in the dark. Her hand and elbow scraped against the ugly rocks and though she couldn't see it, she knew she was bleeding. No matter. She had bled before.
On she stumbled through the clutching darkness, along a half remembered path. She felt her way up to the garden tomb. Gradually, the cold gray light of early dawn outlined the naked rock that should have sealed the tomb, the place where they had buried her best friend.
The reality, the horror hit her instantly. Even in his death they could not give him peace. This kind and gentle friend had died the cruel death of criminals, and now to add to all the insult, someone had stolen Jesus' body.
Screaming, she crashed back down the path back to the house where she’d been mourning Jesus death since that horror filled Friday. Screaming, she yelled for Peter. For the others. "They've taken him away. Damn them anyway. They couldn't let him rest. Peter, come, they've stolen Jesus' body. Oh my God! How can people be so brutal?"
Now again, with Peter, she scrabbled up the path toward the tomb. Her rage carried her now. Her unfocused anger at this outrage carried her through the bitter morning darkness up the broken path, rocks and bushes scratched and tore her skin until she stood, chest heaving, beside Peter at the open tomb. Then she and Peter forced themselves to believe the unbelievable.
"He's gone, Mary." There was stunned, deadness in his voice. "All they left us was a corpse. Now they've got that too." And Peter stumbled off, going nowhere but away from this revolting desecration.
Mary stayed. She had nowhere to go. She had nothing left. The power of her rage was spent. She was exhausted. She slumped her deadened body on a rock.
Head in hands she sat. Her mind shut down. She felt nothing. Not even the will to die.
Then memories. Memories of terror. Memories of despair. The pain of life in home-town Magdala came back – back in all its horrors. The darkness of that other life in that small town where she was beaten, starved and raped. Where people called her "slut" and "whore" though she was neither. Where she was called "possessed of seven demons." It wasn't till she remembered overhearing rumors of a healer, just down the lakeside at Capernaum, that a sense of feeling returned, and with the feeling, tears – tears that slowly washed her dry, red, angry eyes, tears that moved to moans, then into body heaving sobs – great gasping, screaming cries that found their way from the bottom of her wounded soul.
Through the prism of tears she saw the light of dawn slanting through the rocks into the garden. And there, in that golden light, a figure, a man, it could be any man, it must be the gardener, who else would it be here in this place so early. "Look, if you took his body, tell me where, please, just tell me where, so I can go and get him and give him a decent, human burial. Tell me, for God sake tell me."
"Mary." The voice was gentle. It seemed to come from another world. It took some moments to move its way through her sobs and into her consciousness. She heard it a second time. "Mary."
Through her tears – through her salted tears of pain and anger and rejection, Mary saw him. "Rabbi," she whispered, and then shouted, "Rabbi!" Springing to her feet to embrace him, the light of morning sparkling through her tears, Mary rushed toward her Jesus.
"Please don't touch me, Mary," he said. "There are reasons. Don’t be afraid, Mary. But go and tell our friends that death has been transformed to life and that despair has turned to hope."
This time the path unrolled beneath her dancing feet. This time the amber rocks and greening bushes sparkled in the morning light. This time she shouted hope to all her friends.
"I have seen him. He's alive. It's true. All that he said is true. God loves us. All of us. And death and pain are not the end of life."
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Soft Edges – by Jim Taylor
Lent – The Season for Apologies
Maybe it’s just the season of Lent, the period before Easter traditionally dedicated to repentance and preparation for renewal. Whatever the reason, it seems, suddenly everyone’s apologizing for something.
Golf great Tiger Woods went on television to apologize for letting his fans and his family down by a series of extra-marital affairs.
British Prime Minister Gordon Brown apologized for the Child Migrant program that shipped children from London slums to the colonies – theoretically for a better life under adoption, but more often as something close to slave labour.
Halifax Mayor Peter Kelly apologized for the prejudice that banished black people to impoverished communities outside the city limits – like Africville – and then, when the land suddenly became valuable, forcibly evicted them.
Warren Chant, CEO of Hotel-Dieu Grace Hospital in Windsor, Ont., apologized – twice – for surgery by Dr. Barbara Heartwell that mistakenly removed women’s breasts that did not have malignant cancer after all.
Toyota president Akio Toyoda repeatedly apologized to the U.S. Congress and millions of worried car-owners for defects in cars produced by his company, which once enjoyed an unrivalled reputation for quality.
BC Liberal MLA Jane Thornthwaite apologized for impaired driving: "My actions were inexcusable. Drinking and driving is dangerous and completely unacceptable; I know that and make no excuses for what I did," Thornthwaite told the media.
And not one but two federal cabinet ministers had to apologize for temper tantrums in airports. Helena Guergis apparently threw shoes, yelled at Air Canada attendants, and called Prince Edward Island a “hell hole.” Four days later, Veteran’s Affairs Minister Jean-Pierre Blackburn quarrelled publicly with security guards at the Ottawa airport over a bottle of tequila.
And finally, the Pope himself, Benedict XVI, apologized to the victims of childhood abuse by Irish Roman Catholic priests and leaders.
I’d like to think that my church, the United Church of Canada, might have helped to kick-start this process back in 1986 when it offered a formal apology to Canada’s native peoples for misunderstanding and mistreating them.
Its example has since been followed by the Anglican, Presbyterian, and Roman Catholic churches of Canada. And eventually, by Prime Minister Stephen Harper, on behalf of the government of Canada, in June 2008.
But what does an apology mean?
The native people gathered for the United Church apology, in 1986, said, in effect, “Let’s wait and see.”
Because an apology does not automatically generate forgiveness. An apology expresses regret, but not necessarily repentance.
Compensation – for the Japanese deported from the Pacific coast or the First Nations children incarcerated in residential schools – is only a short-term solution. It hopes to buy off an injustice with a windfall handout. But it offers no assurance that the social mindset that caused the problem in the first place has learned anything from past experience, or is prepared to change in future.
Without change, an apology by itself is merely a confession, an acknowledgement of wrongdoing. Repentance calls for something more – a commitment NOT to do the same again.
That’s when we can be sure that the apologies were sincere.
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Bloopers, Boggles, Typos and Stuff – from the file
* Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding.
* Don’t let worry kill you. Let the church help.
* Doxology: “Praise God all preachers here below.”
* During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
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Wish I’d Said That! – There is no illness worse than desire; no foe fiercer than attachment; no fire so ravenous as anger; no ally so reliable as wisdom.
Sathya Sai baba via Don Sandin
A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
source unknown
A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.
source unknown
All decisions are made on insufficient evidence.
Rita Mae Brown
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We Get Letters – Oh yes, there have been letters. They keep tumbling in through my e-mail and I keep telling myself I should respond to each one individually, knowing full well that I can’t. And besides, what could I say, besides “Thanks!”
Leaving Rumors is hard to do. Harder than I expected. But it is right and necessary, and I do thank you all for your affirmation of my ministry.
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Mirabile Dictu! – (Latin for “The King Lives!”) Note: This delightful piece first appeared many years ago in the print version of Rumors. See footnote #1. I’ve been looking for an excuse to run it – but not finding any, I’m running it anyway because it’s my last chance.
By the way, Elvis was born in 1934 (the same year as I was born), which would have made him 75 or 76 years old at the time of this writing. If you spot him in the grocery check-out, he should have gray hair and a white beard.
DOES THE KING LIVE? (Headline Nat’l Enquirer)(1)
by Prof. Herman Newt(1)
It is worth drawing attention to the significance of recent “Elvis sightings” (die Elvischegeschten) and the source of its credo: “The King Lives.”(2)
At the outset, we must always critically distinguish between evidence of the historical Elvis event and those traditions which reflect the kerygmatic Presley. Hence, any serious scholar begins with the critical distinction between the original Elvischegescheten and the later Preslischereignis. Only later may we inquire about the proper relation between the Elvis of History and the Presley of Faith.
THE QUEST FOR THE HISTORICAL ELVIS
How are we to identify the authentic sayings of Elvis? The assured results of critical scholarship have shown the true Elvischesprecht is marked by the absence of grammar, i.e. “Ain’t Nothing but a Hound Dog” (missing subject), “Love me Tender, Love Me True” (missing adverbs), or “Lay offa Them Blue Suede Shoes” (missing intelligibility). Later works like “Will you Love Me Tonight?” and “In the Ghetto” lack this formal element and must be discarded by the serious scholar as the work of an emerging Preslischegemeinde.
Why have we so little early Elvis material? We know that the original Elvis sayings were written down on white spandex, a material notoriously difficult to preserve in the American Southeast. Other early materials were lost when devotees wept on them or had them bronzed.(3) Instead we must work with Elvis sayings as they were taken up by the community and shaped to speak to the needs of the growing Presley cultus.
The conviction that Elvis was alive and still speaking to them, shaped the original Elvis sayings into an authoritative word to the generations who had not seen Elvis for themselves. Already we can see that the “Elvis” must live on in the Presley of the Faithful Fan.
THE DEATH OF ELVIS
Attention must turn to the hermeneutical crisis of August 1977 when the Elvis of history could no longer support the Presley of Faith.(4) Now only the “death” of Elvis could assure “life” for the Presley. Some believe that his closest followers chose to fabricate an account of his “death” from an overdose.(5) The risk was great. His death might have undone the community but by now the kerygmatic Elvis lived in the millions of records and tacky posters cherished by his people.
Did the historical Elvis really die? We cannot know but, of course, it does not matter: “What had died in Nashville had risen in the proclamation of his fans.” It was the kerygmatic Presley of Faith, not the actual Elvis of History who evoked the acclamation found even in the earliest post-overdose traditions: “The King Lives.”
WHERE IS ELVIS TODAY?
It is not the number but the form of recent Elvischegesichten that interest critical scholarship. To be sure, the usual Elvisbericht falls into the form critical category of later community traditions: “Elvis Speaks to Me Ev’ry Nite” or “The King paid my Gas-Bill in Kalamazoo”; likewise the classic “Elvis is the Father of My Unborn Child” et al. But a few reports, judged by the criterion of dissimilarity may be taken as authentic.
These witnesses reflect a consistent and, what is most important, an unPresliche tradition: “Elvis is older now, balding with a gray beard. He’s still heavy set and walks with a cane.” Here is the historical Elvis, in his fifties, like us, among us, and probably teaching in one of our seminaries.
1. Translated by Michael Farris who got really tired of writing his dissertation on 19th century interpretation one Friday and watched Oprah Winfrey instead. In more responsible moments he is a Lecturer in Old Testament Studies at Knox College in Toronto.
2. The earliest discernible form of this confession is “Oh Elvis, Elvis, Baby, Baby.” Note poetic structure.
3. Cited in “Kitsch-kritik und der Geschichtliche Elvis” p.199
4. See the seminal “Der Elvis-scheinen oder der Elvis-schweinen?” In Teen Throb(15) 1976.
5. See the recent book by Jim Morison “Who Moved the ‘Stoned’?” Sadly Morison’s work loses credibility over his insistence that Jimi Hendrix and Mama Cass run a small accounting firm in Seattle, and that Karen Carpenter is Immelda Marcos.
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Bottom of the Barrel – A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates. “Have you ever done anything of particular merit?” St. Peter asked.
“Well, I can think of one thing,” the man offered. “Once, at a highway rest stop, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen.
“So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. ‘Now, back off!!’ I yelled ‘Or you’ll answer to me!’”
St. Peter was impressed: “When did this happen?”
“Just a couple of minutes ago.”
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A special request to anyone living on Maui in Hawai’i – We hope to spend January in Maui to get Bev the sunshine she so badly needs in winter. Is there a Rumors reader there who might help us with some church information? The tourist info says nothing at all about churches.
Please send me an e-mail. ralph milton at shaw.ca (please remove the spaces and change the word “at” to an @). Thank you!
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Scripture Story as Reader’s Theatre – John 20:1-18
Note: This reader’s Theatre needs three readers: The narrator, Mary and Jesus.
Narr: Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene came to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the tomb. So she ran and went to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one whom Jesus loved.
Mary: "They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we do not know where they have laid him."Narr: Then Peter and the other disciple set out and went toward the tomb. The two were running together, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first. He bent down to look in and saw the linen wrappings lying there, but he did not go in. Then Simon Peter came, following him, and went into the tomb. He saw the linen wrappings lying there, and the cloth that had been on Jesus' head, not lying with the linen wrappings but rolled up in a place by itself. Then the other disciple, who reached the tomb first, also went in, and he saw and believed; for as yet they did not understand the scripture, that he must rise from the dead. Then the disciples returned to their homes. But Mary stood weeping outside the tomb. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb; and she saw two angels in white, sitting where the body of Jesus had been lying, one at the head and the other at the feet. They asked her, "Woman, why are you weeping?"
Mary: "They have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid him."Narr: When she had said this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not know that it was Jesus.Jesus: "Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you looking for?"
Narr: Mary thought this must be the gardener.
Mary: "Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have laid him, and I will take him away."Jesus: "Mary!"
Mary: "Rabbouni!....my teacher!
Jesus: "Do not hold on to me, because I have not yet ascended to the Father. But go to my brothers and say to them, 'I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.'"Narr: Mary Magdalene went and called out to the disciples.
Mary: "I have seen the Lord!"
Narr: And Mary told them that Jesus had said these things to her.
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Saturday, March 27, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Preaching Materials for March 28th, 2010
R U M O R S # 594
Ralph Milton’s E-zine for people of faith with a sense of humor
2010-03-21
March 21st, 2010
NECESSARY PAIN
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Motto:
"A merry heart doeth good, like a medicine, but a broken spirit drieth the bones." (Proverbs 17:22 KJV)
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A DEEP THANKS – The notes and letters following my announcement last week that Rumors was ending, have been overwhelming. I started writing individual responses to them, but I had to give up. I ran out of time and emotional energy. There were just so many. And a simple acknowledgement wouldn’t do because so many of them were deeply moving.
I am grateful for all of them. I am also grateful that very few of you tried to talk me into changing my mind. Even with the depth of feeling expressed in some of them, I know the decision to stop now is the right one.
The end of Rumors does not mean the end of Jim Taylor’s “Soft Edges”. Jim will continue his wise and useful comments, and you can subscribe directly by sending him a note at:
jimt@quixotic.ca
While you’re at it, ask him to also subscribe you to “Sharp Edges,” which is much more topical and political.
When you receive these publications directly from him, you also receive a lively dialogue he caries on with various people who write to him in response to his columns.
The last issue of Rumors containing our comments on the biblical story will be next week, which will have the material for Easter Sunday. You will also receive an Easter Sunday edition, but it will not contain any commentary for the Sunday following Easter. It will mostly be a good-bye and thank-you edition.
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The Story – the passion narrative
Rumors – reliving the pain
Soft Edges – following in the footsteps of the saints
Bloopers – love hurting people
Mirabile Dictu! – reasons
Bottom of the Barrel – tortured logic
Scripture Story as Reader’s Theatre – Jim Taylor’s passion narrative
Stuff – (read this only if you would like to subscribe, unsubscribe or are wondering about permissions. That sort of boring stuff.)
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Rib Tickler – The preacher had a temperance sermon in full bore.
“It’s the taverns where all the money goes. Who drives the biggest, newest car in town? The tavern keeper! Whose wife wears the finest clothes in town? The tavern keeper! Who sits on his front porch eating chocolates and sipping fine wine? The tavern keeper! And who pays for all this? You do!”
As the congregation filed out of church, a young couple shook the pastor’s hand warmly. “Thank you so much, Reverend,” they said. “Your sermon helped us decide on our future.”
“Wonderful. You have chosen to give up strong drink!”
“Well, no,” said the couple. “We’re going into the tavern business.”
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Next Week’s Readings – These are the readings you may hear in church this coming Sunday, March 28th, which is traditionally called Palm Sunday. But more and more congregations are moving toward calling it “Passion Sunday” or the “Liturgy of the Passion.”
The readings for Palm Sunday are:
* Psalm 118:1-2, 19-29
* Luke 19:28-40.
The readings for Passion Sunday are:
* Isaiah 50:4-9a
* Psalm 31:9-16
* Philippians 2:5-11
* Luke 22:14-23:56 or Luke 23:1-49
The Story (from the Revised Common Lectionary) – * Luke 22:14-23:56 or Luke 23:1-49
Jim says –
The two Luke options are huge – 114 verses in one, 49 in the other. Neither reading will fit into the Sesame Street sound-bites we’re accustomed to.
I urge you to tell the whole story. This story doesn’t need embellishment or explanation – it just needs telling. (For the congregation I belong to, I broke it up so that it can be read by people playing roles. You can find this dramatization at below under “Reader’s Theatre.”
Although this is one of the most familiar stories in the Bible, I’m amazed how often church attenders have never heard the whole story, told in a single sequence. It’s always been broken up into smaller mouthfuls, sugar coated, easily digested without upset.
So tell the whole story. Don’t leave anything out. You might be surprised how intently your people will listen to it.
Ralph says –
It wasn’t until the 14th and 15th century that the resurrection of Jesus became the major focus of the Jesus story. Up until that time, it was the passion – the crucifixion – which was the focus. The resurrection story was there, of course, but it was something of a post script to the main event. The vision experienced by my friend Julian of Norwich (1341-141?) was of Christ on the Cross and some of her graphic descriptions would almost rival Mel Gibson’s.
The gospel writers didn’t fall into the trap of gratuitous gore. They told the story simply and well. And without this story, the Easter resurrection narrative loses its drama. Without this story, we may forget that the Christian journey involves pain, sacrifice, death.
There is a tendency in our churches to sanitize the gospels. We turn the Christmas story into a lovely legend of Mary and Joseph bringing Jesus into the world in a sweet-smelling, sanitary stable, without pain or danger. And many of our folks would like to skip right from the triumphal entry of Jesus into Jerusalem, to the resurrection. Skip over anything unpleasant.
So, as Jim says, let’s tell the whole story. Tell it simply. Tell it well.
Isaiah 50:4-9a – The writer of Isaiah, whether there was one, two or three of them, were poets. This passage is not a prediction of anything – it is a poem about the writer’s relationship with God and the community in which he lives.
There’s lots about this poem that we don’t understand, and that’s OK. Poems are like music – not meant to be understood but to be received into our consciousness.
Psalm 31:9-16 – paraphrased by Jim Taylor
Kids are cruel. Children who are unusually skinny or fat, who have poor hearing or thick glasses or speech impediments, often have to live with merciless teasing.
Perhaps you can still hear echoes of that treatment in your life.
9 I feel lousy, Lord.
My head aches, my heart aches, my whole body aches.
10 My life is a sea of suffering.
Night after night, I toss in torment;
I cannot sleep; I waste away with weariness.
11 I have become a laughing stock.
My enemies scorn me, my neighbors avoid me–
even people who pass me in the street turn away from me.
12 My mind has turned to jelly.
I might as well be dead; I'm a fraction of my former self.
13 I can hear them whispering about me.
They put their heads together;
Behind my back, they plot to make me look foolish.
14 But they won't grind me down, Lord, for I trust in you.
I know that you are my God.
15 Even when I can't help myself, you will guard me;
My survival is safe in your hands.
16 Don't turn away from me too–
If you love me, rescue me from my torment.
From: Everyday Psalms
Wood Lake Publications.
For details, go to www.woodlakebooks.com
Philippians 2:5-11 – This passage is almost certainly a hymn or a creed that was used in the early Christian Church. Paul quite often quotes from the liturgical heritage that was developing among those first Christians.
Like hymns and creeds generally, this passage condenses a whole life of Christian devotion into a few words. Which is fine as long as that life and that faith is shared by those reciting or singing this passage. The words become symbols of something larger and more powerful.
It’s a bit like the cross that hangs over the communion table in our church. That cross carries a whole world of meaning for those of us who worship there, but explaining it in a few words to a non-Christian would be at least futile and probably counter-productive.
There are four stories for children related to the Palm/Passion narrative in the Lectionary Story Bible, Year C. They could be used individually, or as a longer narrative with breaks for children’s restless bodies. They begin on page 105.
There are children’s stories for every Sunday in the Revised Common Lectionary, in “The Lectionary Story Bible,” by yours truly. The marvellous illustrations are by Margaret Kyle. There’s at least one story for each Sunday, usually two, and occasionally three. Click the main Wood Lake Publications website at www.woodlakebooks.com, or click on the following address which takes you directly to the “Lectionary Story Bible.”
http://tinyurl.com/2lonod
Or, if you live in Canada or the US, simply pick up the phone and dial 1 800 663 2775.
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Rumors – There’s a church in Jerusalem called St. Peter in Gallicantu. St. Peter at the Crowing of the Rooster.
There are a number of interesting things to see there – rock-cut structures, cellars, cisterns, stables, most of it dating to the Herodian period (37BCE - 70CE). From the balcony of the church you get a wonderful view of the City of David and the three valleys on which Jerusalem is built.
Tradition says this is where Peter went and “wept bitterly” (Matt. 26:75) when the crowing of the rooster reminded him of his betrayal. It is also, according to another tradition, the house of Caiaphas the high priest, where Jesus was taken following his arrest.
None of that has anything in the way of historical credibility, and that is not why our little group of scholars went there. We spent our time in one of those cellars, which had been used in the first century as a prison. For the convenience of tourists like me, new steps had been cut down into it, so we could walk down and up again easily. But the original entrance was simply a hole, about two feet across, up at the ceiling. Prisoners were lowered, or perhaps simply thrown, down into that prison. There are no windows. No opening, except for that one small hole in the ceiling about 20 feet up.
There is some graffiti on the wall. There are marks which may have been made by a prisoner keeping track of the days. On the wall are iron rings, to which prisoners would have been manacled.
It was a good place to read the story of the trial and crucifixion of Jesus. A prison is a good place to hear the passion narrative. I stood there against the white, sandstone wall, holding on to one of those iron rings, trying to imagine what that kind of suffering might be like.
I spent a lot of time with the medieval mystic, Julian of Norwich, when I was writing “Julian’s Cell” and translating her book called “Showings.” Julian prayed that she would experience the suffering of Christ on the cross – not as an observer at the foot of the cross but as one who could feel the tear of the nails and the agony of that barbaric death. As I read Julian’s words, I remembered standing in that old prison, struggling to imagine pain that I had never even come near. Beyond a few minor injuries and illnesses, I have never known pain. Or at least not physical pain.
The pain of a heart that feels as if it is breaking in two – that I have known. Certainly that kind of sorrow may have been the greater pain for Jesus to bear, but how can I know?
I don’t know. And Julian in the end, didn’t know either. To some degree she and I can imagine, but we can never know.
But we can listen to that ancient story of one who cared enough for truth and beauty and love to die for it. If we listen deeply – not just with our heads – but savor all the words and let them soak down deep into the tender places of our souls, then perhaps, just for a moment, we will sense the desperation that was Calvary.
When we have done that, we can walk toward that tomb, with tears still in our eyes and pray for Easter morning.
And it is through those tears, like Mary of Magdala, we may see the risen Christ.
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Soft Edges – by Jim Taylor
Following in the Footsteps of the Saints
St. Patrick is not the only Irish saint, although he is by far the best known. When Joan and I went on a “pilgrimage” through Ireland four years ago, we met St. Brendan.
Not in person, of course. According to legend, St. Brendan reached North America about 500 years before the Vikings. In 1978, author Tim Severin showed that Brendan’s voyage was possible by sailing a leather-clad boat, like the one Brendan would have used, across the Atlantic to Newfoundland.
For 15 centuries, pilgrims have come to the Dingle Peninsula, as far west as you can go in Ireland, to plod the pilgrims path from the sea to the top of Mount Brandon – the ancient Irish weren’t much concerned about consistency in spelling
Part of the walk was fairly easy, across a ridge, down the other side. Our group merely had to watch out for sheep droppings, slippery mud, and an incredibly prickly plant called gorse, furze, or whins.
The other part involved climbing Mount Brandon, which rises roughly 3100 feet straight up from sea level. That may not sound high, compared to the Rockies, for example. But when I hike in the Rockies, I typically start at about 6,000 feet, and seldom climb more than another 2,000 feet.
Six of our larger group climbed Mount Brandon. The historic trail zigzagged up the rugged slopes, marked by weathered white crosses – the traditional “Stations of the Cross.” But fog had rolled in from the sea. From each station, we could rarely see the next one ahead. We never did see the top, until we got there.
We just tramped on, following a route marked out by who knows how many millions of pious feet.
Later, after we rejoined the main pilgrimage group, we were asked to identify symbols that had made this part of our pilgrimage memorable.
My friend David Smith, now a retired minister living in the Fraser Valley, chose the fog as his symbol.
It was an eerie feeling, he explained, climbing into the fog. We could not see where we were going; we just had to carry on in faith that the next station, the next marker, would show up eventually. We had to trust the people who had gone before us, trust that they knew the way, even if we didn’t.
My symbol was the footprints on the trail. We all wore modern hiking boots, or some equivalent. But I kept feeling that underneath the marks of modern heels lay the footsteps of people wearing sandals, perhaps. Or crude leather moccasins. Even bare feet, toes gripping the slippery earth, the sharp gravel, the tufts of lush emerald grass...
For both of us, these images spoke not just of the day’s hike, but of life, of faith. We cannot always see ahead to our destination, nor how we will get there. We have to trust those who have gone before, as they trusted those who went before them.
Even if we travel our paths through life with the help of science and technology that was not available to our predecessors.
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Bloopers, Boggles, Typos and Stuff – from the file:
* Please welcome Pastor Don, a caring individual who loves hurting people.* Remember the youth department rummage sale for Summer Camp. We have a Gents bicycle, also two ladies for sale, in good running order.* The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment and gracious hostility.
* At Easter, the choir did the cantata “Olivet to Calvary.” It was noted in the local paper as “All of It to Calgary.”
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Wish I’d Said That! – For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof is possible.
- Stuart Chase
Truth forever on the scaffold, Wrong forever on the throne.
- James Russell Lowell
No one, who tries to pursue an ideal, is without enemies.
Author unknown
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Mirabile Dictu! – (Latin for “Reasons!”)
I made up my mind never to go to another football game. I’ve attended faithfully for many years, but now I’ve had it. Here are my reasons.
1) I was taken to too many games by my parents when I was small.
2) The games are always played when I want to do something else.
3) Every time I go to a game, somebody asks for money.
4) The other people who go to games hardly ever speak to me, and the coach can’t remember my name.
5) The seats are too hard. Besides, sometimes I have to sit down front at the 50 yard line.
6) There are hypocrites in the crowd. Some of them just come because they think it’s a good place to be seen. Others just want to see what people are wearing.
7) The referee says things I don’t agree with.
8) The band plays numbers I’ve never heard before.
9) Some games last too long and I get home too late.
10) I have a good book on football, so I’ll just stay home and read it.
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Bottom of the Barrel – Fire trucks have four wheels and eight firefighters, and four plus eight equals twelve. There are twelve inches in a foot. A foot is a ruler. Queen Elizabeth is a ruler. Queen Elizabeth is one of the largest ships on the seven seas. Seas have fish. Fish have fins. The Finns fought the Russians. The Russians are red. Fire trucks are always rushin’. Therefore, fire trucks are usually red.
If you think this is wild, you ought to hear some people trying to explain why they are not attending church on Sunday morning.
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Scripture Story as Reader’s Theatre – This Jim Taylor’s development of a Reader’s Theatre presentation of the Passion Sunday narrative. This is reader’s theatre, so it works best if you don’t have the actors trying to go through the actions. The drama is carried by their voices. I would have them standing behind music stands, with the narrator in the pulpit or lectern.
Because this is very long for a scripture reading, it might be good to have the congregation stand and sing a verse or two of a hymn between the various sections.
Luke 22:14-23:56 (The Message)
Scene 1: The Upper Room
Requires readers for
Narrator
Jesus
Peter
Other disciples (at least two)
Narrator: 14-16When it was time, Jesus sat down, all the apostles with him. He said,
Jesus: "You've no idea how much I have looked forward to eating this Passover meal with you before I enter my time of suffering. It's the last one I'll eat until we all eat it together in the kingdom of God."
Narrator: 17-18Taking the cup, he blessed it, then said,
Jesus: "Take this and pass it among you. As for me, I'll not drink wine again until the kingdom of God arrives."
Narrator: Taking bread, he blessed it, broke it, and gave it to them, saying,
Jesus: "This is my body, given for you. Eat it in my memory."
Narrator: 20He did the same with the cup after supper, saying,
Jesus: "This cup is the new covenant written in my blood, blood poured out for you. 21-22"Do you realize that the hand of the one who is betraying me is at this moment on this table? It's true that the Son of Man is going down a path already marked out—no surprises there. But for the one who turns him in, turns traitor to the Son of Man, this is doomsday."
Narrator: 23They immediately became suspicious of each other and began quizzing one another, wondering who might be about to do this. 24-26Within minutes they were bickering over who of them would end up the greatest. But Jesus intervened:
Jesus: "Kings like to throw their weight around and people in authority like to give themselves fancy titles. It's not going to be that way with you. Let the senior among you become like the junior; let the leader act the part of the servant. 27-30"Who would you rather be: the one who eats the dinner or the one who serves the dinner? You'd rather eat and be served, right? But I've taken my place among you as the one who serves. And you've stuck with me through thick and thin. Now I confer on you the responsibility that God conferred on me, so you can eat and drink at my table in my kingdom and be strengthened as you take up responsibilities among the congregations of God's people. 31-32"Simon, stay on your toes. Satan has tried his best to separate all of you from me, like chaff from wheat. Simon, I've prayed for you in particular that you not give in or give out. When you have come through the time of testing, turn to your companions and give them a fresh start."
Peter: 33"Master, I'm ready for anything with you. I'd go to jail for you. I'd die for you!"
Jesus: "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Peter, but before the rooster crows you will have three times denied that you know me."
Narrator: 35Then Jesus said,
Jesus: "When I sent you out and told you to travel light, to take only the bare necessities, did you get along all right?"
Disciples: "Certainly! We got along just fine."
Jesus: 36-37"This is different. Get ready for trouble. Look to what you'll need; there are difficult times ahead. Pawn your coat and get a sword. What was written in Scripture, 'He was lumped in with the criminals,' gets its final meaning in me. Everything written about me is now coming to a conclusion."
A disciple: 38"Look, Master, we have two swords!"
Jesus: "Enough of that; no more sword talk!"
Scene 2: Garden of Gethsemane
Requires readers for
Narrator
Jesus
Disciples (at least two)
Narrator: 39-40Leaving there, he went, as he so often did, to Mount Olives. The disciples followed him. When they arrived at the place, Jesus said,
Jesus: "Pray that you don't give in to temptation."
Narrator: 41-44He pulled away from them about a stone's throw, knelt down, and prayed,
Jesus: "Father, remove this cup from me. But please, not what I want. What do you want?"
Narrator: At once an angel from heaven was at his side, strengthening him. Jesus prayed on all the harder. Sweat, wrung from him like drops of blood, poured off his face.
45-46He got up from prayer, went back to the disciples and found them asleep, drugged by grief. He said,
Jesus: "What business do you have sleeping? Get up. Pray so you won't give in to temptation."
Narrator: 47-48No sooner were the words out of his mouth than a crowd showed up, Judas, the one from the Twelve, in the lead. He came right up to Jesus to kiss him. Jesus challenged him:
Jesus: "Judas, you would betray the Son of Man with a kiss?"
Narrator: 49-50When those with him realized what was happening, they asked,
Disciples: "Master, shall we fight?"
Narrator: One of them took a swing at the Chief Priest's servant and cut off his right ear.
51Jesus: "Let them be. Even in this."
Narrator: Then, touching the servant's ear, he healed him.
52-53Jesus spoke to those who had come as spectators—high priests, Temple police, religion leaders:
Jesus: "What is this, jumping me with swords and clubs as if I were a dangerous criminal? Day after day I've been with you in the Temple and you've not so much as lifted a hand against me. But do it your way—it's a dark night, a dark hour."
Narrator: 54-56Arresting Jesus, they marched him off and took him into the house of the Chief Priest.
Scene 3: At the Chief Priest’s House
Requires readers for
Narrator
Maid
Peter
Two men
Narrator: Peter followed, but at a safe distance. In the middle of the courtyard some people had started a fire and were sitting around it, trying to keep warm. One of the serving maids sitting at the fire noticed him, then took a second look and said,
Maid: "This man was with him!"
Narrator: Peter denied it,
Peter: "Woman, I don't even know him."
Narrator: 58A short time later, someone else noticed him.
Man 1: "You're one of them."
Peter: "Man, I am not."
Narrator: 59About an hour later, someone else spoke up, really adamant:
Man 2: "He's got to have been with him! He's got 'Galilean' written all over him."
Peter: "I don't know what you're talking about."
Narrator: At that very moment, the last word hardly off his lips, a rooster crowed. Just then, the Master turned and looked at Peter. Peter remembered what the Master had said to him:
Jesus: "Before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times."
Narrator: Peter went out and cried and cried and cried.
Scene 4: The trial of Jesus
Requires readers for
Narrator
Jesus
Soldier
Pilate
3 Priests (can also serve as Crowd)
Narrator: 63-65The men in charge of Jesus began poking fun at him, slapping him around. They put a blindfold on him and taunted,
Soldier: "Who hit you that time?"
Narrator: They were having a grand time with him. 66-67When it was morning, the religious leaders of the people and the high priests and scholars all got together and brought him before their High Council. They demanded,
Priest 1: "Are you the Messiah?"
Narrator: 67-69Jesus answered,
Jesus: "If I said yes, you wouldn't believe me. If I asked what you meant by your question, you wouldn't answer me. So here's what I have to say: From here on the Son of Man takes his place at God's right hand, the place of power."
70Priest 2: "So you admit your claim to be the Son of God?"
Jesus: "You're the ones who keep saying it."
Narrator: 71But they had made up their minds,
Priest 3: "Why do we need any more evidence? We've all heard him as good as say it himself."
Narrator: 1-2Then they all took Jesus to Pilate and began to bring up charges against him. They said,
Priest 1: "We found this man undermining our law and order, forbidding taxes to be paid to Caesar, setting himself up as Messiah-King."
Pilate: "Is this true that you're 'King of the Jews'?"
Jesus: "Those are your words, not mine."
Narrator: 4Pilate told the high priests and the accompanying crowd,
Pilate: "I find nothing wrong here. He seems harmless enough to me."
Narrator: 5But they were vehement.
Priest 1: "He's stirring up unrest among the people with his teaching.
Priest 2: He’s disturbing the peace everywhere, starting in Galilee and now all through Judea.
Priest 3: He's a dangerous man, endangering the peace."
Narrator: 6-7When Pilate heard that, he asked,
Pilate: "Oh. So he's a Galilean?"
Narrator: Realizing that Galileans came under Herod's jurisdiction, he passed the buck to Herod, who just happened to be in Jerusalem for a few days. 8-10Herod was delighted when Jesus showed up. He had wanted for a long time to see him, he'd heard so much about him. He hoped to see him do something spectacular. He peppered him with questions. Jesus didn't answer—not one word. But the high priests and religion scholars were right there, saying their piece, strident and shrill in their accusations. 11-12Mightily offended, Herod turned on Jesus. His soldiers joined in, taunting and jeering. Then they dressed him up in an elaborate king costume and sent him back to Pilate. That day Herod and Pilate became thick as thieves. Always before they had kept their distance. 13-16Then Pilate called in the high priests, rulers, and the others and said,
Pilate: "You brought this man to me as a disturber of the peace. I examined him in front of all of you and found there was nothing to your charge. And neither did Herod, for he has sent him back here with a clean bill of health. It's clear that he's done nothing wrong, let alone anything deserving death. I'm going to warn him to watch his step and let him go."
Narrator: 18-20At that, the crowd went wild:
Crowd: "Kill him! Give us Barabbas!"
Narrator: (Barabbas had been thrown in prison for starting a riot in the city and for murder.) Pilate still wanted to let Jesus go, and so spoke out again. 21But the crowd kept shouting back,
Crowd: "Crucify! Crucify him!"
Narrator: 22Pilate tried a third time.
Pilate: "But for what crime? I've found nothing in him deserving death. I'm going to warn him to watch his step and let him go."
Narrator: 23-25But they kept at it, a shouting mob, demanding that he be crucified. And finally they shouted him down. Pilate caved in and gave them what they wanted. He released the man thrown in prison for rioting and murder, and gave Jesus to the Temple authorities to do whatever they wanted.
Scene 5: The Cross
Requires readers for
Narrator
Jesus
Soldier
2 criminals
Crowd members
Narrator: 26-31As they led him off, they made Simon, a man from Cyrene who happened to be coming in from the countryside, carry the cross behind Jesus. A huge crowd of people followed, along with women weeping and carrying on. At one point Jesus turned to the women and said,
Jesus: "Daughters of Jerusalem, don't cry for me. Cry for yourselves and for your children. The time is coming when they'll say, 'Lucky the women who never conceived! Lucky the wombs that never gave birth! Lucky the breasts that never gave milk!' Then they'll start calling to the mountains, 'Fall down on us!' calling to the hills, 'Cover us up!' If people do these things to a live, green tree, can you imagine what they'll do with deadwood?"
Narrator: 32Two others, both criminals, were taken along with him for execution. 33When they got to the place called Skull Hill, they crucified him, along with the criminals, one on his right, the other on his left. 34-35And Jesus prayed,
Jesus: "Father, forgive them; they don't know what they're doing."
Narrator: Dividing up his clothes, they threw dice for them. The people stood there staring at Jesus, and the ringleaders made faces, taunting,
Crowd: "He saved others. Let's see him save himself! The Messiah of God—ha! The Chosen One—ha!"
Narrator: 36-37The soldiers also came up and poked fun at him, making a game of it. They toasted him with sour wine:
Soldier: "So you're King of the Jews! Save yourself!"
Narrator: 38Printed over him was a sign: “This is the King of the Jews.” 39One of the criminals hanging alongside cursed him:
Criminal 1: "Some Messiah you are! Save yourself! Save us!"
Narrator: 40-41But the other one made him shut up:
Criminal 2: "Have you no fear of God? You're getting the same as him. We deserve this, but not him—he did nothing to deserve this."
Narrator: 42Then the second criminal said,
Criminal 2: "Jesus, remember me when you enter your kingdom."
Jesus: "Don't worry, I will. Today you will join me in paradise."
Narrator: 44-46By now it was noon. The whole earth became dark, the darkness lasting three hours—a total blackout. The Temple curtain split right down the middle. Jesus called loudly,
Jesus: "Father, I place my life in your hands!"
Narrator: Then he breathed his last. 47When the captain there saw what happened, he honored God:
Soldier: "This man was innocent! A good man, and innocent!"
Narrator: 48-49All who had come around as spectators to watch the show, when they saw what actually happened, were overcome with grief and headed home. Those who knew Jesus well, along with the women who had followed him from Galilee, stood at a respectful distance and kept vigil. 50-54There was a man by the name of Joseph, a member of the Jewish High Council, a man of good heart and good character. He had not gone along with the plans and actions of the council. His hometown was the Jewish village of Arimathea. He lived in alert expectation of the kingdom of God. He went to Pilate and asked for the body of Jesus. Taking him down, he wrapped him in a linen shroud and placed him in a tomb chiseled into the rock, a tomb never yet used. It was the day before Sabbath, the Sabbath just about to begin. 55-56The women who had been companions of Jesus from Galilee followed along. They saw the tomb where Jesus' body was placed. Then they went back to prepare burial spices and perfumes. They rested quietly on the Sabbath, as commanded.
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Information and Stuff – (Read this section only if you want to know about subscribing, unsubscribing or quoting stuff from Rumors.) It would be nice if you could give Rumors a plug in your bulletin or newsletter. Please invite your friends (and even your enemies) to subscribe. There's no charge: RUMORS is free and it comes to your e-mail box every Sunday morning. Just send your friends the instructions to subscribe [below], and include an invitation to join the list ... perhaps something like this: “There’s a lively and fun newsletter called RUMORS which is available at no cost on the net. It’s for ‘Christians with a sense of humor’.” Please add the instructions to subscribe [below]. If you have a friend you think would enjoy Rumors, and you’d rather not give them the subscribing instructions below, send me an e-mail at ralphmilton at shaw.ca. (change the “at” to the “at” sign – you know the “a” with the circle around it. I’m trying to slow down the spammers.) Then give me the e-mail address of your friend. If you are using something from Rumors in your sermon, give credit only as appropriate, without stopping the sermon dead in its tracks. I am delighted when Rumors is useful in the life and work of the church. As long as it is within your congregation or parish, you don’t need permission. You are welcome to use the stuff in church bulletins or newsletters. Please say where it came from, and please invite people to subscribe to RUMORS. An appropriate credit line would be; “From Ralph Milton's RUMORS, a free Internet ‘e-zine’ for Christians with a sense of humor." ... and please be sure to include these instructions to subscribe to RUMORS: To Subscribe:* Send an e-mail to: rumors-subscribe@joinhands.com
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* Don’t put anything else in that e-mail* If you are changing e-mail addresses, and your old address will no longer be in service, you do not need to unsubscribe. The sending computer will try a few times, and then give up..~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Please Write – If you respond, react, think about, freak-out, or otherwise have things happen in your head as a result of reading the above, please send a note to: ralphmilton at shaw.ca.
Who knows, I might quote you in a future issue of RUMORS.All material is copyright © Ralph Milton.~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Ralph Milton’s E-zine for people of faith with a sense of humor
2010-03-21
March 21st, 2010
NECESSARY PAIN
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Motto:
"A merry heart doeth good, like a medicine, but a broken spirit drieth the bones." (Proverbs 17:22 KJV)
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A DEEP THANKS – The notes and letters following my announcement last week that Rumors was ending, have been overwhelming. I started writing individual responses to them, but I had to give up. I ran out of time and emotional energy. There were just so many. And a simple acknowledgement wouldn’t do because so many of them were deeply moving.
I am grateful for all of them. I am also grateful that very few of you tried to talk me into changing my mind. Even with the depth of feeling expressed in some of them, I know the decision to stop now is the right one.
The end of Rumors does not mean the end of Jim Taylor’s “Soft Edges”. Jim will continue his wise and useful comments, and you can subscribe directly by sending him a note at:
jimt@quixotic.ca
While you’re at it, ask him to also subscribe you to “Sharp Edges,” which is much more topical and political.
When you receive these publications directly from him, you also receive a lively dialogue he caries on with various people who write to him in response to his columns.
The last issue of Rumors containing our comments on the biblical story will be next week, which will have the material for Easter Sunday. You will also receive an Easter Sunday edition, but it will not contain any commentary for the Sunday following Easter. It will mostly be a good-bye and thank-you edition.
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The Story – the passion narrative
Rumors – reliving the pain
Soft Edges – following in the footsteps of the saints
Bloopers – love hurting people
Mirabile Dictu! – reasons
Bottom of the Barrel – tortured logic
Scripture Story as Reader’s Theatre – Jim Taylor’s passion narrative
Stuff – (read this only if you would like to subscribe, unsubscribe or are wondering about permissions. That sort of boring stuff.)
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Rib Tickler – The preacher had a temperance sermon in full bore.
“It’s the taverns where all the money goes. Who drives the biggest, newest car in town? The tavern keeper! Whose wife wears the finest clothes in town? The tavern keeper! Who sits on his front porch eating chocolates and sipping fine wine? The tavern keeper! And who pays for all this? You do!”
As the congregation filed out of church, a young couple shook the pastor’s hand warmly. “Thank you so much, Reverend,” they said. “Your sermon helped us decide on our future.”
“Wonderful. You have chosen to give up strong drink!”
“Well, no,” said the couple. “We’re going into the tavern business.”
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Next Week’s Readings – These are the readings you may hear in church this coming Sunday, March 28th, which is traditionally called Palm Sunday. But more and more congregations are moving toward calling it “Passion Sunday” or the “Liturgy of the Passion.”
The readings for Palm Sunday are:
* Psalm 118:1-2, 19-29
* Luke 19:28-40.
The readings for Passion Sunday are:
* Isaiah 50:4-9a
* Psalm 31:9-16
* Philippians 2:5-11
* Luke 22:14-23:56 or Luke 23:1-49
The Story (from the Revised Common Lectionary) – * Luke 22:14-23:56 or Luke 23:1-49
Jim says –
The two Luke options are huge – 114 verses in one, 49 in the other. Neither reading will fit into the Sesame Street sound-bites we’re accustomed to.
I urge you to tell the whole story. This story doesn’t need embellishment or explanation – it just needs telling. (For the congregation I belong to, I broke it up so that it can be read by people playing roles. You can find this dramatization at below under “Reader’s Theatre.”
Although this is one of the most familiar stories in the Bible, I’m amazed how often church attenders have never heard the whole story, told in a single sequence. It’s always been broken up into smaller mouthfuls, sugar coated, easily digested without upset.
So tell the whole story. Don’t leave anything out. You might be surprised how intently your people will listen to it.
Ralph says –
It wasn’t until the 14th and 15th century that the resurrection of Jesus became the major focus of the Jesus story. Up until that time, it was the passion – the crucifixion – which was the focus. The resurrection story was there, of course, but it was something of a post script to the main event. The vision experienced by my friend Julian of Norwich (1341-141?) was of Christ on the Cross and some of her graphic descriptions would almost rival Mel Gibson’s.
The gospel writers didn’t fall into the trap of gratuitous gore. They told the story simply and well. And without this story, the Easter resurrection narrative loses its drama. Without this story, we may forget that the Christian journey involves pain, sacrifice, death.
There is a tendency in our churches to sanitize the gospels. We turn the Christmas story into a lovely legend of Mary and Joseph bringing Jesus into the world in a sweet-smelling, sanitary stable, without pain or danger. And many of our folks would like to skip right from the triumphal entry of Jesus into Jerusalem, to the resurrection. Skip over anything unpleasant.
So, as Jim says, let’s tell the whole story. Tell it simply. Tell it well.
Isaiah 50:4-9a – The writer of Isaiah, whether there was one, two or three of them, were poets. This passage is not a prediction of anything – it is a poem about the writer’s relationship with God and the community in which he lives.
There’s lots about this poem that we don’t understand, and that’s OK. Poems are like music – not meant to be understood but to be received into our consciousness.
Psalm 31:9-16 – paraphrased by Jim Taylor
Kids are cruel. Children who are unusually skinny or fat, who have poor hearing or thick glasses or speech impediments, often have to live with merciless teasing.
Perhaps you can still hear echoes of that treatment in your life.
9 I feel lousy, Lord.
My head aches, my heart aches, my whole body aches.
10 My life is a sea of suffering.
Night after night, I toss in torment;
I cannot sleep; I waste away with weariness.
11 I have become a laughing stock.
My enemies scorn me, my neighbors avoid me–
even people who pass me in the street turn away from me.
12 My mind has turned to jelly.
I might as well be dead; I'm a fraction of my former self.
13 I can hear them whispering about me.
They put their heads together;
Behind my back, they plot to make me look foolish.
14 But they won't grind me down, Lord, for I trust in you.
I know that you are my God.
15 Even when I can't help myself, you will guard me;
My survival is safe in your hands.
16 Don't turn away from me too–
If you love me, rescue me from my torment.
From: Everyday Psalms
Wood Lake Publications.
For details, go to www.woodlakebooks.com
Philippians 2:5-11 – This passage is almost certainly a hymn or a creed that was used in the early Christian Church. Paul quite often quotes from the liturgical heritage that was developing among those first Christians.
Like hymns and creeds generally, this passage condenses a whole life of Christian devotion into a few words. Which is fine as long as that life and that faith is shared by those reciting or singing this passage. The words become symbols of something larger and more powerful.
It’s a bit like the cross that hangs over the communion table in our church. That cross carries a whole world of meaning for those of us who worship there, but explaining it in a few words to a non-Christian would be at least futile and probably counter-productive.
There are four stories for children related to the Palm/Passion narrative in the Lectionary Story Bible, Year C. They could be used individually, or as a longer narrative with breaks for children’s restless bodies. They begin on page 105.
There are children’s stories for every Sunday in the Revised Common Lectionary, in “The Lectionary Story Bible,” by yours truly. The marvellous illustrations are by Margaret Kyle. There’s at least one story for each Sunday, usually two, and occasionally three. Click the main Wood Lake Publications website at www.woodlakebooks.com, or click on the following address which takes you directly to the “Lectionary Story Bible.”
http://tinyurl.com/2lonod
Or, if you live in Canada or the US, simply pick up the phone and dial 1 800 663 2775.
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Rumors – There’s a church in Jerusalem called St. Peter in Gallicantu. St. Peter at the Crowing of the Rooster.
There are a number of interesting things to see there – rock-cut structures, cellars, cisterns, stables, most of it dating to the Herodian period (37BCE - 70CE). From the balcony of the church you get a wonderful view of the City of David and the three valleys on which Jerusalem is built.
Tradition says this is where Peter went and “wept bitterly” (Matt. 26:75) when the crowing of the rooster reminded him of his betrayal. It is also, according to another tradition, the house of Caiaphas the high priest, where Jesus was taken following his arrest.
None of that has anything in the way of historical credibility, and that is not why our little group of scholars went there. We spent our time in one of those cellars, which had been used in the first century as a prison. For the convenience of tourists like me, new steps had been cut down into it, so we could walk down and up again easily. But the original entrance was simply a hole, about two feet across, up at the ceiling. Prisoners were lowered, or perhaps simply thrown, down into that prison. There are no windows. No opening, except for that one small hole in the ceiling about 20 feet up.
There is some graffiti on the wall. There are marks which may have been made by a prisoner keeping track of the days. On the wall are iron rings, to which prisoners would have been manacled.
It was a good place to read the story of the trial and crucifixion of Jesus. A prison is a good place to hear the passion narrative. I stood there against the white, sandstone wall, holding on to one of those iron rings, trying to imagine what that kind of suffering might be like.
I spent a lot of time with the medieval mystic, Julian of Norwich, when I was writing “Julian’s Cell” and translating her book called “Showings.” Julian prayed that she would experience the suffering of Christ on the cross – not as an observer at the foot of the cross but as one who could feel the tear of the nails and the agony of that barbaric death. As I read Julian’s words, I remembered standing in that old prison, struggling to imagine pain that I had never even come near. Beyond a few minor injuries and illnesses, I have never known pain. Or at least not physical pain.
The pain of a heart that feels as if it is breaking in two – that I have known. Certainly that kind of sorrow may have been the greater pain for Jesus to bear, but how can I know?
I don’t know. And Julian in the end, didn’t know either. To some degree she and I can imagine, but we can never know.
But we can listen to that ancient story of one who cared enough for truth and beauty and love to die for it. If we listen deeply – not just with our heads – but savor all the words and let them soak down deep into the tender places of our souls, then perhaps, just for a moment, we will sense the desperation that was Calvary.
When we have done that, we can walk toward that tomb, with tears still in our eyes and pray for Easter morning.
And it is through those tears, like Mary of Magdala, we may see the risen Christ.
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Soft Edges – by Jim Taylor
Following in the Footsteps of the Saints
St. Patrick is not the only Irish saint, although he is by far the best known. When Joan and I went on a “pilgrimage” through Ireland four years ago, we met St. Brendan.
Not in person, of course. According to legend, St. Brendan reached North America about 500 years before the Vikings. In 1978, author Tim Severin showed that Brendan’s voyage was possible by sailing a leather-clad boat, like the one Brendan would have used, across the Atlantic to Newfoundland.
For 15 centuries, pilgrims have come to the Dingle Peninsula, as far west as you can go in Ireland, to plod the pilgrims path from the sea to the top of Mount Brandon – the ancient Irish weren’t much concerned about consistency in spelling
Part of the walk was fairly easy, across a ridge, down the other side. Our group merely had to watch out for sheep droppings, slippery mud, and an incredibly prickly plant called gorse, furze, or whins.
The other part involved climbing Mount Brandon, which rises roughly 3100 feet straight up from sea level. That may not sound high, compared to the Rockies, for example. But when I hike in the Rockies, I typically start at about 6,000 feet, and seldom climb more than another 2,000 feet.
Six of our larger group climbed Mount Brandon. The historic trail zigzagged up the rugged slopes, marked by weathered white crosses – the traditional “Stations of the Cross.” But fog had rolled in from the sea. From each station, we could rarely see the next one ahead. We never did see the top, until we got there.
We just tramped on, following a route marked out by who knows how many millions of pious feet.
Later, after we rejoined the main pilgrimage group, we were asked to identify symbols that had made this part of our pilgrimage memorable.
My friend David Smith, now a retired minister living in the Fraser Valley, chose the fog as his symbol.
It was an eerie feeling, he explained, climbing into the fog. We could not see where we were going; we just had to carry on in faith that the next station, the next marker, would show up eventually. We had to trust the people who had gone before us, trust that they knew the way, even if we didn’t.
My symbol was the footprints on the trail. We all wore modern hiking boots, or some equivalent. But I kept feeling that underneath the marks of modern heels lay the footsteps of people wearing sandals, perhaps. Or crude leather moccasins. Even bare feet, toes gripping the slippery earth, the sharp gravel, the tufts of lush emerald grass...
For both of us, these images spoke not just of the day’s hike, but of life, of faith. We cannot always see ahead to our destination, nor how we will get there. We have to trust those who have gone before, as they trusted those who went before them.
Even if we travel our paths through life with the help of science and technology that was not available to our predecessors.
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Bloopers, Boggles, Typos and Stuff – from the file:
* Please welcome Pastor Don, a caring individual who loves hurting people.* Remember the youth department rummage sale for Summer Camp. We have a Gents bicycle, also two ladies for sale, in good running order.* The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment and gracious hostility.
* At Easter, the choir did the cantata “Olivet to Calvary.” It was noted in the local paper as “All of It to Calgary.”
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Wish I’d Said That! – For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof is possible.
- Stuart Chase
Truth forever on the scaffold, Wrong forever on the throne.
- James Russell Lowell
No one, who tries to pursue an ideal, is without enemies.
Author unknown
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Mirabile Dictu! – (Latin for “Reasons!”)
I made up my mind never to go to another football game. I’ve attended faithfully for many years, but now I’ve had it. Here are my reasons.
1) I was taken to too many games by my parents when I was small.
2) The games are always played when I want to do something else.
3) Every time I go to a game, somebody asks for money.
4) The other people who go to games hardly ever speak to me, and the coach can’t remember my name.
5) The seats are too hard. Besides, sometimes I have to sit down front at the 50 yard line.
6) There are hypocrites in the crowd. Some of them just come because they think it’s a good place to be seen. Others just want to see what people are wearing.
7) The referee says things I don’t agree with.
8) The band plays numbers I’ve never heard before.
9) Some games last too long and I get home too late.
10) I have a good book on football, so I’ll just stay home and read it.
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Bottom of the Barrel – Fire trucks have four wheels and eight firefighters, and four plus eight equals twelve. There are twelve inches in a foot. A foot is a ruler. Queen Elizabeth is a ruler. Queen Elizabeth is one of the largest ships on the seven seas. Seas have fish. Fish have fins. The Finns fought the Russians. The Russians are red. Fire trucks are always rushin’. Therefore, fire trucks are usually red.
If you think this is wild, you ought to hear some people trying to explain why they are not attending church on Sunday morning.
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Scripture Story as Reader’s Theatre – This Jim Taylor’s development of a Reader’s Theatre presentation of the Passion Sunday narrative. This is reader’s theatre, so it works best if you don’t have the actors trying to go through the actions. The drama is carried by their voices. I would have them standing behind music stands, with the narrator in the pulpit or lectern.
Because this is very long for a scripture reading, it might be good to have the congregation stand and sing a verse or two of a hymn between the various sections.
Luke 22:14-23:56 (The Message)
Scene 1: The Upper Room
Requires readers for
Narrator
Jesus
Peter
Other disciples (at least two)
Narrator: 14-16When it was time, Jesus sat down, all the apostles with him. He said,
Jesus: "You've no idea how much I have looked forward to eating this Passover meal with you before I enter my time of suffering. It's the last one I'll eat until we all eat it together in the kingdom of God."
Narrator: 17-18Taking the cup, he blessed it, then said,
Jesus: "Take this and pass it among you. As for me, I'll not drink wine again until the kingdom of God arrives."
Narrator: Taking bread, he blessed it, broke it, and gave it to them, saying,
Jesus: "This is my body, given for you. Eat it in my memory."
Narrator: 20He did the same with the cup after supper, saying,
Jesus: "This cup is the new covenant written in my blood, blood poured out for you. 21-22"Do you realize that the hand of the one who is betraying me is at this moment on this table? It's true that the Son of Man is going down a path already marked out—no surprises there. But for the one who turns him in, turns traitor to the Son of Man, this is doomsday."
Narrator: 23They immediately became suspicious of each other and began quizzing one another, wondering who might be about to do this. 24-26Within minutes they were bickering over who of them would end up the greatest. But Jesus intervened:
Jesus: "Kings like to throw their weight around and people in authority like to give themselves fancy titles. It's not going to be that way with you. Let the senior among you become like the junior; let the leader act the part of the servant. 27-30"Who would you rather be: the one who eats the dinner or the one who serves the dinner? You'd rather eat and be served, right? But I've taken my place among you as the one who serves. And you've stuck with me through thick and thin. Now I confer on you the responsibility that God conferred on me, so you can eat and drink at my table in my kingdom and be strengthened as you take up responsibilities among the congregations of God's people. 31-32"Simon, stay on your toes. Satan has tried his best to separate all of you from me, like chaff from wheat. Simon, I've prayed for you in particular that you not give in or give out. When you have come through the time of testing, turn to your companions and give them a fresh start."
Peter: 33"Master, I'm ready for anything with you. I'd go to jail for you. I'd die for you!"
Jesus: "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Peter, but before the rooster crows you will have three times denied that you know me."
Narrator: 35Then Jesus said,
Jesus: "When I sent you out and told you to travel light, to take only the bare necessities, did you get along all right?"
Disciples: "Certainly! We got along just fine."
Jesus: 36-37"This is different. Get ready for trouble. Look to what you'll need; there are difficult times ahead. Pawn your coat and get a sword. What was written in Scripture, 'He was lumped in with the criminals,' gets its final meaning in me. Everything written about me is now coming to a conclusion."
A disciple: 38"Look, Master, we have two swords!"
Jesus: "Enough of that; no more sword talk!"
Scene 2: Garden of Gethsemane
Requires readers for
Narrator
Jesus
Disciples (at least two)
Narrator: 39-40Leaving there, he went, as he so often did, to Mount Olives. The disciples followed him. When they arrived at the place, Jesus said,
Jesus: "Pray that you don't give in to temptation."
Narrator: 41-44He pulled away from them about a stone's throw, knelt down, and prayed,
Jesus: "Father, remove this cup from me. But please, not what I want. What do you want?"
Narrator: At once an angel from heaven was at his side, strengthening him. Jesus prayed on all the harder. Sweat, wrung from him like drops of blood, poured off his face.
45-46He got up from prayer, went back to the disciples and found them asleep, drugged by grief. He said,
Jesus: "What business do you have sleeping? Get up. Pray so you won't give in to temptation."
Narrator: 47-48No sooner were the words out of his mouth than a crowd showed up, Judas, the one from the Twelve, in the lead. He came right up to Jesus to kiss him. Jesus challenged him:
Jesus: "Judas, you would betray the Son of Man with a kiss?"
Narrator: 49-50When those with him realized what was happening, they asked,
Disciples: "Master, shall we fight?"
Narrator: One of them took a swing at the Chief Priest's servant and cut off his right ear.
51Jesus: "Let them be. Even in this."
Narrator: Then, touching the servant's ear, he healed him.
52-53Jesus spoke to those who had come as spectators—high priests, Temple police, religion leaders:
Jesus: "What is this, jumping me with swords and clubs as if I were a dangerous criminal? Day after day I've been with you in the Temple and you've not so much as lifted a hand against me. But do it your way—it's a dark night, a dark hour."
Narrator: 54-56Arresting Jesus, they marched him off and took him into the house of the Chief Priest.
Scene 3: At the Chief Priest’s House
Requires readers for
Narrator
Maid
Peter
Two men
Narrator: Peter followed, but at a safe distance. In the middle of the courtyard some people had started a fire and were sitting around it, trying to keep warm. One of the serving maids sitting at the fire noticed him, then took a second look and said,
Maid: "This man was with him!"
Narrator: Peter denied it,
Peter: "Woman, I don't even know him."
Narrator: 58A short time later, someone else noticed him.
Man 1: "You're one of them."
Peter: "Man, I am not."
Narrator: 59About an hour later, someone else spoke up, really adamant:
Man 2: "He's got to have been with him! He's got 'Galilean' written all over him."
Peter: "I don't know what you're talking about."
Narrator: At that very moment, the last word hardly off his lips, a rooster crowed. Just then, the Master turned and looked at Peter. Peter remembered what the Master had said to him:
Jesus: "Before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times."
Narrator: Peter went out and cried and cried and cried.
Scene 4: The trial of Jesus
Requires readers for
Narrator
Jesus
Soldier
Pilate
3 Priests (can also serve as Crowd)
Narrator: 63-65The men in charge of Jesus began poking fun at him, slapping him around. They put a blindfold on him and taunted,
Soldier: "Who hit you that time?"
Narrator: They were having a grand time with him. 66-67When it was morning, the religious leaders of the people and the high priests and scholars all got together and brought him before their High Council. They demanded,
Priest 1: "Are you the Messiah?"
Narrator: 67-69Jesus answered,
Jesus: "If I said yes, you wouldn't believe me. If I asked what you meant by your question, you wouldn't answer me. So here's what I have to say: From here on the Son of Man takes his place at God's right hand, the place of power."
70Priest 2: "So you admit your claim to be the Son of God?"
Jesus: "You're the ones who keep saying it."
Narrator: 71But they had made up their minds,
Priest 3: "Why do we need any more evidence? We've all heard him as good as say it himself."
Narrator: 1-2Then they all took Jesus to Pilate and began to bring up charges against him. They said,
Priest 1: "We found this man undermining our law and order, forbidding taxes to be paid to Caesar, setting himself up as Messiah-King."
Pilate: "Is this true that you're 'King of the Jews'?"
Jesus: "Those are your words, not mine."
Narrator: 4Pilate told the high priests and the accompanying crowd,
Pilate: "I find nothing wrong here. He seems harmless enough to me."
Narrator: 5But they were vehement.
Priest 1: "He's stirring up unrest among the people with his teaching.
Priest 2: He’s disturbing the peace everywhere, starting in Galilee and now all through Judea.
Priest 3: He's a dangerous man, endangering the peace."
Narrator: 6-7When Pilate heard that, he asked,
Pilate: "Oh. So he's a Galilean?"
Narrator: Realizing that Galileans came under Herod's jurisdiction, he passed the buck to Herod, who just happened to be in Jerusalem for a few days. 8-10Herod was delighted when Jesus showed up. He had wanted for a long time to see him, he'd heard so much about him. He hoped to see him do something spectacular. He peppered him with questions. Jesus didn't answer—not one word. But the high priests and religion scholars were right there, saying their piece, strident and shrill in their accusations. 11-12Mightily offended, Herod turned on Jesus. His soldiers joined in, taunting and jeering. Then they dressed him up in an elaborate king costume and sent him back to Pilate. That day Herod and Pilate became thick as thieves. Always before they had kept their distance. 13-16Then Pilate called in the high priests, rulers, and the others and said,
Pilate: "You brought this man to me as a disturber of the peace. I examined him in front of all of you and found there was nothing to your charge. And neither did Herod, for he has sent him back here with a clean bill of health. It's clear that he's done nothing wrong, let alone anything deserving death. I'm going to warn him to watch his step and let him go."
Narrator: 18-20At that, the crowd went wild:
Crowd: "Kill him! Give us Barabbas!"
Narrator: (Barabbas had been thrown in prison for starting a riot in the city and for murder.) Pilate still wanted to let Jesus go, and so spoke out again. 21But the crowd kept shouting back,
Crowd: "Crucify! Crucify him!"
Narrator: 22Pilate tried a third time.
Pilate: "But for what crime? I've found nothing in him deserving death. I'm going to warn him to watch his step and let him go."
Narrator: 23-25But they kept at it, a shouting mob, demanding that he be crucified. And finally they shouted him down. Pilate caved in and gave them what they wanted. He released the man thrown in prison for rioting and murder, and gave Jesus to the Temple authorities to do whatever they wanted.
Scene 5: The Cross
Requires readers for
Narrator
Jesus
Soldier
2 criminals
Crowd members
Narrator: 26-31As they led him off, they made Simon, a man from Cyrene who happened to be coming in from the countryside, carry the cross behind Jesus. A huge crowd of people followed, along with women weeping and carrying on. At one point Jesus turned to the women and said,
Jesus: "Daughters of Jerusalem, don't cry for me. Cry for yourselves and for your children. The time is coming when they'll say, 'Lucky the women who never conceived! Lucky the wombs that never gave birth! Lucky the breasts that never gave milk!' Then they'll start calling to the mountains, 'Fall down on us!' calling to the hills, 'Cover us up!' If people do these things to a live, green tree, can you imagine what they'll do with deadwood?"
Narrator: 32Two others, both criminals, were taken along with him for execution. 33When they got to the place called Skull Hill, they crucified him, along with the criminals, one on his right, the other on his left. 34-35And Jesus prayed,
Jesus: "Father, forgive them; they don't know what they're doing."
Narrator: Dividing up his clothes, they threw dice for them. The people stood there staring at Jesus, and the ringleaders made faces, taunting,
Crowd: "He saved others. Let's see him save himself! The Messiah of God—ha! The Chosen One—ha!"
Narrator: 36-37The soldiers also came up and poked fun at him, making a game of it. They toasted him with sour wine:
Soldier: "So you're King of the Jews! Save yourself!"
Narrator: 38Printed over him was a sign: “This is the King of the Jews.” 39One of the criminals hanging alongside cursed him:
Criminal 1: "Some Messiah you are! Save yourself! Save us!"
Narrator: 40-41But the other one made him shut up:
Criminal 2: "Have you no fear of God? You're getting the same as him. We deserve this, but not him—he did nothing to deserve this."
Narrator: 42Then the second criminal said,
Criminal 2: "Jesus, remember me when you enter your kingdom."
Jesus: "Don't worry, I will. Today you will join me in paradise."
Narrator: 44-46By now it was noon. The whole earth became dark, the darkness lasting three hours—a total blackout. The Temple curtain split right down the middle. Jesus called loudly,
Jesus: "Father, I place my life in your hands!"
Narrator: Then he breathed his last. 47When the captain there saw what happened, he honored God:
Soldier: "This man was innocent! A good man, and innocent!"
Narrator: 48-49All who had come around as spectators to watch the show, when they saw what actually happened, were overcome with grief and headed home. Those who knew Jesus well, along with the women who had followed him from Galilee, stood at a respectful distance and kept vigil. 50-54There was a man by the name of Joseph, a member of the Jewish High Council, a man of good heart and good character. He had not gone along with the plans and actions of the council. His hometown was the Jewish village of Arimathea. He lived in alert expectation of the kingdom of God. He went to Pilate and asked for the body of Jesus. Taking him down, he wrapped him in a linen shroud and placed him in a tomb chiseled into the rock, a tomb never yet used. It was the day before Sabbath, the Sabbath just about to begin. 55-56The women who had been companions of Jesus from Galilee followed along. They saw the tomb where Jesus' body was placed. Then they went back to prepare burial spices and perfumes. They rested quietly on the Sabbath, as commanded.
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Information and Stuff – (Read this section only if you want to know about subscribing, unsubscribing or quoting stuff from Rumors.) It would be nice if you could give Rumors a plug in your bulletin or newsletter. Please invite your friends (and even your enemies) to subscribe. There's no charge: RUMORS is free and it comes to your e-mail box every Sunday morning. Just send your friends the instructions to subscribe [below], and include an invitation to join the list ... perhaps something like this: “There’s a lively and fun newsletter called RUMORS which is available at no cost on the net. It’s for ‘Christians with a sense of humor’.” Please add the instructions to subscribe [below]. If you have a friend you think would enjoy Rumors, and you’d rather not give them the subscribing instructions below, send me an e-mail at ralphmilton at shaw.ca. (change the “at” to the “at” sign – you know the “a” with the circle around it. I’m trying to slow down the spammers.) Then give me the e-mail address of your friend. If you are using something from Rumors in your sermon, give credit only as appropriate, without stopping the sermon dead in its tracks. I am delighted when Rumors is useful in the life and work of the church. As long as it is within your congregation or parish, you don’t need permission. You are welcome to use the stuff in church bulletins or newsletters. Please say where it came from, and please invite people to subscribe to RUMORS. An appropriate credit line would be; “From Ralph Milton's RUMORS, a free Internet ‘e-zine’ for Christians with a sense of humor." ... and please be sure to include these instructions to subscribe to RUMORS: To Subscribe:* Send an e-mail to: rumors-subscribe@joinhands.com
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* Don’t put anything else in that e-mail* If you are changing e-mail addresses, and your old address will no longer be in service, you do not need to unsubscribe. The sending computer will try a few times, and then give up..~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Please Write – If you respond, react, think about, freak-out, or otherwise have things happen in your head as a result of reading the above, please send a note to: ralphmilton at shaw.ca.
Who knows, I might quote you in a future issue of RUMORS.All material is copyright © Ralph Milton.~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Friday, March 12, 2010
Preaching Materials for March 21
R U M O R S # 593
Ralph Milton’s E-zine for people of faith with a sense of humor
2010-03-14
March 14th, 2010
TENDER LOVE
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Motto:
"A merry heart doeth good, like a medicine, but a broken spirit drieth the bones." (Proverbs 17:22 KJV)
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THE END OF RUMORS
“To everything there is a season,” said the ancient preacher. And the season has now come when Rumors must end.
The weight of age presses more heavily on me than I often want to admit, and the mental energy needed to do this newsletter each week becomes harder to find. We’re approaching 600 issues and a dozen years, and I have always maintained that I wanted to stop doing this when it was still hard to stop, and when people still wanted me to continue. As P.T. Barnum has said, “Always leave ‘em wanting more.”
So Easter will be the last issue. The last lectionary commentary will be the one for Easter Sunday.
It’s a hard thing to say and a hard thing to do, and I will miss it. Most of all I’ll miss the delightful notes I get from so many of you each week.
But the time is right and it must be done. There are other things I need to say to you all, but I’ll save those for that last issue on Easter Sunday.
Ralph
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The Story – different details but a common theme
Rumors – writing from the heart
Soft Edges – inevitable progressions
Bloopers – discretionary fun
We Get Letters – a special note to non-Canadians
Mirabile Dictu! – holy lightning
Bottom of the Barrel – a sermon illustration
Scripture Story as Reader’s Theatre – John 12:1-8
Stuff – (read this only if you would like to subscribe, unsubscribe or are wondering about permissions. That sort of boring stuff.)
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Rib Tickler – Alex was trying to say some words of comfort to his friend Bernie. “I hear you buried your wife last week,” said Alex. “Dreadfully sorry.”
“Had to,” said Bernie. “Dead, you know.”
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Next Week’s Readings – These are the readings you may hear in church this coming Sunday, March 21st, which is the 5th Sunday in Lent.
* Isaiah 43:16-21
* Psalm 126
* Philippians 3:4b-14
* John 12:1-8
The Story (from the Revised Common Lectionary) – John 12:1-8
Ralph says –
As it has been this Lent and will be for the next while, the story is in the gospel. It’s a story that has been argued and fussed over by biblical scholars all over the world, and sometimes in doing so, they missed the point.
That’s because the story occurs in different versions with different details in all four gospels. But comparing and fussing and arguing can lead us away from the core of the story which is there in all four accounts. It’s a very tender story of Jesus being deeply moved by the tender ministrations of a hurting, caring woman.
We lost our son Lloyd a number of years ago. Not long after his death, I found myself in a group of people singing the tender and beautiful song by John Ylvisaker, “I Was There to Hear Your Borning Cry.” The song touched the deep and painful parts of my soul and dissolved me completely.
Several years later, at another gathering this time of several hundred people, they stood and sang that song, and the pain of Lloyd’s death came flooding back into me. I was the theme speaker at that gathering, presumably the one imparting strength and wisdom.
But at that moment, I knew only weakness and confusion. I almost fell into my seat as I listened to the people around me sing that song. None of them knew the pain I felt, and somehow that added anger to my hurt.
Then I felt warm hands on my shoulders, gently rubbing my neck and the back of my head. The hands didn’t leave and I didn’t look up until the song had finished. It was a woman who had been at that first gathering. A very small and frail woman who I knew to have suffered deeply in her life. I reached up and touched her hand. She smiled and walked back to her seat.
That’s the story that came to me as I read this scripture. Jesus was keenly aware that he faced great suffering and probably death. This woman, who knew what suffering was about, reached out in tenderness. And he responded.
And that, I believe, is what this story is about.
Jim says –
I agree with Ralph – the gospel lection tells us a lovely story, that can too easily get sidetracked into nitpicking.
I could, for example, waste an entire sermon on how easy it is to read motives back into a story after the fact (like the prejudiced description of Judas). Or I could rant against narrow proof-texting (“the poor you will always have with you”) while missing the larger point.
But the far more important story is the number of ways that people try to show their love. Joan and I have been on the receiving end of that love a number of times. After our son’s death, almost a procession of people coming up our driveway bearing gifts. Today, people don’t bring rare perfumes, they bring casseroles. Or the regular arrivals of a fully prepared meal on the days when Joan had chemotherapy. Or the supportive phone calls when I’ve come under attack for something I’ve written...
Don’t use my examples; find your own.
How do people show their love? Do they knit shawls? Serve at soup kitchens? Organize Amnesty International letter-writing sessions? Scribe handwritten notes? Make charitable donations?
Mary expended costly ointment; Martha served a meal; Lazarus provided company. We need to recognize that there are many ways of demonstrating love.
Isaiah 43:16-21 – It’s really hard to look toward the future with eager anticipation when all the signs around you seem to be negative. In many churches, membership is declining, there are fewer and fewer children, and givings are way down.
So it’s hard to believe Isaiah’s prophecy. But the people who first heard that prophecy also had very little in the way of positive signs to hang on to. So Isaiah invites us to give our heads a good shake and believe that God can and does do new things. If we can develop a positive attitude, we might even notice some of them.
Psalm 126 – paraphrased by Jim Taylor
1 When the gates of our prisons opened, we could not believe it.
2 Stone walls sank behind us;
the sky opened above us;
we did cartwheels for joy.
Those who gathered to celebrate our release said to themselves,
"God has been good to them."
3 Indeed, we could not have set ourselves free;
God must have had a hand in it.
4 Now we must rebuild our broken lives,
like piecing together shards of shattered pottery.
5 May we find as much joy in putting the pieces together
as we had sorrow in their shattering.
6 These new lives were born in pain and suffering;
with God's help, they can still blossom into a second spring.
From: Everyday Psalms
Wood Lake Publications.
For details, go to www.woodlakebooks.com
Philippians 3:4b-14 – Paul’s comment, “as to righteousness under the law, blameless,” reminds me of a story told to me recently by a clergy friend. She had been leading worship at a senior’s residence. When she declared, “Now let us confess our sins,” a very elderly woman struggled to raise her head. “I don’t have any!” she said.
And certainly, if sins are defined as the things we do, she was right. The worst she could manage might be sinful thoughts, and even those are few and far between the older you get.
There are two children’s stories for this Sunday in “The Lectionary Story Bible, Year C.” They are on page 102 and 103, and they are based on the Psalm and the Gospel. “A Song of Happiness,” and “Something Beautiful for Jesus.”
There are children’s stories for every Sunday in the Revised Common Lectionary, in “The Lectionary Story Bible,” by yours truly. The marvellous illustrations are by Margaret Kyle. There’s at least one story for each Sunday, usually two, and occasionally three. Click the main Wood Lake Publications website at www.woodlakebooks.com, or click on the following address which takes you directly to the “Lectionary Story Bible.”
http://tinyurl.com/2lonod
Or, if you live in Canada or the US, simply pick up the phone and dial 1 800 663 2775.
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Rumors – When I was 13 or 14 years old, I decided I wanted to be a writer when I grew up. In middle age, I concluded I was too ordinary to be a writer. Now at a somewhat frailer 75 I realize that ordinariness is the essential quality of a writer.
When I first took up this craft, I didn’t realize how much time you have to spend alone. And that’s exactly how it has to be, because it takes a long, long, time to discipline promiscuous words into an approximation of what you have in your head.
Or what’s in your heart. And that’s where the best writing always comes from. And it often involves intense emotion.
On one occasion Bev came into my office to locate a book. “Why are you crying?” she wanted to know.
It was a reasonable question, but I didn’t really have a reasonable answer. The particular tears on that occasion came when I was trying to capture in words the picture in my heart of Bev and Zoë, in the middle of a quiet afternoon.
Bev was sitting way back in an easy chair. Zoë was on her lap sitting way back into her grandma. And the two of them were singing, one song after another, quietly, unconsciously, simply being there with each other, their eyes half closed.
And as they sang “Mary Had a Little Lamb,” I finally understood the difference between religious music and non-religious music. It has nothing to do with the music at all. It has to do with who is singing what to whom and why.
“Mary Had a Little Lamb” can be a far more powerful hymn of praise and beauty than anything Luther or Wesley or Wren ever penned.
So I sat in the glory and the beauty of that holiness, and tried not to blow my nose too loudly.
At one of the interminable book-signings authors have to endure, a young man asked me, “What are the essential characteristics of a writer?”
I have no idea. All I could say to the young man is that noticing God in the ordinary stuff is what makes me want to write. If I don’t write about it, the wonder and the glory of those ordinary moments disappear. When I write I remember them and sometimes learn their sacred secrets.
The power of the ordinary almost overwhelm me sometimes when I read stories such as that of the woman who poured oil over Jesus’ feet. Somebody who was there saw what happened, heard Jesus’ reply, and recognized it as a holy moment.
The story got told over and over in the early church, and people understood the holiness of that moment, even though they got all mixed up in the details and argued about whether it was Mary of Bethany, or Mary of Magdala, or some other Mary who did the pouring. And what Judas said and why he said it.
But there was someone there the time it first happened – someone who could see the holiness in the ordinary – who had the soul of a writer. Or better yet, the soul of a story teller.
And for that someone, I thank God.
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Soft Edges – by Jim Taylor
Inevitable Progressions
Among the bigger B.C. lakes, Okanagan Lake is unique. It has no major river feeding it.
Perhaps for the same reason, it has no deep bays. When sudden storms lash the lake, boaters have few natural places to seek shelter.
So regional authorities built a “safe harbour” in Okanagan Centre, just south of my home.
When I first saw it, it had a breakwater, and not much else. Boaters launched fishing skiffs and light runabouts by backing their trailers down the gravel slope into the water.
As time passed, the regional government rebuilt the breakwater with bigger pilings. They installed a concrete launching ramp. They paved the roadway. Regimented parking spaces replaced anarchy.
And last summer, a commissionaire began locking the harbour’s gates at 11:00 each night, and re-opening them at 5:00 a.m. Overnight parkers got tickets, or had their vehicles towed.
I’m not objecting to that change. Local residents had long lobbied for a means of controlling late-night parties and abuse of a free facility.
But I also see a kind of inevitable progression taking place.
I see the development of our little harbour as symbolic of all institutions. They evolve from practical simplicity towards a juggernaut that generates its own momentum.
My unease came into sharper focus during a chance conversation with a university professor. Universities don’t produce educated persons any more, he lamented. They produce members of professions. The prerequisites and regulations for a course are now often twice as long as the course description itself.
Students who want to broaden their perspectives, who want to take courses outside their professional assembly line, find themselves constantly running into bureaucratic roadblocks.
Similarly, in the civil service, administrative concerns tend to replace service -- let alone civility.
Parks intended to connect people with wildlife start protecting the wildlife from the people.
Libraries keep valuable collections under lock and key. Museums move artifacts behind glass.
Every major religion -- except perhaps Hinduism -- started as a reformation of some previous tradition. Buddhism, Christianity, Islam, Baha’i, Sikhism -- all slashed away an accumulation of doctrine and dogma to reduce the distinctions between men and women, clerics and laity.
And then they started building a new hierarchy of authority and doctrine...
Shortly before his death Jack Lakavitch attended a conference of churches in India, representing Canadian churches. Colonial India used to have a plethora of denominations cloned from European and American parents. After Independence, many of these denominations combined, seeking a structure that better reflected their belief about unity in Christ.
It was a noble experiment. But over some 50 years, it too evolved -- at least, in Jack’s perception -- into structures as rigid as its mission antecedents.
Jack lamented, “Why do all churches become more patriarchal as they age?”
It could be argued, I suppose, that things move this direction because that’s the way they should be. Reformations and revolutions are the aberration; hierarchy is the norm.
I prefer to think of reformations as recurring attempts to restore what we know intuitively is right.
But history shows it’s much harder to sustain a reformation than to launch one.
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Bloopers, Boggles, Typos and Stuff – Maria Nightingale of Burlington, Ontario says, “One of the line items in our church budget was listed as the ‘Rector's Discretionary Fun.’
That’s good, Mary. Don’t change it. I think every Rector should have such a line item.
Joe Harrington of Ringgold, Georgia got a note from the choir director to the effect that the opening hymn would be “Lift Every Vice and Sing.”
Do you have a problem with that, Joe?
Terry Fletcher “couldn't help grinning at the typo” in Rumors. "We were a couple of pretty tied puppies."
Terry wonders if “you'd been through the Duty Free?”
Kathryn Eddy of Stephenville, Newfoundland says her brain and her tongue were acting independently one Sunday when she was to lead the “Prayer for Transformation.” What came out was the “Prayer for transportation.” Her husband, who was in the choir, very quickly indicated, “I'd like a Cadillac."
Mary Sweet of Atlanta, Georgia reports that on a bulletin cover for the sermon series "When Christians Get it Wrong", “that Sunday's focus was on Sexuality, and the Sermon was entitled ‘On Human Sexuality;’” But it read, "On Hyman Sexuality."
Rev. Sue Channen of Grimsby, Ontario tells us that in the newsletter from their Member of Parliament, he refers to “Pre-Budget consolations with our Minister of Finance.”
Sue, sometimes people are more accurate than they intend to be.
If you’ve spotted any good bloopers in your church bulletin or newsletter, or anywhere else for that matter, please send them to me. ralphmilton at shaw.ca (change the “at to the symbol and remove the spaces.)
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Wish I’d Said That! – Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly.
Mary ( in Oman)
I do not at all understand the mystery of grace -- only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us.
Anne Lamott via Jim Taylor
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center
Kurt Vonnegut via Jim Taylor
The individuals of most species live long enough to reproduce and that's it. Humans live longer. As if there were some human survival value to grandparents. Ron McCreary via Carl Chamberlain
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We Get Letters – Rene Wilbur reports: “During the children's sermon, one little guy spotted the offering plates on a nearby table, ran over to them and said, ‘What're these?’ Trying to regain control of the situation, I explained that they were plates that were going to be passed around the congregation later. The boy's eyes grew really big as he asked, ‘Are they going to have donuts and cookies on them?’"
This letter came from Dave Towers before the Olympic hockey game.
“Our Father, who art in GM Place, hockey be thy game, thy will be done, GOLD to be WON on ice as well as in the stands, give us this day our hockey sticks, and forgive us our penalties, as we forgive those who crosscheck against us. Lead us not into elimination but deliver us to victory, in the name of the fans, CANADA and the holy puck. AMEN! GO CANADA GO!”
So Dave. A word to non-Canadians seems in order.
Our team winning the Gold in Olympic hockey (both women’s and men’s) was to us a moral and spiritual victory. No, not all Canucks are hockey fans. In fact, most of us are not, especially NHL hockey which is a different thing entirely. But hockey has been printed into our national psyche on a million ponds and back-yard rinks and frozen toes thawing in front of oil-drum heaters. We invented it. It’s ours.
So it really has nothing at all to do with superior skill. Beating us at our game is a form of larceny. Losing a hockey game to any team from any other country is just downright indecent. It’s immoral. To say nothing of embarrassing.
The same is true of curling, though that’s more of a prairie phenomenon. The Scotts invented curling, but it grew and flourished in the long, cold winters in every small town between the Great Lakes and the Rockies. Us prairie chickens even think it’s immoral and indecent for an Ontario rink to win at curling, though we’re getting used to it.
But when a women’s rink from China comes along and threatens to beat us at our own game we get more than a little upset. Especially when we have to admit there’s a bit of latent racism involved.
So. Just thought all you poor non-Canadians should really understand what’s going on here.
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Mirabile Dictu! – (Latin for “holy lightning!”)
All the Christian denominations were having a big ecumenical meeting in a church. Suddenly, lightning struck and the church caught on fire!
* The Methodists gathered in a corner and prayed for the fire to go out.
* The Baptists gathered in a different corner and prayed for rain.
* The Quakers gathered for silent meditation on the many benefits of fire.
* The Lutherans nailed a list of the ninety-five evils of fire to the church door.
* The Catholics passed the collection plate a second and third time to pay for the damage.
* The Episcopalians gathered up their incense and formed a dignified processional out the door.
* The Fundamentalists declared that the fire was God’s just wrath on everybody else.
* The Presbyterians elected a chairperson to appoint a committee to study the problem.
* And the United Church people shouted “Everyone for themselves!” and ran for the doors.
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Bottom of the Barrel – This from Stephani Keer who claims she got the story from her uncle. It’s not exactly religious humor, but I’m sure there’s a sermon illustration or at least a moral to be squeezed out of it.
“I was driving happily along when I saw the flash of a traffic camera. I figured that my picture had been taken for exceeding the limit even though I knew that I was not speeding.
“Just to be sure, I went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.
“Now I began to think that this was quite funny, so I drove even slower as I passed the area once more, but the traffic camera again flashed. I tried a fourth and fifth time with the same results and was now laughing as the camera flashed while I rolled past at a snail's pace.
“Two weeks later, I got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.”
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Scripture Story as Reader’s Theatre – John 12:1-8
Reader 1: I have a question.
Reader 2: Shoot! I know everything.
1: And the moon is made of green cheese. Yeah, I know. Seriously though. The story we are going to read today is in all four Gospels – Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. But they all tell it differently.
2: Actually, the moon is made of a white mozzarella that’s going kinda moldy.
1:As I said. You know everything. Seriously, why are there four versions of one story?
2: Don’t look at the differences. Look at what all four stories have in common.
1: Well, it’s a woman who washes Jesus’ feet with perfume and Jesus is moved by her kindness.
2: Exactly. That’s the story. Obviously the people who were there at the time were moved by what happened, and so the story got passed around in the early church. And in the process, details got changed and the story was told in different ways. They forgot some of the details and so made them up as they went along. But they all kept the core of the story. An incident that moved them deeply.
1: So that’s what we listen for.
2: Exactly. The center. Never mind the details.
1: OK. Let’s read it. It’s from the Gospel of John.
SLIGHT PAUSE
2: Six days before the Passover Jesus came to Bethany, the home of Lazarus, whom he had raised from the dead. There they gave a dinner for him. Martha served, and Lazarus was one of those at the table with him.
1: Mary took a pound of costly perfume made of pure nard, anointed Jesus' feet, and wiped them with her hair. The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.
2: But Judas Iscariot, one of his disciples (the one who was about to betray him), was annoyed.
1: "Why was this perfume not sold for three hundred denarii and the money given to the poor?"
2: Judas said this, not because he cared about the poor, but because he was a thief. He kept the common purse and used to steal what was put into it.
Then Jesus spoke.
1: "Leave her alone. She bought it so that she might keep it for the day of my burial. You always have the poor with you, but you do not always have me."
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Information and Stuff – (Read this section only if you want to know about subscribing, unsubscribing or quoting stuff from Rumors.) It would be nice if you could give Rumors a plug in your bulletin or newsletter. Please invite your friends (and even your enemies) to subscribe. There's no charge: RUMORS is free and it comes to your e-mail box every Sunday morning. Just send your friends the instructions to subscribe [below], and include an invitation to join the list ... perhaps something like this: “There’s a lively and fun newsletter called RUMORS which is available at no cost on the net. It’s for ‘Christians with a sense of humor’.” Please add the instructions to subscribe [below]. If you have a friend you think would enjoy Rumors, and you’d rather not give them the subscribing instructions below, send me an e-mail at ralphmilton at shaw.ca. (change the “at” to the “at” sign – you know the “a” with the circle around it. I’m trying to slow down the spammers.) Then give me the e-mail address of your friend. If you are using something from Rumors in your sermon, give credit only as appropriate, without stopping the sermon dead in its tracks. I am delighted when Rumors is useful in the life and work of the church. As long as it is within your congregation or parish, you don’t need permission. You are welcome to use the stuff in church bulletins or newsletters. Please say where it came from, and please invite people to subscribe to RUMORS. An appropriate credit line would be; “From Ralph Milton's RUMORS, a free Internet ‘e-zine’ for Christians with a sense of humor." ... and please be sure to include these instructions to subscribe to RUMORS: To Subscribe:* Send an e-mail to: rumors-subscribe@joinhands.com
* Don't put anything else in that e-mail
To Unsubscribe:
* Send an e-mail to: rumors-unsubscribe@joinhands.com
* Don’t put anything else in that e-mail* If you are changing e-mail addresses, and your old address will no longer be in service, you do not need to unsubscribe. The sending computer will try a few times, and then give up..~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Please Write – If you respond, react, think about, freak-out, or otherwise have things happen in your head as a result of reading the above, please send a note to: ralphmilton at shaw.ca.
Who knows, I might quote you in a future issue of RUMORS.All material is copyright © Ralph Milton.~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Ralph Milton’s E-zine for people of faith with a sense of humor
2010-03-14
March 14th, 2010
TENDER LOVE
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Motto:
"A merry heart doeth good, like a medicine, but a broken spirit drieth the bones." (Proverbs 17:22 KJV)
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THE END OF RUMORS
“To everything there is a season,” said the ancient preacher. And the season has now come when Rumors must end.
The weight of age presses more heavily on me than I often want to admit, and the mental energy needed to do this newsletter each week becomes harder to find. We’re approaching 600 issues and a dozen years, and I have always maintained that I wanted to stop doing this when it was still hard to stop, and when people still wanted me to continue. As P.T. Barnum has said, “Always leave ‘em wanting more.”
So Easter will be the last issue. The last lectionary commentary will be the one for Easter Sunday.
It’s a hard thing to say and a hard thing to do, and I will miss it. Most of all I’ll miss the delightful notes I get from so many of you each week.
But the time is right and it must be done. There are other things I need to say to you all, but I’ll save those for that last issue on Easter Sunday.
Ralph
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The Story – different details but a common theme
Rumors – writing from the heart
Soft Edges – inevitable progressions
Bloopers – discretionary fun
We Get Letters – a special note to non-Canadians
Mirabile Dictu! – holy lightning
Bottom of the Barrel – a sermon illustration
Scripture Story as Reader’s Theatre – John 12:1-8
Stuff – (read this only if you would like to subscribe, unsubscribe or are wondering about permissions. That sort of boring stuff.)
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Rib Tickler – Alex was trying to say some words of comfort to his friend Bernie. “I hear you buried your wife last week,” said Alex. “Dreadfully sorry.”
“Had to,” said Bernie. “Dead, you know.”
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Next Week’s Readings – These are the readings you may hear in church this coming Sunday, March 21st, which is the 5th Sunday in Lent.
* Isaiah 43:16-21
* Psalm 126
* Philippians 3:4b-14
* John 12:1-8
The Story (from the Revised Common Lectionary) – John 12:1-8
Ralph says –
As it has been this Lent and will be for the next while, the story is in the gospel. It’s a story that has been argued and fussed over by biblical scholars all over the world, and sometimes in doing so, they missed the point.
That’s because the story occurs in different versions with different details in all four gospels. But comparing and fussing and arguing can lead us away from the core of the story which is there in all four accounts. It’s a very tender story of Jesus being deeply moved by the tender ministrations of a hurting, caring woman.
We lost our son Lloyd a number of years ago. Not long after his death, I found myself in a group of people singing the tender and beautiful song by John Ylvisaker, “I Was There to Hear Your Borning Cry.” The song touched the deep and painful parts of my soul and dissolved me completely.
Several years later, at another gathering this time of several hundred people, they stood and sang that song, and the pain of Lloyd’s death came flooding back into me. I was the theme speaker at that gathering, presumably the one imparting strength and wisdom.
But at that moment, I knew only weakness and confusion. I almost fell into my seat as I listened to the people around me sing that song. None of them knew the pain I felt, and somehow that added anger to my hurt.
Then I felt warm hands on my shoulders, gently rubbing my neck and the back of my head. The hands didn’t leave and I didn’t look up until the song had finished. It was a woman who had been at that first gathering. A very small and frail woman who I knew to have suffered deeply in her life. I reached up and touched her hand. She smiled and walked back to her seat.
That’s the story that came to me as I read this scripture. Jesus was keenly aware that he faced great suffering and probably death. This woman, who knew what suffering was about, reached out in tenderness. And he responded.
And that, I believe, is what this story is about.
Jim says –
I agree with Ralph – the gospel lection tells us a lovely story, that can too easily get sidetracked into nitpicking.
I could, for example, waste an entire sermon on how easy it is to read motives back into a story after the fact (like the prejudiced description of Judas). Or I could rant against narrow proof-texting (“the poor you will always have with you”) while missing the larger point.
But the far more important story is the number of ways that people try to show their love. Joan and I have been on the receiving end of that love a number of times. After our son’s death, almost a procession of people coming up our driveway bearing gifts. Today, people don’t bring rare perfumes, they bring casseroles. Or the regular arrivals of a fully prepared meal on the days when Joan had chemotherapy. Or the supportive phone calls when I’ve come under attack for something I’ve written...
Don’t use my examples; find your own.
How do people show their love? Do they knit shawls? Serve at soup kitchens? Organize Amnesty International letter-writing sessions? Scribe handwritten notes? Make charitable donations?
Mary expended costly ointment; Martha served a meal; Lazarus provided company. We need to recognize that there are many ways of demonstrating love.
Isaiah 43:16-21 – It’s really hard to look toward the future with eager anticipation when all the signs around you seem to be negative. In many churches, membership is declining, there are fewer and fewer children, and givings are way down.
So it’s hard to believe Isaiah’s prophecy. But the people who first heard that prophecy also had very little in the way of positive signs to hang on to. So Isaiah invites us to give our heads a good shake and believe that God can and does do new things. If we can develop a positive attitude, we might even notice some of them.
Psalm 126 – paraphrased by Jim Taylor
1 When the gates of our prisons opened, we could not believe it.
2 Stone walls sank behind us;
the sky opened above us;
we did cartwheels for joy.
Those who gathered to celebrate our release said to themselves,
"God has been good to them."
3 Indeed, we could not have set ourselves free;
God must have had a hand in it.
4 Now we must rebuild our broken lives,
like piecing together shards of shattered pottery.
5 May we find as much joy in putting the pieces together
as we had sorrow in their shattering.
6 These new lives were born in pain and suffering;
with God's help, they can still blossom into a second spring.
From: Everyday Psalms
Wood Lake Publications.
For details, go to www.woodlakebooks.com
Philippians 3:4b-14 – Paul’s comment, “as to righteousness under the law, blameless,” reminds me of a story told to me recently by a clergy friend. She had been leading worship at a senior’s residence. When she declared, “Now let us confess our sins,” a very elderly woman struggled to raise her head. “I don’t have any!” she said.
And certainly, if sins are defined as the things we do, she was right. The worst she could manage might be sinful thoughts, and even those are few and far between the older you get.
There are two children’s stories for this Sunday in “The Lectionary Story Bible, Year C.” They are on page 102 and 103, and they are based on the Psalm and the Gospel. “A Song of Happiness,” and “Something Beautiful for Jesus.”
There are children’s stories for every Sunday in the Revised Common Lectionary, in “The Lectionary Story Bible,” by yours truly. The marvellous illustrations are by Margaret Kyle. There’s at least one story for each Sunday, usually two, and occasionally three. Click the main Wood Lake Publications website at www.woodlakebooks.com, or click on the following address which takes you directly to the “Lectionary Story Bible.”
http://tinyurl.com/2lonod
Or, if you live in Canada or the US, simply pick up the phone and dial 1 800 663 2775.
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Rumors – When I was 13 or 14 years old, I decided I wanted to be a writer when I grew up. In middle age, I concluded I was too ordinary to be a writer. Now at a somewhat frailer 75 I realize that ordinariness is the essential quality of a writer.
When I first took up this craft, I didn’t realize how much time you have to spend alone. And that’s exactly how it has to be, because it takes a long, long, time to discipline promiscuous words into an approximation of what you have in your head.
Or what’s in your heart. And that’s where the best writing always comes from. And it often involves intense emotion.
On one occasion Bev came into my office to locate a book. “Why are you crying?” she wanted to know.
It was a reasonable question, but I didn’t really have a reasonable answer. The particular tears on that occasion came when I was trying to capture in words the picture in my heart of Bev and Zoë, in the middle of a quiet afternoon.
Bev was sitting way back in an easy chair. Zoë was on her lap sitting way back into her grandma. And the two of them were singing, one song after another, quietly, unconsciously, simply being there with each other, their eyes half closed.
And as they sang “Mary Had a Little Lamb,” I finally understood the difference between religious music and non-religious music. It has nothing to do with the music at all. It has to do with who is singing what to whom and why.
“Mary Had a Little Lamb” can be a far more powerful hymn of praise and beauty than anything Luther or Wesley or Wren ever penned.
So I sat in the glory and the beauty of that holiness, and tried not to blow my nose too loudly.
At one of the interminable book-signings authors have to endure, a young man asked me, “What are the essential characteristics of a writer?”
I have no idea. All I could say to the young man is that noticing God in the ordinary stuff is what makes me want to write. If I don’t write about it, the wonder and the glory of those ordinary moments disappear. When I write I remember them and sometimes learn their sacred secrets.
The power of the ordinary almost overwhelm me sometimes when I read stories such as that of the woman who poured oil over Jesus’ feet. Somebody who was there saw what happened, heard Jesus’ reply, and recognized it as a holy moment.
The story got told over and over in the early church, and people understood the holiness of that moment, even though they got all mixed up in the details and argued about whether it was Mary of Bethany, or Mary of Magdala, or some other Mary who did the pouring. And what Judas said and why he said it.
But there was someone there the time it first happened – someone who could see the holiness in the ordinary – who had the soul of a writer. Or better yet, the soul of a story teller.
And for that someone, I thank God.
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Soft Edges – by Jim Taylor
Inevitable Progressions
Among the bigger B.C. lakes, Okanagan Lake is unique. It has no major river feeding it.
Perhaps for the same reason, it has no deep bays. When sudden storms lash the lake, boaters have few natural places to seek shelter.
So regional authorities built a “safe harbour” in Okanagan Centre, just south of my home.
When I first saw it, it had a breakwater, and not much else. Boaters launched fishing skiffs and light runabouts by backing their trailers down the gravel slope into the water.
As time passed, the regional government rebuilt the breakwater with bigger pilings. They installed a concrete launching ramp. They paved the roadway. Regimented parking spaces replaced anarchy.
And last summer, a commissionaire began locking the harbour’s gates at 11:00 each night, and re-opening them at 5:00 a.m. Overnight parkers got tickets, or had their vehicles towed.
I’m not objecting to that change. Local residents had long lobbied for a means of controlling late-night parties and abuse of a free facility.
But I also see a kind of inevitable progression taking place.
I see the development of our little harbour as symbolic of all institutions. They evolve from practical simplicity towards a juggernaut that generates its own momentum.
My unease came into sharper focus during a chance conversation with a university professor. Universities don’t produce educated persons any more, he lamented. They produce members of professions. The prerequisites and regulations for a course are now often twice as long as the course description itself.
Students who want to broaden their perspectives, who want to take courses outside their professional assembly line, find themselves constantly running into bureaucratic roadblocks.
Similarly, in the civil service, administrative concerns tend to replace service -- let alone civility.
Parks intended to connect people with wildlife start protecting the wildlife from the people.
Libraries keep valuable collections under lock and key. Museums move artifacts behind glass.
Every major religion -- except perhaps Hinduism -- started as a reformation of some previous tradition. Buddhism, Christianity, Islam, Baha’i, Sikhism -- all slashed away an accumulation of doctrine and dogma to reduce the distinctions between men and women, clerics and laity.
And then they started building a new hierarchy of authority and doctrine...
Shortly before his death Jack Lakavitch attended a conference of churches in India, representing Canadian churches. Colonial India used to have a plethora of denominations cloned from European and American parents. After Independence, many of these denominations combined, seeking a structure that better reflected their belief about unity in Christ.
It was a noble experiment. But over some 50 years, it too evolved -- at least, in Jack’s perception -- into structures as rigid as its mission antecedents.
Jack lamented, “Why do all churches become more patriarchal as they age?”
It could be argued, I suppose, that things move this direction because that’s the way they should be. Reformations and revolutions are the aberration; hierarchy is the norm.
I prefer to think of reformations as recurring attempts to restore what we know intuitively is right.
But history shows it’s much harder to sustain a reformation than to launch one.
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Bloopers, Boggles, Typos and Stuff – Maria Nightingale of Burlington, Ontario says, “One of the line items in our church budget was listed as the ‘Rector's Discretionary Fun.’
That’s good, Mary. Don’t change it. I think every Rector should have such a line item.
Joe Harrington of Ringgold, Georgia got a note from the choir director to the effect that the opening hymn would be “Lift Every Vice and Sing.”
Do you have a problem with that, Joe?
Terry Fletcher “couldn't help grinning at the typo” in Rumors. "We were a couple of pretty tied puppies."
Terry wonders if “you'd been through the Duty Free?”
Kathryn Eddy of Stephenville, Newfoundland says her brain and her tongue were acting independently one Sunday when she was to lead the “Prayer for Transformation.” What came out was the “Prayer for transportation.” Her husband, who was in the choir, very quickly indicated, “I'd like a Cadillac."
Mary Sweet of Atlanta, Georgia reports that on a bulletin cover for the sermon series "When Christians Get it Wrong", “that Sunday's focus was on Sexuality, and the Sermon was entitled ‘On Human Sexuality;’” But it read, "On Hyman Sexuality."
Rev. Sue Channen of Grimsby, Ontario tells us that in the newsletter from their Member of Parliament, he refers to “Pre-Budget consolations with our Minister of Finance.”
Sue, sometimes people are more accurate than they intend to be.
If you’ve spotted any good bloopers in your church bulletin or newsletter, or anywhere else for that matter, please send them to me. ralphmilton at shaw.ca (change the “at to the symbol and remove the spaces.)
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Wish I’d Said That! – Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly.
Mary ( in Oman)
I do not at all understand the mystery of grace -- only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us.
Anne Lamott via Jim Taylor
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center
Kurt Vonnegut via Jim Taylor
The individuals of most species live long enough to reproduce and that's it. Humans live longer. As if there were some human survival value to grandparents. Ron McCreary via Carl Chamberlain
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We Get Letters – Rene Wilbur reports: “During the children's sermon, one little guy spotted the offering plates on a nearby table, ran over to them and said, ‘What're these?’ Trying to regain control of the situation, I explained that they were plates that were going to be passed around the congregation later. The boy's eyes grew really big as he asked, ‘Are they going to have donuts and cookies on them?’"
This letter came from Dave Towers before the Olympic hockey game.
“Our Father, who art in GM Place, hockey be thy game, thy will be done, GOLD to be WON on ice as well as in the stands, give us this day our hockey sticks, and forgive us our penalties, as we forgive those who crosscheck against us. Lead us not into elimination but deliver us to victory, in the name of the fans, CANADA and the holy puck. AMEN! GO CANADA GO!”
So Dave. A word to non-Canadians seems in order.
Our team winning the Gold in Olympic hockey (both women’s and men’s) was to us a moral and spiritual victory. No, not all Canucks are hockey fans. In fact, most of us are not, especially NHL hockey which is a different thing entirely. But hockey has been printed into our national psyche on a million ponds and back-yard rinks and frozen toes thawing in front of oil-drum heaters. We invented it. It’s ours.
So it really has nothing at all to do with superior skill. Beating us at our game is a form of larceny. Losing a hockey game to any team from any other country is just downright indecent. It’s immoral. To say nothing of embarrassing.
The same is true of curling, though that’s more of a prairie phenomenon. The Scotts invented curling, but it grew and flourished in the long, cold winters in every small town between the Great Lakes and the Rockies. Us prairie chickens even think it’s immoral and indecent for an Ontario rink to win at curling, though we’re getting used to it.
But when a women’s rink from China comes along and threatens to beat us at our own game we get more than a little upset. Especially when we have to admit there’s a bit of latent racism involved.
So. Just thought all you poor non-Canadians should really understand what’s going on here.
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Mirabile Dictu! – (Latin for “holy lightning!”)
All the Christian denominations were having a big ecumenical meeting in a church. Suddenly, lightning struck and the church caught on fire!
* The Methodists gathered in a corner and prayed for the fire to go out.
* The Baptists gathered in a different corner and prayed for rain.
* The Quakers gathered for silent meditation on the many benefits of fire.
* The Lutherans nailed a list of the ninety-five evils of fire to the church door.
* The Catholics passed the collection plate a second and third time to pay for the damage.
* The Episcopalians gathered up their incense and formed a dignified processional out the door.
* The Fundamentalists declared that the fire was God’s just wrath on everybody else.
* The Presbyterians elected a chairperson to appoint a committee to study the problem.
* And the United Church people shouted “Everyone for themselves!” and ran for the doors.
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Bottom of the Barrel – This from Stephani Keer who claims she got the story from her uncle. It’s not exactly religious humor, but I’m sure there’s a sermon illustration or at least a moral to be squeezed out of it.
“I was driving happily along when I saw the flash of a traffic camera. I figured that my picture had been taken for exceeding the limit even though I knew that I was not speeding.
“Just to be sure, I went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.
“Now I began to think that this was quite funny, so I drove even slower as I passed the area once more, but the traffic camera again flashed. I tried a fourth and fifth time with the same results and was now laughing as the camera flashed while I rolled past at a snail's pace.
“Two weeks later, I got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.”
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Scripture Story as Reader’s Theatre – John 12:1-8
Reader 1: I have a question.
Reader 2: Shoot! I know everything.
1: And the moon is made of green cheese. Yeah, I know. Seriously though. The story we are going to read today is in all four Gospels – Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. But they all tell it differently.
2: Actually, the moon is made of a white mozzarella that’s going kinda moldy.
1:As I said. You know everything. Seriously, why are there four versions of one story?
2: Don’t look at the differences. Look at what all four stories have in common.
1: Well, it’s a woman who washes Jesus’ feet with perfume and Jesus is moved by her kindness.
2: Exactly. That’s the story. Obviously the people who were there at the time were moved by what happened, and so the story got passed around in the early church. And in the process, details got changed and the story was told in different ways. They forgot some of the details and so made them up as they went along. But they all kept the core of the story. An incident that moved them deeply.
1: So that’s what we listen for.
2: Exactly. The center. Never mind the details.
1: OK. Let’s read it. It’s from the Gospel of John.
SLIGHT PAUSE
2: Six days before the Passover Jesus came to Bethany, the home of Lazarus, whom he had raised from the dead. There they gave a dinner for him. Martha served, and Lazarus was one of those at the table with him.
1: Mary took a pound of costly perfume made of pure nard, anointed Jesus' feet, and wiped them with her hair. The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.
2: But Judas Iscariot, one of his disciples (the one who was about to betray him), was annoyed.
1: "Why was this perfume not sold for three hundred denarii and the money given to the poor?"
2: Judas said this, not because he cared about the poor, but because he was a thief. He kept the common purse and used to steal what was put into it.
Then Jesus spoke.
1: "Leave her alone. She bought it so that she might keep it for the day of my burial. You always have the poor with you, but you do not always have me."
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Information and Stuff – (Read this section only if you want to know about subscribing, unsubscribing or quoting stuff from Rumors.) It would be nice if you could give Rumors a plug in your bulletin or newsletter. Please invite your friends (and even your enemies) to subscribe. There's no charge: RUMORS is free and it comes to your e-mail box every Sunday morning. Just send your friends the instructions to subscribe [below], and include an invitation to join the list ... perhaps something like this: “There’s a lively and fun newsletter called RUMORS which is available at no cost on the net. It’s for ‘Christians with a sense of humor’.” Please add the instructions to subscribe [below]. If you have a friend you think would enjoy Rumors, and you’d rather not give them the subscribing instructions below, send me an e-mail at ralphmilton at shaw.ca. (change the “at” to the “at” sign – you know the “a” with the circle around it. I’m trying to slow down the spammers.) Then give me the e-mail address of your friend. If you are using something from Rumors in your sermon, give credit only as appropriate, without stopping the sermon dead in its tracks. I am delighted when Rumors is useful in the life and work of the church. As long as it is within your congregation or parish, you don’t need permission. You are welcome to use the stuff in church bulletins or newsletters. Please say where it came from, and please invite people to subscribe to RUMORS. An appropriate credit line would be; “From Ralph Milton's RUMORS, a free Internet ‘e-zine’ for Christians with a sense of humor." ... and please be sure to include these instructions to subscribe to RUMORS: To Subscribe:* Send an e-mail to: rumors-subscribe@joinhands.com
* Don't put anything else in that e-mail
To Unsubscribe:
* Send an e-mail to: rumors-unsubscribe@joinhands.com
* Don’t put anything else in that e-mail* If you are changing e-mail addresses, and your old address will no longer be in service, you do not need to unsubscribe. The sending computer will try a few times, and then give up..~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Please Write – If you respond, react, think about, freak-out, or otherwise have things happen in your head as a result of reading the above, please send a note to: ralphmilton at shaw.ca.
Who knows, I might quote you in a future issue of RUMORS.All material is copyright © Ralph Milton.~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Preaching materials for March 14th, 2010
R U M O R S # 592
Ralph Milton’s E-zine for people of faith with a sense of humor
2010-03-07
March 7, 2010
THE PRODIGAL FATHER
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Motto:
"A merry heart doeth good, like a medicine, but a broken spirit drieth the bones." (Proverbs 17:22 KJV)
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The Story – the dad who did everything wrong
Rumors – acting like God
Soft Edges –
Bloopers – leaving the “h” out of ashes
Mirabile Dictu! – butt dust
Bottom of the Barrel – did you get the letter?
Scripture Story as Reader’s Theatre – Luke 15:1-3, 11b-32
Stuff – (read this only if you would like to subscribe, unsubscribe or are wondering about permissions. That sort of boring stuff.)
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Rib Tickler – this from Alan Craig who claims it was sent to him by a friend.
Three women die together in an accident and go to Heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We have only one rule here in Heaven: Don't step on the ducks!"
So the three women enter Heaven and, sure enough, there are ducks all over the place; it is almost impossible not to step on a duck.
Although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. St. Peter chains them together with the same admonishment he gave the first woman.
The third woman observed all this and, not wanting to be chained to an ugly man for all eternity is very, very careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, One day, St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on – very tall, long eyelashes, muscular. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
"I don't know about you,” says the man. “But I stepped on a duck."
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Next Week’s Readings – These are the readings you may hear in church this coming Sunday, March 14th, which is the fourth Sunday of Lent.
* Joshua 5:9-12
* Psalm 32
* 2 Corinthians 5:16-21
* Luke 15:1-3, 11b-32
The Story (from the Revised Common Lectionary) – Luke 15:1-3, 11b-32
Jim says –
There’s an enormous temptation to talk _about_ this famous parable, rather than to tell the story itself. It seems to me, at least, that this story is the foundation of what Marcus Borg calls “the emerging paradigm,” the conviction that God is a God of love not of judgement. If the loving father represents a loving God, he doesn’t even judge the elder brother, but sorrows at the brother’s anger.
But that would turn the sermon into a lecture on systematic theology.
The story deserves to be told, and understood, as a story.
So I would tell it again, supplementing it as necessary with some exegesis of the biblical customs that the father violated so flagrantly in rushing to greet the son who had disgraced his family’s reputation.
Every story should resonate in a personal context. I would focus on the welcome given to the prodigal by the father. As a child who grew up in a foreign culture, as an only child, I have a great need to be welcomed into community, to be accepted for what I am, without conditions, without reservations. That’s where the biblical story reaches out, grabs me by my lapels, and says, “Listen up, buddy! This is about you!”
Ralph says –
So I should have something new and different to say about the Parable of the Prodigal? It’s been written about, sung about, painted about, argued about since about 15 minutes after Jesus told the story.
So again I go back to a classic piece of writing by Henri Nouwen, “The Return of the Prodigal Son,” which isn’t about the parable but about Rembrandt’s painting, “The Prodigal Son.”
Nouwen is writing for men. Males. (Which of course means that more women than men have read the book.) And the thing that pops into my memory from reading the book several years ago is this. Nouwen says that each man is called to move through all three characters in the story – the wayward, the older brother, and the father.
Which would be a lot easier for me to handle if it were not clear that in his telling of the story, Jesus intended that in the character of the dad we see God. And all kinds of alarm bells go off in my head when I’m tempted to think of myself as God.
The ultimate arrogance!
But that’s exactly where Nouwen wants us to go, especially old buzzards like me with a skin six sizes too big hanging loose all over our bodies. Because if we stop protesting long enough to think about it, Nouwen wants us to do some radical rethinking of what we think God is like and what we, as older men are called to be. (Maybe older women too, but that’s not for me to figure out.)
And therein would be at least a book or two on the subject by someone with a lot more smarts than I have. I think it would have to do with taking responsibilities for our actions many of which are god-like, in the sense that we have to make god-like judgments about what is good and what is bad, what is ugly and what is beautiful, what will cause pain and what will bring joy. We’ve been doing this all our lives, but now in our dotage, we dimly see that this is what we are doing.
More importantly, we are called to reach out in love and acceptance to those who have messed up their lives by stepping over all the lines and those who have messed up their lives by never stepping over any.
We humans act as God’s surrogate in the little corner of life that’s given to us. But it’s mostly in our “declining” years that we have the courage to accept that, and perhaps even to celebrate our calling.
* Joshua 5:9-12 – Winners get to write the history. European adventurers came to the Americas and displaced the aboriginal peoples. The Israelites came to Canaan and displaced the tribes already there. Both the Europeans and the Israelites shaped the story to justify their own actions.
For the Israelites, entry into Canaan was a release from the desert, from homelessness, from the shame of slavery. They saw their past as punishment for sin.
The Canaanite tribes may have wondered what sin they were being punished for.
Psalm 32 – paraphrased by Jim Taylor
1 A great load of guilt hangs around my neck
like a millstone strung on fine steel wire.
If someone would free me from my burden, I would be so happy.
2 That would be almost as good as never having slipped,
as good as not having failed in the first place.
3 Can you imagine what it's like never being able to stand up straight?
I have become a wasted cripple, my body bowed by tensions.
4 My bones are brittle as twigs scorched by the summer sun;
When I try to sleep, a gigantic pillow suffocates me.
5 But you gave me a second chance.
I confessed; I didn't try to hide anything.
I poured out my soul to you, and you forgave me.
You cut the string and freed me.
6 Without my millstone of guilt, I feel light as a feather.
I can float; I can rise above a torrent of troubles.
7 God, I can trust you completely, because you trusted me.
Wrapped in your arms, I feel safe as a baby, murmuring to its mother.
8 And God replies: "I will teach you my ways.
I will share my wisdom with you.
I will watch over you, and keep you safe.
9 I do not expect you to obey blindly, without understanding.
You are intelligent creatures, not sheep.
You do not need reins to guide you;
you can learn the right road."
10 The millstones of sin still burden many,
but those who trust God have been set free.
11 They shout with relief for they have been saved;
Their hearts have been scrubbed clean;
they can stand straight again.
From: Everyday Psalms
Wood Lake Publications.
For details, go to www.woodlakebooks.com
2 Corinthians 5:16-21 – In this passage, Paul rings some of the great themes of the Christian scriptures. The preacher faces a choice. You can’t deal adequately with these and the prodigal parable in the same sermon. I would leave out one or the other, and as you’ve already seen, I’ve plunked down on the story. I don’t claim any great insight or wisdom on this. It’s simply that stories always speak to me more strongly, especially this one.
We might tend to assume that people in the congregation know the familiar prodigal parable. This would have been true once, but no longer. For that reason, I suggest you read the prodigal story from “The Lectionary Story Bible, Year C,” to the children while they are still in church. Then later in the service, when the scripture is read, the adults will hear the story more fully. It’s on page 100, and it’s called, “A Loving Father.”
There’s also a paraphrase of Psalm 32 on page 99 called “I’m Happy Again.”
If you don’t already own the full set for each of the three years in the Lectionary cycle, click the main Wood Lake Publications website at www.woodlakebooks.com, or click on the following address which takes you directly to the “Lectionary Story Bible.”
http://tinyurl.com/2lonod
Or, if you live in Canada or the US, simply pick up the phone and dial 1 800 663 2775.
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Rumors – In the musical, Fiddler on the Roof, Tevya says to his wife, Golda, "Golda, do you love me?"
She's too busy for such frivolities. All this housework to do and he's getting mushy. "Go lie down," she says. "You'll feel better after awhile."
But he persists. "The first time I met you was on our wedding day." Tevya tells Golda how frightened he was, but his own mother and father had said to him that over the years they would grow to love each other. "So now I ask you. Do you love me?"
Golda begins to think out loud. "For twenty-five years I've lived with him, fought with him, starved with him. If that isn't love, what is?"
Tevya brightens. "Then you love me?"
"I suppose I do," she acknowledges.
Together they sing. "It doesn't change a thing. But after 25 years, it's nice to know."
Fiddler on the Roof is about Tevya and Golda, who are the "older brothers" in the prodigal parable, and about their daughters who are all "younger sons" in one way or another. All of them move outside the norms and conventions and, during a period of history when everything was in flux, keep pushing at the edges of the tradition Tevya and Golda value so deeply, a tradition that "tells us who we are and what God expects us to do."
But Tevya and Golda are also God in the parable. Because in the end, against their own instincts, against the conventions of the community and the power of the tradition, they finally act on their love.
I've fought with the parable of the prodigal for years. During our time in the Philippines, I taught drama at Silliman University for awhile. One of my students asked if he could produce his version of the Prodigal story. It seemed safe enough, so I said, "Sure."
When I went to see a rehearsal I was both surprised and amused. The half-hour play spent 5 minutes on the altercation between youngest son and father, 5 minutes on the homecoming, and the loudest, most spectacular 20 minutes on the "far country."
The spectacular sins get far more ink. And yes, I am frankly jealous of the attention the glitterati receive, not because they work harder or are more capable, but simply because they are more spectacular. The media make no distinction between a hero and a star. This was profoundly illustrated in the contrast between Princess Di and Mother Theresa when they died some years ago.
I wonder how Jesus told the Prodigal story originally. Did the older brother get a better showing? Did the lip-smacking treatment of the younger son creep in as the parable was retold in the early church? Who did Jesus identify with in the story? All three main characters, probably, because it’s really a universal parable. Whenever I’ve been in a group discussing this, all of us, women and men, have related to the various characters in different ways, and often very personally.
As I mentioned earlier, we are called to enter into the lives of all three characters. Especially into the person of the parent. Not a rule enforcing judgmental parent, but one who races toward that no-good child. A parent who shocks all the neighbors but doesn’t give a hoot. A parent who has only one thought about that child and that is joy at the homecoming. A parent who has only one thing to give and that is unconditional love.
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Soft Edges – by Jim Taylor
Getting It Wrong
I’ll start with a correction. Nathan Piché’s memorial bench on the waterfront of Okanagan Lake is not illegal, as I suggested in last week’s column.
Steve Schaffrick, Director of Parks and Recreation for the District of Lake Country (DLC), corrected me in an e-mail. “The cost of the bench was picked up by friends of the family,” he explained, “but we bought and installed the bench, so the DLC owns it. This is significantly different from the private docks and structures that we removed from the Greenspace, as those were private [and] not approved by the DLC.”
I was wrong. I should have called Steve before rushing to meet my deadline, but I didn’t.
Obviously, therefore, my speculation about the origins of the bench was also unfounded and ill-advised.
I don’t like being wrong. I don’t know anyone who does.
But as I examined my own reactions, I started wondering why it’s so hard for most of us – including me – to admit when we might have been wrong.
Because, in fact, getting it wrong is how we learn to get it right.
I know, that assertion runs contrary to common sense. We think we learn by getting it right. “Practice makes perfect,” we say.
We forget how many times a child has to fall before he learns to walk. How many times a child struggles with recalcitrant shoelaces before she learns to tie a bow. How many times a violinist must rehearse a concerto to get all those notes just right...
We learn from our mistakes. That’s not an invitation to make mistakes. Certainly not for a neurosurgeon slicing into your brain. Or an engineer, building a bridge you’ll drive across.
Naturally, we all want to make as few mistakes as possible. But the two greatest mistakes we can make are
– to pretend we never make mistakes;
– to refuse to learn from the mistakes we do make.
As we age, we develop routines that help us avoid embarrassment and humiliation. Not because we’re smarter. But because when we stick with the tried and true, our slips are less frequent, less exposed.
Thus, repetition teaches us how to drive a car or operate a debit card.
Familiar patterns may even keep some relationships on the rails.
But entrenched mental habits can be deadly. Even when contrary evidence piles up, we tend to cling tenaciously to long-held convictions. We refuse to consider the possibility of being wrong.
Indeed, the more a contrary viewpoint achieves prominence, the more some people insist that no one else can sift the truth from a fog of propaganda and conspiracy.
We act like parents, watching troops march past, assuring each other, “The whole army’s out of step but our John!”
And when convictions are built on theology, ideology, politics, or ancient grievances, we’re even less likely to admit we might have been wrong. We cannot – or will not – see the issue any other way.
In that context, recognizing that one was wrong would be a major step forward.
But nobody ever promised it would be easy.
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Bloopers, Boggles, Typos and Stuff – April Dailey of Ford City, Pennsylvania says she recently heard of priest preparing the ashes for Ash Weds. The priest prayed aloud:
"Bless, O Father these ashes..." But he left out the all important “H”.
April, I am sure you and many other clergy have been tempted to offer such a prayer over your congregation. Without the “h.”
Leslie Latham of Randolph, New York says they caught this one before it was printed. Pity.
"The Cooperative Extinction will be meeting on Monday, 9-3.
Jean Gregson of Langley, British Columbia spotted this on a website.
“Music is a valued ministry and a vital part of whorship at our church.”
If you’ve spotted any good bloopers in your church bulletin or newsletter, or anywhere else for that matter, please send them to me. ralphmilton at shaw.ca (change the “at to the symbol and remove the spaces.)
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Wish I’d Said That! – Argument is set by the answers, but conversation by the questions.
Martin Marty via Jim Taylor
Procrastination is attitude's natural assassin. There is nothing so fatiguing as an uncompleted task.
William James via Jim Spinks
People will love and remember you, not for what you do but for how you make them feel about themselves.
Source unknown via Margaret Wood
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Mirabile Dictu! – (Latin for “Butt Dust!”)
Margaret Wood sends along this collection of childhood wisdom and insight. Some have been around before, but they’re worth chuckling over again.
* Brittany had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?'
* Young Douglas stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'
* Little Clinton was in his bedroom looking worried When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?'
* Mark was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'
* Tammy was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'
* James was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the flea?'
* 'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust.'
He would have continued but at that moment a child asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'
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Bottom of the Barrel – Alan Clark, and his accomplice, George Brigham, Retford, Nottinghamshire, England, should hang their heads over this one.
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behaviour that was going on.
So God called St. Michael and sent him to Earth for a time.
When Michael returned, he told God, 'Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not.
God thought for a moment and said, 'Maybe I had better send a second Archangel down to get another opinion.'
So God sent St. Gabriel to Earth for a time. When Gabriel returned he went to God and said, 'Yes, it's true. The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good.'
God was not pleased and decided to e-mail the 5% who were good, to encourage them and give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what the e-mail said? I was just wondering, because I didn't get one either.
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Scripture Story as Reader’s Theatre –
Luke 15:1-3, 11b-32 –
Reader 1: I love this story. I’ve heard it so often I can almost recite it from memory, but I learn something new out of it every time.
Reader 2: But as so often happens, the authorities were mad at Jesus for what he was saying and doing, and so he makes up a story to tell them, a parable, and that makes them even madder.
1: Jesus was swimming up-stream. Then and now. And if you take what he says seriously, you’ll be swimming up-stream too.
2: Is it true that Jesus was meaning to represent God in the character of the father?
1: Yes, for sure. And isn’t it interesting that the father in the story doesn’t act the way a parent should have acted, then or now. And most of us, if we are really honest about it, would identify most with the elder brother who gets into a jealous snit about how his younger brother is welcomed home.
2: So let’s read it. I’ll be the narrator, and you can be the various characters in the story.
1: And listen up, folks. This story is about you!
SLIGHT PAUSE
2: Now all the tax collectors and sinners were coming near to listen to Jesus. And the Pharisees and the scribes were grumbling about it.
1: "This fellow welcomes sinners and eats with them."
2: So Jesus told them this parable:
"There was a man who had two sons. The younger of them spoke to his father.
1: 'Father, give me the share of the property that will belong to me.'
2: So the father divided his property between them. A few days later the younger son gathered all he had and traveled to a distant country, and there he squandered his property in dissolute living.
When he had spent everything, a severe famine took place throughout that country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed the pigs. He would gladly have filled himself with the pods that the pigs were eating; and no one gave him anything. But then he came to himself.
1: 'How many of my father's hired hands have bread enough and to spare, but here I am dying of hunger! I will get up and go to my father, and I will say to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me like one of your hired hands."'
2: So the younger son set off and went to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion; he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him.
1: 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.'
2: But the father interrupted and called to his slaves.
1: 'Quickly, bring out a robe – the best one – and put it on him; put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. And get the fatted calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate; for this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found!' And they began to celebrate.
2: Now his elder son was in the field; and when he came and approached the house, he heard music and dancing. He called one of the slaves and asked what was going on.
1: 'Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fatted calf, because he has got him back safe and sound.'
2: Then the elder brother became angry and refused to go in. His father came out and began to plead with him. But elder brother answered his father.
1: 'Listen! For all these years I have been working like a slave for you, and I have never disobeyed your command; yet you have never given me even a young goat so that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came back, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fatted calf for him!'
2: Then the father spoke gently to his eldest child.
1: 'Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. But we had to celebrate and rejoice, because this brother of yours was dead and has come to life; he was lost and has been found.'"
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Information and Stuff – (Read this section only if you want to know about subscribing, unsubscribing or quoting stuff from Rumors.) It would be nice if you could give Rumors a plug in your bulletin or newsletter. Please invite your friends (and even your enemies) to subscribe. There's no charge: RUMORS is free and it comes to your e-mail box every Sunday morning. Just send your friends the instructions to subscribe [below], and include an invitation to join the list ... perhaps something like this: “There’s a lively and fun newsletter called RUMORS which is available at no cost on the net. It’s for ‘Christians with a sense of humor’.” Please add the instructions to subscribe [below]. If you have a friend you think would enjoy Rumors, and you’d rather not give them the subscribing instructions below, send me an e-mail at ralphmilton at shaw.ca. (change the “at” to the “at” sign – you know the “a” with the circle around it. I’m trying to slow down the spammers.) Then give me the e-mail address of your friend. If you are using something from Rumors in your sermon, give credit only as appropriate, without stopping the sermon dead in its tracks. I am delighted when Rumors is useful in the life and work of the church. As long as it is within your congregation or parish, you don’t need permission. You are welcome to use the stuff in church bulletins or newsletters. Please say where it came from, and please invite people to subscribe to RUMORS. An appropriate credit line would be; “From Ralph Milton's RUMORS, a free Internet ‘e-zine’ for Christians with a sense of humor." ... and please be sure to include these instructions to subscribe to RUMORS: To Subscribe:* Send an e-mail to: rumors-subscribe@joinhands.com
* Don't put anything else in that e-mail
To Unsubscribe:
* Send an e-mail to: rumors-unsubscribe@joinhands.com
* Don’t put anything else in that e-mail* If you are changing e-mail addresses, and your old address will no longer be in service, you do not need to unsubscribe. The sending computer will try a few times, and then give up..~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Please Write – If you respond, react, think about, freak-out, or otherwise have things happen in your head as a result of reading the above, please send a note to: ralphmilton at shaw.ca.
Who knows, I might quote you in a future issue of RUMORS.All material is copyright © Ralph Milton.~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Ralph Milton’s E-zine for people of faith with a sense of humor
2010-03-07
March 7, 2010
THE PRODIGAL FATHER
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Motto:
"A merry heart doeth good, like a medicine, but a broken spirit drieth the bones." (Proverbs 17:22 KJV)
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The Story – the dad who did everything wrong
Rumors – acting like God
Soft Edges –
Bloopers – leaving the “h” out of ashes
Mirabile Dictu! – butt dust
Bottom of the Barrel – did you get the letter?
Scripture Story as Reader’s Theatre – Luke 15:1-3, 11b-32
Stuff – (read this only if you would like to subscribe, unsubscribe or are wondering about permissions. That sort of boring stuff.)
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Rib Tickler – this from Alan Craig who claims it was sent to him by a friend.
Three women die together in an accident and go to Heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We have only one rule here in Heaven: Don't step on the ducks!"
So the three women enter Heaven and, sure enough, there are ducks all over the place; it is almost impossible not to step on a duck.
Although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. St. Peter chains them together with the same admonishment he gave the first woman.
The third woman observed all this and, not wanting to be chained to an ugly man for all eternity is very, very careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, One day, St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on – very tall, long eyelashes, muscular. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
"I don't know about you,” says the man. “But I stepped on a duck."
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Next Week’s Readings – These are the readings you may hear in church this coming Sunday, March 14th, which is the fourth Sunday of Lent.
* Joshua 5:9-12
* Psalm 32
* 2 Corinthians 5:16-21
* Luke 15:1-3, 11b-32
The Story (from the Revised Common Lectionary) – Luke 15:1-3, 11b-32
Jim says –
There’s an enormous temptation to talk _about_ this famous parable, rather than to tell the story itself. It seems to me, at least, that this story is the foundation of what Marcus Borg calls “the emerging paradigm,” the conviction that God is a God of love not of judgement. If the loving father represents a loving God, he doesn’t even judge the elder brother, but sorrows at the brother’s anger.
But that would turn the sermon into a lecture on systematic theology.
The story deserves to be told, and understood, as a story.
So I would tell it again, supplementing it as necessary with some exegesis of the biblical customs that the father violated so flagrantly in rushing to greet the son who had disgraced his family’s reputation.
Every story should resonate in a personal context. I would focus on the welcome given to the prodigal by the father. As a child who grew up in a foreign culture, as an only child, I have a great need to be welcomed into community, to be accepted for what I am, without conditions, without reservations. That’s where the biblical story reaches out, grabs me by my lapels, and says, “Listen up, buddy! This is about you!”
Ralph says –
So I should have something new and different to say about the Parable of the Prodigal? It’s been written about, sung about, painted about, argued about since about 15 minutes after Jesus told the story.
So again I go back to a classic piece of writing by Henri Nouwen, “The Return of the Prodigal Son,” which isn’t about the parable but about Rembrandt’s painting, “The Prodigal Son.”
Nouwen is writing for men. Males. (Which of course means that more women than men have read the book.) And the thing that pops into my memory from reading the book several years ago is this. Nouwen says that each man is called to move through all three characters in the story – the wayward, the older brother, and the father.
Which would be a lot easier for me to handle if it were not clear that in his telling of the story, Jesus intended that in the character of the dad we see God. And all kinds of alarm bells go off in my head when I’m tempted to think of myself as God.
The ultimate arrogance!
But that’s exactly where Nouwen wants us to go, especially old buzzards like me with a skin six sizes too big hanging loose all over our bodies. Because if we stop protesting long enough to think about it, Nouwen wants us to do some radical rethinking of what we think God is like and what we, as older men are called to be. (Maybe older women too, but that’s not for me to figure out.)
And therein would be at least a book or two on the subject by someone with a lot more smarts than I have. I think it would have to do with taking responsibilities for our actions many of which are god-like, in the sense that we have to make god-like judgments about what is good and what is bad, what is ugly and what is beautiful, what will cause pain and what will bring joy. We’ve been doing this all our lives, but now in our dotage, we dimly see that this is what we are doing.
More importantly, we are called to reach out in love and acceptance to those who have messed up their lives by stepping over all the lines and those who have messed up their lives by never stepping over any.
We humans act as God’s surrogate in the little corner of life that’s given to us. But it’s mostly in our “declining” years that we have the courage to accept that, and perhaps even to celebrate our calling.
* Joshua 5:9-12 – Winners get to write the history. European adventurers came to the Americas and displaced the aboriginal peoples. The Israelites came to Canaan and displaced the tribes already there. Both the Europeans and the Israelites shaped the story to justify their own actions.
For the Israelites, entry into Canaan was a release from the desert, from homelessness, from the shame of slavery. They saw their past as punishment for sin.
The Canaanite tribes may have wondered what sin they were being punished for.
Psalm 32 – paraphrased by Jim Taylor
1 A great load of guilt hangs around my neck
like a millstone strung on fine steel wire.
If someone would free me from my burden, I would be so happy.
2 That would be almost as good as never having slipped,
as good as not having failed in the first place.
3 Can you imagine what it's like never being able to stand up straight?
I have become a wasted cripple, my body bowed by tensions.
4 My bones are brittle as twigs scorched by the summer sun;
When I try to sleep, a gigantic pillow suffocates me.
5 But you gave me a second chance.
I confessed; I didn't try to hide anything.
I poured out my soul to you, and you forgave me.
You cut the string and freed me.
6 Without my millstone of guilt, I feel light as a feather.
I can float; I can rise above a torrent of troubles.
7 God, I can trust you completely, because you trusted me.
Wrapped in your arms, I feel safe as a baby, murmuring to its mother.
8 And God replies: "I will teach you my ways.
I will share my wisdom with you.
I will watch over you, and keep you safe.
9 I do not expect you to obey blindly, without understanding.
You are intelligent creatures, not sheep.
You do not need reins to guide you;
you can learn the right road."
10 The millstones of sin still burden many,
but those who trust God have been set free.
11 They shout with relief for they have been saved;
Their hearts have been scrubbed clean;
they can stand straight again.
From: Everyday Psalms
Wood Lake Publications.
For details, go to www.woodlakebooks.com
2 Corinthians 5:16-21 – In this passage, Paul rings some of the great themes of the Christian scriptures. The preacher faces a choice. You can’t deal adequately with these and the prodigal parable in the same sermon. I would leave out one or the other, and as you’ve already seen, I’ve plunked down on the story. I don’t claim any great insight or wisdom on this. It’s simply that stories always speak to me more strongly, especially this one.
We might tend to assume that people in the congregation know the familiar prodigal parable. This would have been true once, but no longer. For that reason, I suggest you read the prodigal story from “The Lectionary Story Bible, Year C,” to the children while they are still in church. Then later in the service, when the scripture is read, the adults will hear the story more fully. It’s on page 100, and it’s called, “A Loving Father.”
There’s also a paraphrase of Psalm 32 on page 99 called “I’m Happy Again.”
If you don’t already own the full set for each of the three years in the Lectionary cycle, click the main Wood Lake Publications website at www.woodlakebooks.com, or click on the following address which takes you directly to the “Lectionary Story Bible.”
http://tinyurl.com/2lonod
Or, if you live in Canada or the US, simply pick up the phone and dial 1 800 663 2775.
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Rumors – In the musical, Fiddler on the Roof, Tevya says to his wife, Golda, "Golda, do you love me?"
She's too busy for such frivolities. All this housework to do and he's getting mushy. "Go lie down," she says. "You'll feel better after awhile."
But he persists. "The first time I met you was on our wedding day." Tevya tells Golda how frightened he was, but his own mother and father had said to him that over the years they would grow to love each other. "So now I ask you. Do you love me?"
Golda begins to think out loud. "For twenty-five years I've lived with him, fought with him, starved with him. If that isn't love, what is?"
Tevya brightens. "Then you love me?"
"I suppose I do," she acknowledges.
Together they sing. "It doesn't change a thing. But after 25 years, it's nice to know."
Fiddler on the Roof is about Tevya and Golda, who are the "older brothers" in the prodigal parable, and about their daughters who are all "younger sons" in one way or another. All of them move outside the norms and conventions and, during a period of history when everything was in flux, keep pushing at the edges of the tradition Tevya and Golda value so deeply, a tradition that "tells us who we are and what God expects us to do."
But Tevya and Golda are also God in the parable. Because in the end, against their own instincts, against the conventions of the community and the power of the tradition, they finally act on their love.
I've fought with the parable of the prodigal for years. During our time in the Philippines, I taught drama at Silliman University for awhile. One of my students asked if he could produce his version of the Prodigal story. It seemed safe enough, so I said, "Sure."
When I went to see a rehearsal I was both surprised and amused. The half-hour play spent 5 minutes on the altercation between youngest son and father, 5 minutes on the homecoming, and the loudest, most spectacular 20 minutes on the "far country."
The spectacular sins get far more ink. And yes, I am frankly jealous of the attention the glitterati receive, not because they work harder or are more capable, but simply because they are more spectacular. The media make no distinction between a hero and a star. This was profoundly illustrated in the contrast between Princess Di and Mother Theresa when they died some years ago.
I wonder how Jesus told the Prodigal story originally. Did the older brother get a better showing? Did the lip-smacking treatment of the younger son creep in as the parable was retold in the early church? Who did Jesus identify with in the story? All three main characters, probably, because it’s really a universal parable. Whenever I’ve been in a group discussing this, all of us, women and men, have related to the various characters in different ways, and often very personally.
As I mentioned earlier, we are called to enter into the lives of all three characters. Especially into the person of the parent. Not a rule enforcing judgmental parent, but one who races toward that no-good child. A parent who shocks all the neighbors but doesn’t give a hoot. A parent who has only one thought about that child and that is joy at the homecoming. A parent who has only one thing to give and that is unconditional love.
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Soft Edges – by Jim Taylor
Getting It Wrong
I’ll start with a correction. Nathan Piché’s memorial bench on the waterfront of Okanagan Lake is not illegal, as I suggested in last week’s column.
Steve Schaffrick, Director of Parks and Recreation for the District of Lake Country (DLC), corrected me in an e-mail. “The cost of the bench was picked up by friends of the family,” he explained, “but we bought and installed the bench, so the DLC owns it. This is significantly different from the private docks and structures that we removed from the Greenspace, as those were private [and] not approved by the DLC.”
I was wrong. I should have called Steve before rushing to meet my deadline, but I didn’t.
Obviously, therefore, my speculation about the origins of the bench was also unfounded and ill-advised.
I don’t like being wrong. I don’t know anyone who does.
But as I examined my own reactions, I started wondering why it’s so hard for most of us – including me – to admit when we might have been wrong.
Because, in fact, getting it wrong is how we learn to get it right.
I know, that assertion runs contrary to common sense. We think we learn by getting it right. “Practice makes perfect,” we say.
We forget how many times a child has to fall before he learns to walk. How many times a child struggles with recalcitrant shoelaces before she learns to tie a bow. How many times a violinist must rehearse a concerto to get all those notes just right...
We learn from our mistakes. That’s not an invitation to make mistakes. Certainly not for a neurosurgeon slicing into your brain. Or an engineer, building a bridge you’ll drive across.
Naturally, we all want to make as few mistakes as possible. But the two greatest mistakes we can make are
– to pretend we never make mistakes;
– to refuse to learn from the mistakes we do make.
As we age, we develop routines that help us avoid embarrassment and humiliation. Not because we’re smarter. But because when we stick with the tried and true, our slips are less frequent, less exposed.
Thus, repetition teaches us how to drive a car or operate a debit card.
Familiar patterns may even keep some relationships on the rails.
But entrenched mental habits can be deadly. Even when contrary evidence piles up, we tend to cling tenaciously to long-held convictions. We refuse to consider the possibility of being wrong.
Indeed, the more a contrary viewpoint achieves prominence, the more some people insist that no one else can sift the truth from a fog of propaganda and conspiracy.
We act like parents, watching troops march past, assuring each other, “The whole army’s out of step but our John!”
And when convictions are built on theology, ideology, politics, or ancient grievances, we’re even less likely to admit we might have been wrong. We cannot – or will not – see the issue any other way.
In that context, recognizing that one was wrong would be a major step forward.
But nobody ever promised it would be easy.
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Bloopers, Boggles, Typos and Stuff – April Dailey of Ford City, Pennsylvania says she recently heard of priest preparing the ashes for Ash Weds. The priest prayed aloud:
"Bless, O Father these ashes..." But he left out the all important “H”.
April, I am sure you and many other clergy have been tempted to offer such a prayer over your congregation. Without the “h.”
Leslie Latham of Randolph, New York says they caught this one before it was printed. Pity.
"The Cooperative Extinction will be meeting on Monday, 9-3.
Jean Gregson of Langley, British Columbia spotted this on a website.
“Music is a valued ministry and a vital part of whorship at our church.”
If you’ve spotted any good bloopers in your church bulletin or newsletter, or anywhere else for that matter, please send them to me. ralphmilton at shaw.ca (change the “at to the symbol and remove the spaces.)
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Wish I’d Said That! – Argument is set by the answers, but conversation by the questions.
Martin Marty via Jim Taylor
Procrastination is attitude's natural assassin. There is nothing so fatiguing as an uncompleted task.
William James via Jim Spinks
People will love and remember you, not for what you do but for how you make them feel about themselves.
Source unknown via Margaret Wood
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Mirabile Dictu! – (Latin for “Butt Dust!”)
Margaret Wood sends along this collection of childhood wisdom and insight. Some have been around before, but they’re worth chuckling over again.
* Brittany had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?'
* Young Douglas stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'
* Little Clinton was in his bedroom looking worried When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?'
* Mark was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'
* Tammy was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'
* James was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the flea?'
* 'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust.'
He would have continued but at that moment a child asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'
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Bottom of the Barrel – Alan Clark, and his accomplice, George Brigham, Retford, Nottinghamshire, England, should hang their heads over this one.
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behaviour that was going on.
So God called St. Michael and sent him to Earth for a time.
When Michael returned, he told God, 'Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not.
God thought for a moment and said, 'Maybe I had better send a second Archangel down to get another opinion.'
So God sent St. Gabriel to Earth for a time. When Gabriel returned he went to God and said, 'Yes, it's true. The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good.'
God was not pleased and decided to e-mail the 5% who were good, to encourage them and give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what the e-mail said? I was just wondering, because I didn't get one either.
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Scripture Story as Reader’s Theatre –
Luke 15:1-3, 11b-32 –
Reader 1: I love this story. I’ve heard it so often I can almost recite it from memory, but I learn something new out of it every time.
Reader 2: But as so often happens, the authorities were mad at Jesus for what he was saying and doing, and so he makes up a story to tell them, a parable, and that makes them even madder.
1: Jesus was swimming up-stream. Then and now. And if you take what he says seriously, you’ll be swimming up-stream too.
2: Is it true that Jesus was meaning to represent God in the character of the father?
1: Yes, for sure. And isn’t it interesting that the father in the story doesn’t act the way a parent should have acted, then or now. And most of us, if we are really honest about it, would identify most with the elder brother who gets into a jealous snit about how his younger brother is welcomed home.
2: So let’s read it. I’ll be the narrator, and you can be the various characters in the story.
1: And listen up, folks. This story is about you!
SLIGHT PAUSE
2: Now all the tax collectors and sinners were coming near to listen to Jesus. And the Pharisees and the scribes were grumbling about it.
1: "This fellow welcomes sinners and eats with them."
2: So Jesus told them this parable:
"There was a man who had two sons. The younger of them spoke to his father.
1: 'Father, give me the share of the property that will belong to me.'
2: So the father divided his property between them. A few days later the younger son gathered all he had and traveled to a distant country, and there he squandered his property in dissolute living.
When he had spent everything, a severe famine took place throughout that country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed the pigs. He would gladly have filled himself with the pods that the pigs were eating; and no one gave him anything. But then he came to himself.
1: 'How many of my father's hired hands have bread enough and to spare, but here I am dying of hunger! I will get up and go to my father, and I will say to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me like one of your hired hands."'
2: So the younger son set off and went to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion; he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him.
1: 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.'
2: But the father interrupted and called to his slaves.
1: 'Quickly, bring out a robe – the best one – and put it on him; put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. And get the fatted calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate; for this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found!' And they began to celebrate.
2: Now his elder son was in the field; and when he came and approached the house, he heard music and dancing. He called one of the slaves and asked what was going on.
1: 'Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fatted calf, because he has got him back safe and sound.'
2: Then the elder brother became angry and refused to go in. His father came out and began to plead with him. But elder brother answered his father.
1: 'Listen! For all these years I have been working like a slave for you, and I have never disobeyed your command; yet you have never given me even a young goat so that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came back, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fatted calf for him!'
2: Then the father spoke gently to his eldest child.
1: 'Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. But we had to celebrate and rejoice, because this brother of yours was dead and has come to life; he was lost and has been found.'"
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Information and Stuff – (Read this section only if you want to know about subscribing, unsubscribing or quoting stuff from Rumors.) It would be nice if you could give Rumors a plug in your bulletin or newsletter. Please invite your friends (and even your enemies) to subscribe. There's no charge: RUMORS is free and it comes to your e-mail box every Sunday morning. Just send your friends the instructions to subscribe [below], and include an invitation to join the list ... perhaps something like this: “There’s a lively and fun newsletter called RUMORS which is available at no cost on the net. It’s for ‘Christians with a sense of humor’.” Please add the instructions to subscribe [below]. If you have a friend you think would enjoy Rumors, and you’d rather not give them the subscribing instructions below, send me an e-mail at ralphmilton at shaw.ca. (change the “at” to the “at” sign – you know the “a” with the circle around it. I’m trying to slow down the spammers.) Then give me the e-mail address of your friend. If you are using something from Rumors in your sermon, give credit only as appropriate, without stopping the sermon dead in its tracks. I am delighted when Rumors is useful in the life and work of the church. As long as it is within your congregation or parish, you don’t need permission. You are welcome to use the stuff in church bulletins or newsletters. Please say where it came from, and please invite people to subscribe to RUMORS. An appropriate credit line would be; “From Ralph Milton's RUMORS, a free Internet ‘e-zine’ for Christians with a sense of humor." ... and please be sure to include these instructions to subscribe to RUMORS: To Subscribe:* Send an e-mail to: rumors-subscribe@joinhands.com
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